A happy person is distinguished by having a healthy appetite for life. He enjoys the process. If you look closely, it's not hard to see the recipe that all these people have in common: 1) they know exactly what they want and 2) they get it. How can I figure out what I really want?
I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other companions of any changes - but one change did irrevocably happen: I knew exactly what I wanted. And in all spheres of life and at different intervals of time.
Wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what I'm interested in in this life - I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I'm going. And with a fair amount of specifics. Offer me to change these goals for others, no less attractive, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life turned around before a choice - a loved one or these goals, I would choose the second. Since true love does not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for life and save you from the need to act. And for this illusion there is no more place in my life.
It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice is made.
Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice.
P. Coelho, "Zaire"
Binding yourself with such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving rise to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this is the only way to have what you want for those who are not afraid to dream big.
Simply put, the picture looks like this:
— To be inspired from moving towards your desires, they must be big.- that is, to have scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby uncovering the internal potential and giving a surge of strength.
— Achieving big goals takes time., during which you will move in the selected direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change the goal, change your mind, choose another - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, as well as the law of cause and effect: each time you start another, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it long enough without changing the sharpness of the focus.
- In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not to change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide exactly for yourself: “who am I?” and "Where am I going?" Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere, and generally give up any attempts, thereby starting a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.
If you're ready, you don't need to get ready.
Once you have a direction in mind, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting possibilities. It is easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep the focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been made to the end and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim where the wind blows. I think none of us would want to be on an unruly ship in the ocean or on a boat floating on a fast current without oars. So why do so many people like this dangerous approach: "to go with the flow of life without any goals", isn't it obvious that it carries on stones of helpless old age?
Now the World Championships in Athletics are taking place in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.
What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Someone will say that in hard training, coupled with natural data, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on exactly one particular sport that suits them best and improve in it.
Only long and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it self-discovery. Decide on a direction as early as possible- the most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, however, much fewer people take it into account.
To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.
Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?
I didn't know for a long time. Rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, tightly spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to forests, and to the snow, of course, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only during breaks between something more significant and creative, for example, the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. Big city answers a lot more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, there were also dreams in the style of “maybe I will become an excellent hostess and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which pretty much amused my own universe with the corresponding lessons.
For every talent we will be asked.
But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow, so I moved. I wanted an author's project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflections (!), that gave the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that lead nowhere. At some point, the real goals began to take on an increasingly clear form, leaving behind all the imposed husks.
This is an illustration of my favorite example of a long climb in the mountains - at first you don't even see the top, but as you get closer, with another observation deck, your view increases and at some point - the target becomes clear. But if you don’t get up from the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can”, then don’t even ask to the top.
Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals
0. Tip number "zero"- start a conscious movement, to begin with, to any immediate desire. You need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destination, you simply do not leave the threshold of your house. It's called couch searching for yourself, and it's funny.
1. Pay attention to your own desires
The presence of a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And do not listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts vital energy. Another issue is that when the potential remains unrealized, it starts to press. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.
The difference between a true dream or a “public” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Get ready for trial and error phase, especially if you grew up in a very "blinded" environment, but this stage is also very productive.
Most often, I receive letters in the style of “how to make it so that everything changes, but not to be mistaken.” That's the point, no way. Yes, you may be mistaken, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see if you don’t try.
A loser is one who, out of fear of failure, has not even tried.
It was the mistakes that brought me to that very observation deck, where I could clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And the bonus is the understanding that she no longer intends to endure.
2. Find the junction between desires and abilities
The single vector that was discussed is very often located at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of one's abilities into mastery, which allows one to realize the most daring desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally holistic and calm like a clear understanding of where he is going.
The goal differs from fantasy only by the presence of real steps already now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want, but don’t do it, this is nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.
To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the variety.
Olesya Vlasova
P.S. Friends, announcement! From May 14 to June 29, the annual "Rebuild Yourself" push will take place. Come with me! I am convinced that regular conscious and careful "shaking" gives rise to immunity to the fear of change, removes internal obstacles, helps to avoid self-sabotage and procrastination in difficult issues. And this, in turn, allows you to take a new step into the unknown every time, scaling your capabilities as much as possible and not letting you get stuck at one, albeit once successful, stage. All details and registration by . Only once in 2019.
