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Faced with dissatisfaction with ourselves, each of us begins to think about how to change ourselves or the environment. It has been observed that positive, "easy-going", enthusiastic and inquisitive people feel and look happier than those who are depressed, concentrate on the negative, etc. We all want to be a better version of ourselves at times, but is it really that easy to change?
How to quickly change yourself for the better
Do you understand that you want quick changes in yourself?
Follow a simple algorithm:
Assess the current state
Before you begin, do a thorough analysis of your current life. Write down on a piece of paper what has happened to you over the past year. Write clearly, but briefly, point by point so that what happened is perceived more effectively. Example: dismissal, the birth of a child, a new hobby, a conflict with a husband (wife). Highlight failures and negative moments. List options that can change the current situation. Think over all possible methods of dealing with an unsatisfactory item.
Example: depression. Methods of struggle: rest, travel, buying the desired thing, making an appointment with a psychologist, etc.
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Having assessed the moments that you do not like in yourself and in life, and having decided to change, get down to business until fears and doubts have overcome. Start with a small step related to a plan to solve your problem directly (get a manicure, read a motivational book, write a letter to a relative, etc.). The important thing is to start today.
Keep calm
Before you change yourself, stop being distracted by trifles, worry, worry, doubt your own abilities. Get down to real action and uncertainty will recede. Learn techniques: how to pull yourself together, calm down.
Strive for something new
It is impossible to change yourself without bringing something new into your life. Diversify your usual schedule, hobbies. Any ideas? Write them down on a piece of paper or in your phone notes so that the thought does not slip away. What would you like to do in the near future? Which of these can you afford? Take action! Don't look for answers. If there is no time for anything from the list, then solve another problem: excessive workload.
How to change beyond recognition
Change beyond recognition is easy: set a clear goal, stick to it.
Approximate algorithm of actions:
Compliance with the daily routine
Make a clear plan for the day. Try to experiment: write down the day by the hour. The written plan looks attractive, you made similar ones more than once, but in the end everything went topsy-turvy. Now try to really live the day according to the previously drawn up ideal plan. Write down the moment of getting up, breakfast, time for yourself, time for light or thorough cleaning, work period, etc. Long-term success is impossible without self-discipline.
Proper nutrition
To many, this seems like a small thing, but it is an important aspect of the day. Without proper nutrition, there will be no energy, good health,. Eliminate alcohol, fatty and high-calorie foods from your life. If you want to feel the ease of life - start with the stomach. Do not overeat, do not eat in a hurry, do not exhaust yourself with rigid and undermining diets. If you want to change yourself outwardly, start with health. External beauty largely depends on the beauty of the skin, and it is not possible without proper nutrition.
Having established a daily routine and taking care of your health, start “working out” other areas of life if you want to change beyond recognition:
- Set aside time in your schedule to read books. Difficult or do not like to read? Choose audiobooks. Accustom yourself to good literature, it is necessary for self-development.
- Change the character by adding positive traits to it (responsiveness, friendliness, condescension).
- Change your hairstyle or image, try to appear in a different style, experiment.
- Go to the gym, do fitness or other sports, do exercises at home.
How to change yourself and your life
Thinking about how to change yourself and the life around you, try to apply simple tips.
Love yourself and loved ones
The recommendation is simple, but often ignored. A person who is unable to love himself will not improve his life. How to do it? Take care of your body, health, emotions. Give yourself and your loved ones an unforgettable experience, indulge yourself with tasty and healthy food, forgive yourself for mistakes, do not torment yourself with bad thoughts.
Self-development
An important aspect that changes life for the better. At your service a lot of relevant literature, trainings, master classes, videos.
New social circle, field of activity
Sometimes only a radical change of environment changes life for the better. Do you feel that the team does not appreciate you, is biased or unfair, and this has been going on for years? Look for other job opportunities. Being under long-term stress is not normal.
10 steps to a new you
If you want to change - be consistent, do not be lazy.
10 important steps:
- Change your look. There is a claim that new life starts with new ideas. They have character and habits. Are you used to getting upset over little things that many do not pay attention to? Learn to ignore them. Focusing on the negative, some fall into a stupor, stop in development, progress - others go forward without focusing on the little things.
- Do not ignore useful literature. Particularly helpful are books on personal growth, biographies successful people, psychology. Train your mind and imagination, replenish the collection of literature you have read. Draw information from different books, and if one categorically "does not work" - go to another, look for "your own", but do not stop self-development.
