“My daughter does not want anything, she is not interested in anything,” complains the mother of 14-year-old Ekaterina. “Does not read, does not walk, sometimes plays computer games or listens to music on headphones.” The mother of 11-year-old Yegor echoes her: “Having hardly returned from school, he sits down at the computer, plays until night and communicates with someone there, he doesn’t even go out for a walk. If I reproach him, he objects: "I'm doing my homework." I don't know what to do, but it worries me."
Such concern and anxiety is familiar to many parents. Their children, especially preteens and teenagers, don't want to do anything. They sit in their room, watch TV, play computer games, do not want to talk, reducing all communication exclusively to messages on social networks. What can be done here? How to convince a clearly unmotivated child to do anything? How to resist the passivity supported by modern technology?
Putting pressure on a child, shaming him and reprimanding him is obviously useless. But this does not mean that parents are completely helpless. Let's try to look at the situation not as educators, but as researchers.
“Imagine that motivation is not an internal quality, not the engine inside the child that shapes behavior, but rather the result of interaction environment, temperament of the child (a biological characteristic inherent in him from birth) and his personality. For example, some people constantly need novelty, some do not, some are much more sociable, and some are introverted,” suggests Alan Kazdin, PhD, director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Care Clinic. He also makes two important points:
- Lack of activity and peculiarities of attitude to life do not remain unchanged and unshakable;
- The situation at home and the actions of other people can greatly influence a child's motivation.
What exactly is the problem?
Unwillingness to do something, lack of motivation can have many reasons, among which there may be both external and internal. So before drawing conclusions, let's try to figure out what exactly we consider the lack of motivation. Alan Kazdin lists several factors to consider.
1. Free time
Having free time is not just normal, it is absolutely necessary. For many children, life is too scheduled, too busy with different things, and often they cannot afford such a luxury as just doing nothing, dreaming for at least an hour. However, the child needs free time.
Resist the urge to plan every minute of his life, do not be afraid of periods of what may seem to you as an unconstructive, unproductive pastime. Let it be a child. And it is better to specially allocate time for this in his schedule.
It’s great if both of you have the opportunity to spend some time together without specific cases and deadlines. You can discuss something interesting, just chat about trifles, play cards, admire the clouds - do whatever you want at this moment.
2. Household chores
In preteens and adolescence, children often lose interest in household chores. The child during this period is focused on communication with peers. They listen to the same music, wear similar clothes, joke about the same topics. They tend to have contempt for all adults.
In this case, the lack of motivation to do household chores is absolutely natural. If by this time you have managed to develop a certain order and traditions in the house, for example, have lunch and dinner together, do some household chores, get out somewhere, then it is much easier to continue doing this even when a small child turns into a teenager. This helps the child to participate in family life.
3. Signs of depression
One situation that should cause you concern is when a child who has always been active, sociable and interested suddenly becomes lethargic, sits at home, does almost nothing and does not express interest in any activity. Such changes in behavior may be a sign of depression. This is not the only reason, but one of the possible ones. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to what the child says about himself.
If his comments express a negative assessment of himself (“I can’t do anything right”) or the world around him (“there is nothing else interesting around”) or hopelessness about the future (“it will all end as badly as ever”) is a serious cause for concern.
He may become more irritable and sensitive than usual, his habits may change in how he eats, how he sleeps. It is important to take even seemingly jocular comments between the case like "I wish I were dead" seriously if they are repeated. If you have any doubts, be sure to consult a professional psychologist.
4. Absent-mindedness
It is also possible that the child cannot concentrate, and this is what seems to you to be a lack of motivation. In this case, the cause is not necessarily a lack of interest or a depressed mood. Probably, the whole point is in difficulties with voluntary attention: the child is simply physically unable to perform the same task for more than a few minutes, he immediately switches to another, then another. This can happen at home, at school, or anywhere else.
The child has a much narrower circle of communication, types of activities, therefore, children perceive problems in some of the areas more seriously
Everyone has trouble focusing from time to time, so it's important to find out how often this happens. Very often, such children are in a hurry to be diagnosed with “attention deficit disorder”, but this is not the only reason for this behavior. If a child is experiencing difficulties of this kind, then it is better to consult with a qualified specialist.