What is happiness? Probably everyone in their life, at least once, asked this question! Happiness is a kind of ghost that you so want to catch and possess, but at the same time you understand that it is not eternal. People are chasing happiness without understanding what exactly happiness is for them. Just a word, just a feeling, just minutes, hours, days, eternity... In this article, we will try to understand at least a little what it is, to find some generalized concept of happiness. Let's determine whether it is possible to derive a certain universal formula for human happiness, or is it something incomprehensible, individual for each person. In any case, after reading this article, you will add positive emotions, and someone, maybe even find their meaning in life. I look forward to your feedback and opinions in the comments, let's discuss together.
Happy is he who thinks he is happy. - G. Fielding
Digging through encyclopedias, I found this definition of this word! Strictly speaking, happiness is a philosophical category that implies an ideal state of higher satisfaction with life. From this point of view, happiness is the absolute absence of all desires. One way or another, all philosophers agree that happiness is not a material concept, but an internal one. That is, a person is happy if he is internally capable of it. Happiness is self-satisfaction. (We read from Aristotle.) According to another version, happiness is the absence of unhappiness (aphorism). Happiness in ancient mythology was depicted as a woman carried by the wind. The woman had a long braid that flowed in front of her. Therefore, at the moment when she flies up, she is easy to catch. But in a moment it will fly by, and there is no more chance to catch happiness.
Happiness is one of the main themes of humanitarian knowledge from antiquity to the present day. The concept of happiness was perceived by ancient philosophers as some kind of absolute good. For this reason, the problem of happiness has been of interest to many thinkers, has been widely developed and has a large number of different, sometimes contradictory approaches. Currently, psychologists usually understand happiness as a constant and complete satisfaction a person with his life, its conditions, fullness, the disclosure of human capabilities achieved in it. However, the question of how happiness can be achieved is still open and continues to cause a lot of controversy ...
Once an old cat met a young kitten. The kitten ran in circles and tried to catch its tail.
The old cat stood and watched, and the young kitten kept spinning, falling, getting up and chasing its tail again.
Why are you chasing your tail? asked the old cat.
- They told me - the kitten answered - that my tail is my happiness, so I'm trying to catch it.
The old cat smiled, as only old cats can do this and said:
- When I was young, they also told me that in my tail, my happiness. I ran after my tail for many days and tried to grab it.
I did not eat, did not drink, but only ran after the tail. I fell exhausted, got up and again tried to catch my tail. At some point, I gave up and left.
I just went where my eyes look. And you know what I suddenly noticed?
- What? - the kitten asked with surprise?
- I noticed that wherever I go, my tail goes with me everywhere ..
What is happiness? Perhaps happiness is a child that lives inside every adult and smiles)
Save the child in you
So like a dream
Where is the soul ... ringing bell
Singer of kindness
Save the child in you
With curious eyes
Who is a boy ... and who is a girl
With flowing hair
Save the child in you
With a genuine lust for life
With an interest in the world from the cradle
And with the desire to live ... and not to survive
Save the child in you
Like a piece of your soul
Stretch out your hands
Do not rush to acquire armor ...
It seems to me that the main attribute of happiness is a smile! Smile …
It costs nothing, but gives a lot.
It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who bestow it.
It lasts for a moment, but sometimes it remains in memory forever.
No one is rich enough to do without it, and there is no such poor person who would not become richer from it.
It creates happiness in the home, generates an atmosphere of goodwill in business relationships and serves as a password for friends.
She is rest for the weary, daylight for the discouraged, sunshine for the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble.
And yet it cannot be bought, it cannot be begged, it cannot be borrowed or stolen, because it is good for nothing in itself until it is given away!
No one needs it more than those who have nothing left to give!
Actions speak louder than words, and she says, “I like you. You make me happy. I'm glad to see you."