- Say "no" to addictions. Do you have a tendency to drink, smoke, overeat or have other negative habits? Start changing yourself from this aspect, which takes your time, health and finances, which are more useful to apply in other areas of life.
- Take care of the future. In the modern world, the financial aspect cannot be ignored - it is important. Learn to properly manage money, forget about waste. An effective scheme for the redistribution of finances is known: if you want to save up for something, set aside ten percent of your income every month. Make the rule mandatory.
- Stop procrastinating. For a person who wants to change himself, postponing things for later is a bad habit. Do not give yourself slack, do not delay with important decisions and affairs, and in a few days the result will be obvious. Take care of the most important things first. Often after “small things” fatigue sets in and does not reach big things, significant changes do not occur.
- Expand your horizons, take an example from successful people. Human behavior and lifestyle often depends on the environment. Many underestimate this influence. Limit communication with people who make you nervous, provoke you to negative actions, and undermine you as much as possible. Look for a "comfortable" society.
- Be an optimist. Full development and change for the better is impossible without positive thinking. Pessimists rarely decide on new beginnings, seeing a dirty trick everywhere, experiencing fear, confusion, self-doubt. Take matters into your own hands, don't let circumstances overcome you.
- Be grateful. Notice the attention and kindness shown to you. Answer the same. A lot is built on mutual assistance and support, create these strong bonds. Notice even a small kindness - thank the person who showed any care, make it clear that you notice even the little things. Don't shut yourself off from people who need help, be considerate of others, but don't overdo it. For some, the "lifestyle" is to solve problems at someone else's expense, and supporting such people will leave only disappointment in the soul.
- Be an example. Learn from the successful and teach those who are on the path of becoming - children. Do you have a son or daughter? So help them grow into a good and successful person. Become an example for a child - this is the best incentive to change yourself. Instill good manners not only in kids, but also in yourself - they will first of all repeat after mom and dad.
- Spend time with loved ones. Make surprises to dear people more often, pay attention to them, spend time nearby, support and help. Establish good traditions in yours - pizza on Saturdays, a park on Sundays, or something else that will appeal to loved ones.
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We all want to change something in our lives, but, as always, we find 150 reasons why we cannot do it.
Especially for you website prepared 12 tasks that you must complete every month. The countdown has begun!
Every year we make plans, we promise to change our lives for the better, but there will always be reasons why we cannot achieve these goals. Our main problem is that we plan incorrectly.
Teacher and blogger Manya Borzenko has found a way to achieve whatever she wants. So let's get started.
- We determine what is important in our life.
- We determine which of these important things works by itself.
- We support working in non-dying mode.
- We determine how to start the sagging.
- Forward!
At first glance, everything seems easy and simple, the main thing is to follow all these rules.
Many habits prevent us from living happily. Getting rid of them, of course, is difficult, but possible. And here are some tips:
- The habit of devoting round the clock to work.
Don't fill your day with endless tasks. Always take time to rest, reflect and recharge. And don't be fooled - you're not so busy that you can't afford to relax for a couple of minutes. - The habit of remembering your past.
You are no longer the same as you were a year, a month or even a week ago. You are always growing and changing. That is life. - The habit of being liked by everyone.
We don't have to love everyone we meet, and everyone around us doesn't have to love us.
You need to work on yourself every day. At first, it will be difficult to wean from all habits, but over time, you will only get better.
The beginning of spring is the most best time to take care of your body. Summer is coming, which means you need to shed those extra pounds. First, try doing the plank exercise. This is the most effective method to strengthen the abdomen and shoulder girdle.
- Get on your hands and knees. Straighten your legs and rest your toes on the floor.
- Tighten your abdominal muscles and take turns lifting your legs off the floor, lifting them up a few centimeters.
- Do the exercise for one minute. Keep your back straight without arching your back.
10 minutes a day - and your body can change beyond recognition in a month. This is just one of the exercises that you need to do every day.
Now, thanks to the Internet, we can get knowledge for free and without leaving home. You can learn programming, play the guitar or piano, become a chess champion. All in your hands. You just have to want it, and there will always be time.
We often have difficulty communicating with parents, management, or friends. It's time to fix this!
How to talk to management
In order to correctly present the information that we plan to communicate, and to choose the right time to talk with the boss, you need to put yourself in his place. It is better to ask the manager how it would be more convenient for him to discuss the request: in person or on e-mail. As for the email, you should not copy the phrases of the interlocutor: this is a passive-aggressive way of communication.
How to talk to your soulmate
We need to pay attention to what we are told. If on a date everything that the interlocutor broadcasts is saturated with negativity, this is an occasion to think: is he not afraid of the relationship that he entered into with us?