5. Stress
Lack of motivation can also be a response to stress. Adults often do not even consider this possibility. For some reason, it seems to them that children cannot have stress. But after all, a child has a much narrower circle of communication, activities, and therefore children perceive problems in some area of their life much more seriously.
A child's response to stress can look like depression, and it often appears in response to certain events. For example, if some kind of relationship with peers breaks, this can be very traumatic for a child, even if this does not involve divorce or litigation. This also includes the ridicule of peers (for being overweight, for lagging behind in any subject). What seems to us a trifling event can turn into a serious problem in a child's life.
6. Lack of motivation in general or in a specific area?
Lack of motivation and seeming laziness may relate to some particular aspect of a child's life. For example, children who are teased or bullied at school may spend a lot of time getting together in the morning and show a lack of interest in learning. They seem to be dragging their feet, they just can't get themselves together. Often this is very annoying for parents, but here it is necessary to think about whether the child has no motivation at all, or is it connected precisely with the school, because something unpleasant for him is happening there?
Or it often happens that children who have learning difficulties behave as if they are not trying at all. In fact, they may no longer try, because it already seems useless to them. If the lack of motivation relates specifically to school, you need to find out if the child has problems with learning, to understand what exactly is happening to him.
What can be done?
Even if endless demands for the child to stop sitting still and do something did not bring any result, this does not mean that you cannot change anything.
For starters, you can limit the amount of time your child spends on the computer or phone. You must do this without aggression, but very firmly, because passivity, actively supported by modern technology, can nullify all attempts to kindle interest in at least something.
Of course, if a child spends a lot of time with fellow geniuses, assembling computers from spare parts and speaking in their own invented language, then this is a completely different matter. This is already an interest, not a distraction from interests.
Every person wants to be unique. What distinguishes him from other people becomes his "highlight". A banal person or an original one can be identified by one of his phrases. It is enough to ask the most common question, for example: " What are you interested in?"What can you answer him, so as not to be like everyone else?
What is the usual answer?
Usually, this question is answered with the truth. The one who asks is interested in what a person does in life. Exists some of the most relevant answers to this question:
- The respondent talks about where he is and who he is studying, since the study of science takes up most of his time;
- A person says where he works, if the work can be called his hobby;
- About your additional activity (sports, dancing, vocals);
- A story about hobbies, collecting;
- Message about favorite home activities (embroidery, sewing, knitting);
- A story about your immediate responsibilities, for example, raising children, taking care of the house;
- A person reports what he has a soul for (studying biographies, historical events, fashion trends).
As a rule, each item implies truthful information about the life of the interlocutor.
How to respond in an original way?
The original answer will arouse the interest of the one who asks the question. For example:
- You can use the phrase from everyone's favorite cartoon: " And I make jam well, I embroider, and I also like to play the guitar". Such a phrase will not only sound original, but can also reveal general theme interests with the interlocutor;
- « Preparing for the World Championships in Athletics and messing around." The combination of incompatible things will also cause interest and a lot of additional questions;
- « Vodka, beer, tequila...» Of course, such a phrase can only be answered by a person who is endowed with a sense of humor;
- Those phrases that do not suit a person will also sound original. For example, a nice person may joke that she is involved in an extreme sport, for example bmx(stunts on special bikes);
- You can write about current problems in the country. For example: " Implementing a plan to save Syria", "Developing techniques to lower the dollar", "Notifying the President of new trends in aircraft engine design".
You can come up with many answers, depending on the imagination of the person. At the same time, it is worth thinking about the predispositions of the interlocutor, whether he will appreciate this joke.
How to answer a guy's question?
If a young man communicates with a girl and wants to please her, then he needs to reveal himself as positively as possible when answering this question. Exists phrase pattern and for this case:
- “I am engaged in building a career, because in the future I should be able to provide my family with everything necessary”;
- “I help my mother and my sister in everyday matters”;
- “I go in for sports, this is my life, therefore I don’t abuse bad habits”;
- “I used to spend all my free time searching for the second half, but now I have to look for another occupation, since it happened”;
- "I am a versatile person, I am interested in everything that happens around."
The young man, answering in this way, will show his interlocutor that he reliable person and with him you can build a serious relationship.