Frank Irving Fletcher
Each of us imagines our happiness and chooses the units of its measurement in our own way. Seeing it in tinted windows and a leather interior, we buy a prestigious car.
Feeling our happiness in faith in the all-powerful patron, we pray. And, knowing that happiness is when hand in hand and the whole world for two, we are looking for love. Happiness is different for everyone, everyone represents their happiness in different ways.
But a wonderful fairy tale about happiness)) is called “Once Happiness was walking through the forest ...”
Once Happiness was walking through the forest and suddenly fell into a pit, Happiness sits in the pit and cries. A man was walking by, Happiness heard a man and shouts from the pit:
"And what do you want?" - asked Happiness.
"I want a big and beautiful house with a sea view, the most expensive one."
Happiness gave a man a home, the man was delighted, ran away to the house and forgot about Happiness.
Happiness sits in a hole crying even louder.
A second man was walking past, the Happiness of the man heard and shouted to him:
"Human! Kind! Get me out of here."
"And what will you give me for this?" the man asks
"And what do you want?" - asked Happiness. "I want a lot of beautiful and expensive cars, various brands."
Happiness gave the man what he asked for, the man was delighted, forgot about Happiness and ran away.
Happiness has completely lost hope.
Suddenly he hears a third person coming, Happiness called out to him:
"Man! Kind! Get me out of here, please."
The man pulled Happiness out of the pit and went on, Happiness was delighted, ran after him and asked:
"Human! What do you want for helping me?"
“I don’t need anything,” the man replied.
And so Happiness ran after the man, never lagging behind him.
Happiness is for everyone:
Happiness is just a moment or a century.
… Happiness is not life without worries and sorrows, happiness is a state of mind.
Happiness is on the side of the one who is content.
If you want to be happy, be it.
I am happy because I have no time to think that I am unhappy.
Those who do not seek happiness will find it faster than others; for those who seek happiness forget that the surest way to achieve happiness for yourself is to seek it for others.
By caring for the happiness of others, we find our own.
The greatest happiness in life is the confidence that we are loved, loved because we are who we are, or despite the fact that we are who we are.
Actions don't always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
If you ever find it while chasing happiness, you will find, like an old woman looking for her glasses, that happiness was always on your nose.
Life gives a person, at best, a single unique moment, and the secret of happiness is to repeat this moment as often as possible.
To enjoy happiness is the greatest blessing, to be able to give it to others is even greater.
Everyone wants happiness, but what is it?
Alas, only a few know this.
Happiness - waking up to see the dawn
and know that there is no sin in your soul;
walk barefoot on the cool grass,
go to work calmly, on foot;
see the smiles of happy children,
to have few, but true friends;
do not hide heavy grievances in the heart
and act as our conscience tells us;
live in peace with yourself, with nature, with people,
and in old age to be surrounded by children;
and be thankful for this fate ...
I wish you this happiness!
I have heard this magic phrase many times from different people. Happiness everyone wants, but no one on the planet is responsible for your happiness.
No mom, no dad, no husband or wife, no partner or partner, no boyfriend or girlfriend, no children, no colleagues, no friends. You and only you, - says the famous American journalist Regina Brett.
You just need to decide to be happy. Focus your energies on creating the life you want. Try to start right now: be aware of what makes you happy and choose it every day.
Men and women would be much happier if they could read their own minds, fulfill their own desires, and satisfy their own needs.
So, all women know that men cannot read minds, but still push their husbands, boyfriends, lovers to try to accomplish this impossible feat.
Let's take St. Valentine is a day full of the cruelest disappointments (after New Year's Eve, of course). How many women know exactly what they want, but do not give the slightest hint to their loved ones? You want a box of chocolates and he gives you edible underwear. You want theater tickets - he takes you to basketball. You want a candlelit dinner - he brings fast food home.
Why didn't I just say what I want? Because when I got up the courage to tell about my desires, and then didn’t get anything, I felt devastated.
To avoid feeling rejected, I kept my desires private. If you don't say it, there's always a chance you'll get what you want. Women often play this strange mind game and almost always lose.