Summer has come, and it's time to throw out all the unnecessary trash that we have lying around. Our home is an extension of ourselves, our reflection. If you want change, take care of your home first. When the house is kept clean and tidy, then the mind comes in order, and things get better.
It's time to change the situation and go to conquer the mountain heights or sandy beaches. Don't save money on vacation. The most valuable thing in our life is emotions and impressions. In another country, you will meet new people, new cultures, customs, discover something new for yourself. Isn't it wonderful?
August - share goodness
When we help another person, we become a little happier. Take your time and help your friend with the move, take the grandmother across the road, feed the homeless puppy. May August be the month of your kindness. You yourself will notice how you will become happier thanks to such actions.
September - for inspiration
is an investor, serial entrepreneur and writer. In his blog, he questions established truths and offers alternatives.
Here's the deal: I've been at zero a few times, come back to life a few times, I've done it over and over again. I started new careers. The people who knew me then don't know me now. And so on.
I had to change careers several times. Sometimes because my interests have changed. Sometimes because I had already burned all the bridges behind me, sometimes because I badly needed money. And sometimes just because I hated all the people I had to work with in my old profession, or they hated me.
There are other ways to change yourself, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. It's just what worked for me, and as I've seen since then, worked for a few hundred more people. I've seen it in interviews, in letters that people have written to me over the last twenty years. You can try too - or you can not try.
1) Changing yourself never stops.
You change yourself every day. Something is always moving. But every day you have to decide whether to go forward or backward.
2) Muststart offWithzero.
All categories from a past life are just vanity. Have you been a doctor? Did you study at an elite university? Did you have millions? Did you have a family? Nobody cares. You have lost everything. You are zero. Don't try to prove that you are something more.
3) to youneededmentor.
Otherwise, you will go to the bottom. Someone has to show you how to move and how to breathe. But don't worry about finding a mentor (read on).
4) Threetypementors.
Straight. The person who is next to you, who will show how he succeeded. What is it"? Wait. By the way, mentors are not gurus from movies about karate. Most mentors will hate you.
Indirect. Books. Movies. 90% of mentoring can be obtained through books and other materials. 200-500 books are equal to one good mentor. Everyone asks me: “Which book should I read?” I do not know the answer. You will find from 200 to 500 good books which you should read. Read inspirational books. Whatever your beliefs, strengthen them every day through reading.
A mentor is anything. If you are at zero and you are burning with the desire to change yourself, everything you look at will become a metaphor for what you want to achieve. The tree you see and the roots you don't see, with underground water feeding it, is a computer programming metaphor, if you put it all together. And everything you look at will link together.
5) If you don't have a passion for something, don't worry.
You have a passion for health. Start with this. Walk in small steps. You don't need passion to succeed. Do your job with love and success will be a natural symptom.
6) It will take five years to change yourself.
Here's how the years will go:
First year: you rush about, read everything and just start doing something.
Second year: you know who to talk to, who to connect with. You are doing business every day. You see a map of your future travels.
Year 3: You are already good enough to make money. But maybe they are not enough for life.
Fourth year: you make good money.
Year 5: You make a fortune.
Sometimes years 1-4 make me upset. I think, "Why won't it happen?" I hit the wall with my fist, it hurts, I throw a coconut on the floor, it's such a strange ritual. This is fine. Just keep going. Or stop and choose a new field. It doesn't matter. In the end, you will die anyway, and then it will be difficult to change.
7) If you are doing it faster or slower, then you are doing something wrong.
A good example is Google.
8) Essencenotinmoney. Butmoney– normalindex.
When people say "it's not about the money," they should come up with another metric to measure.
Or maybe just do what you love? There will be many days when you will be uncomfortable with what you are doing. If you are doing it just for the love of the cause, it will take much more than five years.
Happiness is just a positive feeling in the brain. Some days you will be unhappy. Our brain is a tool. He does not define us.
9) When you can say: "X is my business!” (X is your new profession?)
10) When can I start exercisingx?
Today. If you want to be an artist, buy canvas and paints, start buying your 500 books one by one and start painting. If you want to write, do these three things:
- read;
If you want to start a business, start working on a business idea. Changing yourself starts today. Every day.
11) How will I earn money?
By the third year, you will have put 5,000-7,000 hours into the new business. That's enough to be in the top 200 or top 300 worldwide, whatever your area. And if you are in the top 200, then in almost any area that is enough to earn a living.
By the third year, you will already know how to make money. By the fourth year, you will be able to scale up and make real money. Some people stop at the fourth year.
12) By the fifth year you will be in the top 30 or at least the top 50 so you can make a fortune.
13) What is "it"? How do I know what I need to do?
This is any area in which you feel capable of reading 500 books. Go to the store and find her. If you get bored after three months, go back to the store.
Being disappointed is okay. Then there are the failures. Success is better than failure, but the most important lessons we learn from failure.
Very important: do not rush. For all my interesting life many times you will be able to change yourself, and many times you will fail. It's fun too.
Many attempts turn your life into a story book, not a textbook. Some people want their life to be study guide. My life, for better or for worse, is a book of stories.
That is why self-change happens every day.
14) The decisions you make today will be in your biography tomorrow.
Make interesting decisions and your biography will be interesting.
15) The decisions you make today will become part of your biology tomorrow.
16) What if I like something exotic? Biblical archeology or wars11th century?
Repeat the above steps and by the fifth year you will be rich. We don't know how. There is no need to look for the end of the path when you are only taking the first steps.
17) What if my family wants me to become an accountant?
How many years of your life did you promise to give to your family? Ten? All life? Then wait for the next life. Your choice.
Choose freedom, not family. Freedom, not prejudice. Freedom, not government. Freedom, not the satisfaction of other people's requests. Then you will satisfy yours.
18) My mentor wants me to follow his path.
This is fine. Learn his way. Then do it your way. Sincerely.
Luckily no one puts a gun to your head. Then you would have to comply with his demands until he lowers the gun.
19) My spouse is worried – who will take care of our children?
The man who changes himself always finds free time. Part of changing yourself is finding moments and reshaping them the way you would like to use them.
20) What if my friends think I'm crazy?
What are these friends?
21) What if I want to be an astronaut?
It's not about changing yourself. This is a specific profession. If you like space, there are many professions. Richard Branson wanted to be an astronaut and created Virgin Galactic.
22) What if I like drinking and hanging out with friends?
Read this post again in a year.
23) And if I'm busy? Am I cheating on my spouse or betraying my partner?
Read this post again in two or three years, when you're broke, out of a job, and disgusted by everyone.
24) And if I can't do anything at all?
Read point 2 again.
25) And if I don’t have a diploma or it’s of no use?
Read point 2 again.
26) What if I need to focus on paying off a mortgage or other loan?
Read point 19 again.
27) Why do I always feel like an outsider?
Albert Einstein was an outsider. No one in authority would have hired him. Everyone feels like a scammer sometimes. The greatest creativity is born out of skepticism.
28) I can't read 500 books. Name one book to read for inspiration.
Drop this thing right away.
29) What if I'm too sick to change myself?
The change will kick-start all the good stuff in your body: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin. Move forward, and you may not get well at all, but you will become healthier. Don't use health as an excuse.
Finally, rebuild your health first. Sleep more. Eat better. Go in for sports. These are the key steps to change.
30) What if my partner set me up and I'm still suing him?
Drop the lawsuit and never think about him again. Half the problem was you.
31) And if they put me in jail?
Wonderful. Re-read point 2. Read more books in prison.
32) And if I am a timid person?
Make weakness your strength. Introverts are better at listening, focusing, and have ways to inspire self-love.
33) And if I can't wait five years?
If you plan to stay alive in five years, you can start today.
34) Howadjustcontacts?
Build concentric circles. You must be in the middle. The next circle is friends and family. Then there are online communities. Then - people whom you know from informal meetings and tea parties. Then - conference participants and authorities in their field. Then there are mentors. Then there are the clients and those who create wealth. Start making your way through these circles.
35) What if my ego gets in the way of what I do?
After six months or a year, you will return to point 2.
36) What if two things cause me passion? And I can't choose?
Combine them and you will be the best in the world for this combination.
37) What if I'm so passionate that I want to teach others what I'm learning myself?
Read lectures on YouTube. Start with a one person audience and see if it grows.
38) What if I want to earn money in my sleep?
In the fourth year, start outsourcing what you do.
Once you have accumulated enough knowledge (after 100-200 books), write 10 ideas for 20 different potential mentors.
None of them will answer you. Write 10 more ideas for 20 new mentors. Repeat this every week.
40) What if I can't come up with ideas?
Then practice it. Ideological muscles tend to atrophy. They need to be pumped up.
It's hard for me to reach my toes if I don't do it every day. I have to do this every day for some time before it comes easily to me. Don't expect good ideas from day one.
42) What if I do everything you say, but it still doesn't seem to work?
It will turn out. Just wait. Keep changing yourself every day.