I found out the secret. When someone asks what you want, instead of denying that you have desires, instead of hiding your dream for fear of not getting it, you are afraid to say the word want, try this: ask yourself what makes you truly happy.
Don't stop at one or two answers. Think of three options, each of which you like, and offer. Your loved one will have a choice, and you will win anyway.
When it comes to dating, work, marriage, parenting, and any other relationship you're in, you can just as well take your happiness in your own hands, because no one but you can make you happy (happy).
When you feel like you can't get rid of fear, discouragement, doom, sadness, or self-pity, just stop and ask yourself, "Do you want to be happy?"
The answer cannot be "Yes, but..."
There are no "buts" here.
It all depends on you - right here and now choose what you need for happiness. When you feel that you are not leaving the mood in which you do not want to be, ask yourself: “What would a happy person do now?”. Practice being happy. Act like you're happy.
make happiness part of your daily and weekly routine. Set aside time each week to pamper yourself. Set aside an hour for yourself on your calendar. Call it beauty hour. An hour of pleasant excitement. An hour of peace.
Imagine your perfect day and live it. Dress up in your favorite. Take a nap. Don't stay up late. Eat pizza for breakfast. Design the day of your dreams - only yours. Create your list:
1. Get a massage. For a pedicure. Take a walk! Paint each toenail with your own shade of red. Buy yourself some new underwear. Throw out the holey panties. You deserve better.
2. Call your friends and have a "come as you are" party. Ask everyone to bring chocolate as an entry ticket.
3. Create a sanctuary in your home, a personal nook where you can pray, dream, create. Move the chair to the window. Make a flower arrangement with fern leaves or make yourself a circle of violets. Put your favorite books in a prominent place.
4. Curl up and read sonnets about love.
5. Take a bubble bath. Or hot, with floating candles. Cut fresh flowers and put them on the bedside table.
6. Hit your fun string. Watch sitcoms, buy comics.
7. Take yourself out on a date. Plan an entire evening by yourself. Order your favorite wine, appetizer, main course and dessert. When the waiter asks: “Are you alone?” - answer: "Yes!" with glee, not with shame.
8. Listen to the music you liked in high school. Burn yourself a disc of your favorite songs. Call it "The Soundtrack of My Life".
9. Remember and write down the twenty most wonderful events that happened to you. Then list twenty things you dream about, choose one and do something to help it come true.
10. Write yourself a letter from your six-year-old self. What would the child you used to be say to you as an adult?
11. Take a thick colored chalk and write with your left hand (and if you are left-handed, then with your right hand).
12. Rearrange the furniture in the bedroom. Let more sunlight and moonlight penetrate into it. Hang a garland in the corner.
13. Listen in on your own conversations with yourself. If they are unpleasant, change them. Write a new script.
14. Scatter positive affirmations around the house. Hide them in the glove box, in the first aid kit, in the refrigerator, on the lid of the dryer, in the sock drawer.
15. Collect all the restless photos, put them in an album, or maybe make a collage with the faces of the people who love you the most.
- your happiness is in your hands, accept it and rejoice. You are officially appointed executive director own destiny. A friend taught me: you can be happy or unhappy. Both require the same amount of effort.
Women's magazine, women's world, useful tips.
What difference does it make what they think of you? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then you have done right choice and it doesn't matter what others say. Imagine how much effort you spend trying to read other people's minds, and still do not guess.
Listen to advice - please, but do not let others decide how you live.
2. Anger and resentment
The next time you catch yourself feeling this way, think about this: “Would I like to be the person I envy?” Certainly not, you love yourself (even if somewhere very deep inside).
You are looking at someone else's life that you do not know. You have no idea what this person is thinking. Maybe when he dives into the pool of his private house, he hates himself or is wildly afraid of something? Maybe you, walking through the forest on a sunny day, experience much more pleasure than he does, basking on the snow-white sand in the Maldives?
Stop looking at others. If you feel good now, then everything is right. If not, make it good.
16. Uncertainty
At happy people, as a rule, there is a sense of self-esteem (just do not confuse it with an inflated ego). They are pleased with themselves and exude confidence.