Don't try to find the end of the path. You can't see it in the fog. But you can see the next step, and you will understand that if you take it, you will eventually reach the end of the path.
43) And if I start to feel depressed?
Sit in silence for an hour a day. We need to get back to our core.
If you think this sounds stupid, don't do it. Move on with your depression.
44) And if there is no time to sit in silence?
Then sit in silence for two hours a day. This is not meditation. You just have to sit.
45) And if I get scared?
Sleep 8-9 hours a night and never gossip. Sleep is the first secret to good health. Not the only one, but the first. Some people write to me that they only need four hours of sleep, or that in their country those who sleep a lot are considered lazy. These people will fail and die young.
As for gossip, our brains are biologically programmed to have 150 friends. And when you hang out with one of your friends, you can gossip about one of the other 150. And if you don't have 150 friends, then the brain will want to read gossip magazines until it looks like it has 150 friends.
Don't be as stupid as your brain.
46) And if everything seems to me that I will never succeed?
Practice gratitude for 10 minutes a day. Don't suppress your fear. Notice your anger.
But also allow yourself to be grateful for what you have. Anger never inspires, but gratitude never inspires. Gratitude is the bridge between your world and the parallel universe where all creative ideas live.
47) And if I constantly have to deal with some personal squabbles?
Find other people to be around.
A person who changes himself will constantly meet people who try to suppress him. The brain is afraid of change - it can be unsafe. Biologically, the brain wants you to be safe, and change is a risk. So your brain will give you people trying to stop you.
Realizing that you are not living the way you would like can lead to a sense of impasse and disappointment in yourself. Although it is not easy to change yourself, this work is worth the effort. You can change if you come up with a plan and stick to it. If you are ready to make significant changes, first determine how you would like to see your life and what you need to change. Then start the process of change with a couple of small actions and set new goals that will help you become a better person. Control your actions and stay motivated to make following the plan easier.
Steps
How to evaluate your life
- For example, you may decide that you want to be a teacher in order to work with children. In your free time, you want to help others, do things with your own hands, and connect with your family. Suppose you want people to perceive you as a good-natured and hard-working person.
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make a list habits and actions that are bothering you. You will need to replace bad habits with good ones if you want to make major changes. Determine what habits are keeping you from having the life you want. Think about what activities are causing you problems. Make a list of these habits and activities so you can work on them later.
- Let's say you find out that your habit of eating out on the weekends is preventing you from collecting money for your hobbies and eating right.
- Or you may find that you don't let go of your phone and it takes up all your free time.
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Determine what triggers the behavior you want to change. Getting rid of a bad habit is not easy, but if you know what provokes this bad habit, it will be easier for you to fight it. If you feel like you want to do something harmful, write down what happened to you before. Something may have been the precipitating factor, and if you avoid repeating this situation, it will be easier for you to change something.
- Suppose you are trying to give up junk food. The next time you feel like eating a bag of chips, think about what happened before you had that craving. You may realize that you are craving junk food when you are nervous. Managing stress will help you avoid junk food cravings.
How to make big changes
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Invest in yourself to help you understand your worth. You deserve to feel good, so spend the money on yourself. Change your hair, buy new clothes to make it easier for you to get started. If you use decorative cosmetics, learn how to do makeup in a new way.
- If you have the opportunity, get a new haircut at the salon and buy a couple of new things.
- If you don't have much money, go to a second-hand clothing store or buy a few items on sale. You can also invite friends or girlfriends to exchange clothes that you do not need.
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Change the surrounding space to tune in to the new one. Changes in the environment will help you change the way you think and see new opportunities ahead of you. First, get rid of the rubble and trash at home and at work. Then rearrange the furniture and other things to make the rooms look new. If possible, buy something new that reminds you that you are trying to change your life.
- Even small changes can make a big difference, so don't worry if you can't redo the entire space. Perhaps a small plant in a pot or a motivational poster will be enough to make you feel new.
- If you have such an opportunity, change everything around you so that your life begins to seem new to you. Replace the paintings on the walls, buy new linens and towels, replace old or broken furniture.
Advice: arrange the space around you so that it begins to correspond to your ideal life. For example, if you want to study or write more, place your desk in the most visible spot in the room. If you want to start cooking every day, move pots and pans to a prominent place.
Talk to yourself in a positive way to motivate yourself. Your attitude towards yourself can either help you or destroy all your endeavors, so it is important to learn to treat yourself positively. Monitor your thoughts to notice negative trends in time. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, challenge those thoughts and replace them with something neutral or positive. Come up with positive affirmations for yourself that you can repeat throughout the day.
- Let's say you think you can't do anything. Tell yourself this: "This can't be true, because I'm good at singing, drawing and baking pies." Then replace the original thought with the following: “I can do a lot, but it’s impossible to know everything.”
- You can use the following positive affirmations for self-motivation: “I am great”, “I can achieve anything hard work"," I become the best version of myself.
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Try something new to push yourself out of your comfort zone. If you're going to make a difference, you need to learn how to get out of your comfort zone in order to grow. The best thing to do is start trying something new. Make a list of what you've always wanted to try and start crossing things off.
- The list might include things like "go to a Thai restaurant", "go skydiving", "take an art class", "apply for an internship", "do volunteer work", "talk to a stranger in a store", "change hairstyle”, “going to work a new way”.
How to become the best version of yourself
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Set realistic measurable goals . Reread the description of your ideal life that you wrote earlier and identify 1-3 goals that will allow you to achieve what you want. Make sure your goals are small and easily measurable. Set specific goals to make it easier for you to track your progress.
- For example, the goal to move more is poorly worded because it is neither specific nor measurable. It’s better to formulate the goal like this: “exercise 30 minutes every day.”
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Pick up new habits to help you reach your goals. Make a list of good habits that will allow you to achieve what you want. Then think about how you can make them part of your life. Set aside time for new habits to get started on your journey towards your goals.
- Let's say you have a goal to achieve a healthy weight. Your new habits can be exercising every day and eating right. To make it easier for you to do what you want to do, set aside time to exercise and prepare healthy meals.
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Spend less time on unimportant things so that you have time for what really matters. Each person has a limited amount of time, so after the emergence of new goals, you may feel that you simply cannot do everything. To find time to work on new goals, it's important to identify what activities aren't making your life better. Replace these activities with more important things and new habits.
- Suppose you usually play games on your smartphone during your lunch break. Use this time to exercise.
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Surround yourself with growth-oriented people who will motivate you. The environment can have a significant impact on a person's motivation and behavior. Spend more time with people who strive to be successful and do things that make them happier. This fellowship will help you motivate yourself to make significant changes in your life.
- Attend events for people who share your goals or interests. You will surely find new friends there.
- Do not worry about the need to exclude some people from your life. If you spend more time with people who are focused on growth, you will naturally begin to avoid the company of acquaintances who can be a bad influence on you.
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Keep track of what you managed to do on the way to new goals and habits, every day. Write down every effort you make towards your goal, and celebrate any achievement, no matter how small. Think about the process, not about the future result. This will allow you to stay motivated and not give up halfway through.
- Every day, write down what you did today to achieve your goal.
- When you hit a small milestone, celebrate it and congratulate yourself on progress towards your goal.
How not to deviate from the plan
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Find yourself a partner with whom you can work together towards your goals. It will be easier to stay motivated if there is a person nearby with the same tasks as you. Ask someone with similar goals or someone you trust to be your partner. Talk to your partner about progress at least once a week so you don't forget why you're doing it.
- If your goal allows it, you can invite your partner to do something related to achieving the goal with you.
Advice: if you have multiple goals, consider reaching out to multiple people to maintain accountability. For example, ask a friend to play sports with you, a roommate to keep track of what you spend your free time on, and a colleague to monitor your progress at work.
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Get rid of the distractions that prevent you from devoting all your time to important activities. The TV and phone can be a big distraction, so don't let them get in your way. If something is preventing you from sticking to new habits, cut that distraction out of your life or limit it. This will allow you to move towards your goals.
- For example, install an application that would restrict the use social networks on computer and phone.
- You can turn off the TV to avoid the temptation to watch it.
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Review your progress once a week. Analysis of what you have done will allow you to understand what you are doing right and what is not. This will give you the opportunity to adjust your behavior and achieve your goal. Set aside time each week to reflect on what you've done this week and think about new steps for next week.
- For example, you can write down how much time you spent working on your goals and what activities were useless. Then decide how best to manage your time in the future.
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Reward yourself for positive changes. Treat yourself to something to celebrate success. It could be a special sticker, a favorite food, or a small item you've been wanting to buy for a long time. Reward yourself regularly to keep yourself motivated towards your big goal.
- As a reward for small changes, you can put a sticker on your calendar every time you do something in your new healthy habits or work towards your goals.
- For more significant achievements, buy yourself something nice - like your favorite coffee or an unusual bath bomb.
- When you reach an important point or goal, reward yourself with a new pair of shoes or a visit to the spa.