There is no reason to doubt yourself. If you have traits that you hate, there are two ways: accept them or change them. In every person there is everything at once: a libertine, and a puritan, and a lying bastard, and a gentleman. You choose who you will be.
17. Dependence on others
No one will fill the void within you. No one will make you positive and self-sufficient if you are unhappy with your fate. To share your happiness with someone else, you must first become happy yourself. So do not even hope that your success is in the wrong hands. Only in yours.
18. Past
Living in the past means burying your present. There were mistakes - okay, who didn't? Arrange a magnificent funeral for your memories, remember only the lessons and.
19. Total control
Sometimes you just need to relax and let life take its course. You can't control everything and you have to deal with it. Otherwise, you will be constantly nervous, but in the end you still won’t change anything. There are just things that are out of your control. They must be accepted as they are.
20. Expectations
People think that others should live up to their expectations. That's bullshit. Nobody owes you anything, and you don't owe anything either. No one should be polite, attentive, accurate, honest, pleasant in communication, clean, after all. Nothing should be perfect, amazing, unforgettable, but it can be. If it does, great, if not, don't worry. Be ready to accept everything that life sends you, and you will find happiness.
Following which you can significantly improve the quality of your life!
This article is a continuation.
So, let's move on to the remaining five rules.
Rule 6 - Wake up! Mindfulness is the key to finding true love!
I will give you an excerpt from Bodo Schaefer's book "The Laws of the Winners" (Law 3 "Consciously Approach Every Day You Live"):
« We should think more often about how valuable each person we meet on the way, and how wonderful every moment of our lives we have lived. Unfortunately, many people take this for granted. We believe we still have an eternity ahead of us.
Only in the event of an irretrievable loss do we begin to realize that every moment in life is a true gift.
How many of these gifts have we left unnoticed, not noticing them just because we were too focused on our worries and more important things?
In addition, I wholeheartedly suggest that you do a lot in order to learn how to enjoy life and begin to radiate a magical inner feminine light. The purpose of this exercise is to activate one of the most important, which says that
“When our body is in vibrations of harmony, love and pleasure, love comes to us by itself (easily and without any effort)!”
Rule 8 - Have a "determination to have"!
Here one cannot say more vividly than Vadim Zeland said in the book “Reality Transurfing”:
« Intention implies the determination to have, in other words, to consider yourself worthy and know that the choice is yours. Don't believe, just know.
Deep down, you always doubt that a desire can still be fulfilled. Even if you are ready to act for the fulfillment of desire, this is not enough. If you don’t believe, then you don’t allow yourself to be considered worthy, or you simply doubt the reality of performance. So those who became a star or a millionaire differ from you not in their abilities, but only in that they allowed themselves to have what they wanted.
Must afford to have. In this state, you feel your oneness with the silent force that governs the universe. This force picks you up and transfers you to the sector of life, where what the soul and the mind agree on is being fulfilled.
Don't worry about how the intention will be fulfilled. If you have the determination to have, the outer intention will find a way without your knowledge that you are not aware of. Then do not be surprised and do not convince yourself that this is an accident, a coincidence, or some kind of mysticism. I don’t remember who said it: “The case is a pseudonym for God when he does not want to sign with his own name.”
Rule 9 - Increase your inner image of yourself!
In other words, we can put it this way: for people whose self-esteem is at a high decent level, the quality of life is many times higher! The fact is that our brain is arranged in such a way that we have in our life exactly what we consider ourselves worthy.
Those. if a girl does not consider herself worthy of the man she dreams of, then such a man will never become her partner.
You understand that everything that is outside, it comes from within. And the problem lies precisely in the internal deep subconscious processes in the head of girls and women.
And now you can remember hundreds of cases when you saw a luxurious man who was sincerely in love with his (not very beautiful) chosen one. But that doesn't matter to him. He is full of passion and love for his passion...
P.S. I'd love to see your discussions in the comments! If you have any questions, please also ask them in the comments. I will definitely answer!
Love and be loved!
Your Julia Aksenova