Figure out how you imagine your ideal life. If you want to completely change, you may feel that your life is not developing the way you would like. To become the best version of yourself, it is important to understand how you want to see your life. Think about your ideal job or school, how you want to spend your days, and how you want to appear to other people.
Helpful Hints
You can't change yourself - it's not even worth trying. Yes, at various seminars and self-improvement courses trying to convince you otherwise. But you should not pay attention to them. Why? Yes, because they are all wrong. At least in wording.
You cannot change. And all your attempts to change are nothing more than the attempts of a thirsty person to keep up with his mirage in the hot desert. In general, it's all empty. Therefore, do not try to chase mirages. Better do something else.
But why can't you change? Yes, because the very idea that you need to change, this is a conditional. This is something you need to do in order to feel better. But you may feel worse.
We bring to your attention the most profound analysis of what we mean by the phrase "change yourself". Analysis without deception and false appeals. An analysis that will give you an answer to the main question - how to change your life for the better and why you should not try to change yourself for this?
Changing lives without changing ourselves
Changing yourself and changing something in yourself are two different things.
Yesterday you did not have the opportunity to read this article. Today you will read it. Does this mean you will change? Both answers - yes and no - are correct. But it all depends on what meaning you put in the verb "to change."
Technically speaking, you are always changing and not changing at the same time. It depends how you look at it. Because your conclusion that you have changed or not changed exists only as thoughts in your head.
Someone might decide that "changing yourself" means making a billion dollars. And then you can spend the rest of your life beating yourself up, and blaming himself for not being able to "change". Therefore, this is not the best use of the verb "to change".
Someone else might decide to "change themselves" by not pouring mayonnaise on fried potatoes. In this example, trying to change yourself looks ridiculously simple and quite doable. But does this mean that such a person has changed himself? Of course not.
We are constantly told that in order to improve our lives - you need to change yourself, change something in yourself. The mistake of this formulation of the question lies in the fact that "to change oneself" and "to change something in oneself" are two completely different things. Take that as a basis and let's move on.
What is change?
There is a feeling that this is just an empty play on words: to change yourself or change something in yourself - what's the difference? Not at all. If you think about it, then in the first case we are offered an empty ephemerality, while the second advice is more like a practically feasible task. An example will help you understand this better.
Imagine a person who constantly lies to their friend, therapist, or former life partner, claiming that he finally came to the idea to change himself and this is about to happen. His promises are imaginary and artificial.
And if this person lied before, and then suddenly stopped doing it, does this mean that he has changed? Does this mean that such a person has completely and irrevocably changed? What are the chances he won't start lying again?
And even if that person doesn't lie anymore, what does it matter? Especially for hundreds of people slandered by this man. The main idea is that we do not know what it is to change ourselves, because we do not know who we really are!
For example, if you get up tomorrow morning and don't do what you normally do every morning, does that mean you've changed? Or will you remain the SAME PERSON who is just trying to do things differently?
And here a very important question arises - who can confirm that you have changed? Or have not changed ... And here is the main problem, which is related to using the "change yourself" construct: any change requires the involvement of your personality in this process.
Can a person's personality be changed?
The need to change one's personality is a false path
When you involve yourself in the process of changing your personality, you become truly emotionally attached to something that is not really there. You easily fall into hysterics, start blaming yourself and others for everything, eventually coming to the conclusion that you are an empty place that is worthless in this world.
Another example: promising yourself that you will change and go to the gym every week is one thing. And it's completely different to say to yourself: "It's time to finally change and become the person who goes to the gym every week".
Saying the first thing to yourself is very easy. You want to go to the gym. And you go (or don't go). The second phrase said to yourself implies that in order to go to the gym, you need to completely rethink yourself.
And it raises a storm of emotions. If you succeeded (which, sorry, is unlikely), you get an amazing feeling that you have become a new person. This feeling will be with you exactly as long as you do not feel worthless again and do not want to "change" again.
And if you suddenly fail, you will again punish yourself morally for your incorrigible laziness. And this is precisely the whole problem associated with the fact that you involve your personality in this process.
If (or when) something doesn't work out for you, you start thinking: "Maybe I'm kidding myself? Maybe I'm not fit for sports? Maybe it's not mine? Then why should I even try?"
As you decide that such inconstancy is a characteristic of your character and YOUR PERSONALITY, you begin to evaluate it in terms of your own inability to kick yourself in the ass and go to training.
You start to hate yourself. And then your motivation is to "change yourself", or in general do something in the near future, disappears. On the other hand, if you succeed, you begin to feel an emotional high, losing your sense of yourself for a period of time.
But soon this feeling of uplifting disappears. And then you have another need to determine new "changes" for yourself, which will need to be achieved. And you again begin to engage in self-flagellation of your personality, trying to achieve these changes.
You become a person again "hooked" on the need for personal change– just like how some get hooked on drugs, others get addicted to drinking, and still others become addicted to gambling.
But here's the most important secret for you - there is no such thing as a person fit for sports. There are just people who go to the gym and play sports.
Similarly, there is no such thing as a very "productive" person. There are just people who often spend their time productively. There is not even such a thing as a sympathetic person. It's just that there are people who don't behave like narcissistic egoists.
Changed human behavior
Changing yourself is just making a different choice
Take care of your true identity. When we involve our personality in the processes described above, when we decide that our worth as a person is determined by how we behaved or what events happen to us, we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions.
And when we are overwhelmed by a storm of unnecessary emotions, we act like the last fools. Instead of this we should take a look at our lives, like a long series of sequences of actions and decisions.
And then we will understand that "to change ourselves" means to make a slightly different choice, make a different decision or act differently than usual. Here's another example for you: imagine a person who hates getting up early in the morning. It's not difficult, given the fact that many of us go to bed very late...
Such behavior snowballs into many aspects of such a person's life. For example, it affects his productivity during the day. Perhaps he often has to sit up at his desk at night.
After that, the next day, this person feels even more tired, being in constant stress. But the next night everything repeats: he is forced to work again at night, going to bed even later than usual.
At the end of the week, such a person feels completely overwhelmed. And then he, to unwind, indulges in all serious, trying to relieve stress by drinking trying to unwind in nightclubs. But this behavior only exhausts him even more - his fatigue will go with him into the next week.
Many of us live this way. At the same time, we manage to do business, build our career. With the help of horse doses of coffee, probably ... It's hard for us. And we, instead of assessing the correctness of such a rhythm, begin to identify our bad habits and our irrational behavior with our personality.
In fact, this behavior becomes part of our personality. And we believe that this is our true identity. And we say to ourselves: "Yes, I am such a person! I can't get up early in the morning, and I can't go to bed on time. I don't need this! Because I can work at night, even all night long!"
And we really can, while we are quite young and full of energy. But as we grow older, we suddenly realize that we can no longer do it the way we could before. There is a problem associated with the realization of a decrease in one's own productivity.
And then, instead of becoming aware of their bad habits, some keep saying to themselves: "I just not built to get up early in the morning" . Or: "I'm just physically not ready to do in the morning what other people usually do".
To think like that is to give up before you try to do anything. We fight ourselves by forcing ourselves to get up early in the morning, go for a run, or make a healthy breakfast. And when we lose this fight, we say to ourselves: "Well, I told / said that the morning is not my time".
And yet, we need to overcome ourselves. And this happens through the understanding that we do not really know ourselves. But that doesn't matter! After all, the most important thing is to understand that doing the right things is right! It is good to wake up early in the morning, start the day with the usual simple things, and eat a healthy breakfast.
To do this, you need to separate your personality from what you do, and just do what you have to do - this is the best course of action. Does this mean that you will feel like you are "made" to wake up early in the morning? Who knows! And who cares more than you?
Abstract your "I" from your decisions, because, most likely, your decisions are not always you. Just ask yourself the following question - is what I want to do good for me? If the answer is yes, then just go ahead and do it.
Didn't you succeed? But do you still think it's good for you? Then do it again! Finally, if at some point it seems to you that this is really not for you, then stop doing it. That's the whole secret.
Change what you do but not yourself
Many of us feel like we are mired in certain bad habits. In fact, we are just emotionally "rooted" to the wrong behavior. Take the smoker: he doesn't just smoke cigarettes. His whole personality is built around smoking.
Smoking changes his social life, his diet and sleep patterns; changes the way he feels about himself and those around him. He becomes a "smoker" for his friends and his family. He builds relationships with cigarettes, so to speak, just like people build relationships with pets or children with their favorite toy.
When someone decides to change himself by giving up cigarettes, he is, in essence, trying to change his own personality - change all your habits, attitudes, views, change the culture of consumption. All that was with him for years. Not surprisingly, few people succeed in quitting smoking.
The secret to quitting smoking (as well as the secret to quitting any other habit) lies only in the realization of the fact that the person in which the smoker has enclosed his mind and called "himself" does not actually exist.
This is just a convention. If you want, the usual facade. And it can be enhanced or destroyed as you wish. Because you are not a smoker. You are a person who only chose smoking.