How to answer a girl's question?
The young lady must also show herself with the best side. Therefore, she should answer as follows:
- “I spend evenings at home in a quiet and family environment”;
- “I go in for sports, because a girl should be well-groomed and have a beautiful body”;
- "I'm building career ladder in order not to sit on the neck of her husband in the future”;
- "I'm leading healthy lifestyle life, I carefully monitor my diet and the absence of bad habits, I am a future mother and should behave accordingly”;
- “I experiment with cooking, I want to constantly surprise my beloved with delicious dishes”;
- “I study the psychology of an ideal relationship between a man and a woman”;
- “I am studying, because the girl must have a decent education.”
By answering the question in this way, the girl will reveal herself as a calm and balanced person who thinks about her future.
With her, he wants to build a long and serious relationship.
How not to answer?
With one phrase, a person can completely reject the interlocutor. Exists list of answers to keep to yourself:
- “Alcohol, drugs and tobacco is my life! Without them, I’m bored and uninteresting”;
- “Nothing, I don’t like to work in life and don’t strive for anything, let life go with the flow”;
- "I hang out day and night in computer game(“Dote”, “Minecraft”, “Wow”, etc.)”;
- “I spend all my time and money on clubs and girls”;
- “I am always fond of my friends and cannot imagine my life without them”;
- “My career, fishing or hunting is my meaning of life, I will always spend all my free time on my hobbies”;
- "Shutting down people asking stupid questions."
Each negative answer can greatly affect communication with a person. Therefore, if the plans do not include permanently cutting off communication with the interlocutor, then it is better to think several times about the correctness of your words.
The alarm clock rings - it's time to get up. I have pictures in my head of what needs to be done today. As usual: get up, go to the bathroom, have breakfast, get dressed and start living a new day. With all the problems, noise and responsibilities. And from all this I want to close my eyes and again fall into a dream - a wonderful haven of tranquility. Because there is nothing interesting in the coming day. However, as in the previous one. And the body simply does not find the energy in itself for action: the alarm clock rings and rings, and we delay the moment of recovery. Until the last possible minute, and even further, when it is already unacceptable to be late. And then - you can generally give up on everything in the world and stay in bed for the whole day: I don’t want anything, I’m not interested in anything, why do you need to live at all, who came up with this? And it seems that there is only one problem: sooner or later, you still have to get up and go where you need to, but you don’t want to. But in fact, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the "subconscious" part of which we are not even aware of.
Why sometimes (quite often) there is a feeling that there is nothing interesting in life?
How do you deal with the feeling of not having even the slightest bit of interest in life? How to find the strength to live all the same?
What to do so that life is full of joy, and not a state when you don’t want anything and nothing is interesting?
Not all people experience periods of "no-want-nothing-not-interesting" in their lives, but those who know about them firsthand usually say that they accompany them all their lives. And at school, and at the institute, and at work, and in retirement. Nothing changes. Some say so directly: I have a state, as if there is cotton wool inside - I don’t want to do anything, and everything that I do, I do mechanically, as if on an automatic machine.
Other people tend to define this state as laziness. Especially categorical in such a judgment are those who have never experienced anything like this: as if wound up, they cheerfully rush towards their goal - they study, go to work, get married, get carried away and have fun, and all this is interesting to them. They scold those who do not want not only to live, but even to breathe, and give recommendations on how to overcome such negative states, usually making diagnoses and labeling them.
But what is there to say about others, if we ourselves, sufferers of the "want-nothing" syndrome, are looking for the causes of such states in our negative character traits. We scold ourselves as lazy, apathetic, depressive. We think that we should finally change jobs for a more beloved one, or that we need to complete things that have been postponed for months (or even years) already. All this, of course, does not add optimism. Moreover, drowning in all this, we cannot find a solution to the problem. 'Cause we don't even think about it unloved job, laziness, depression, etc. - it is only a consequence, not a cause.
Do not want to livebecause nothing is interesting! What to do?
In fact, the feeling of lack of "something you don't understand what" has absolutely exact reasons. When we don't have any specific shortage, for example, we would like to better job, family, children, love, money, etc. When everything seems to be fine, but you don’t want anything, then the root of the problem should not be sought in general attitudes or stereotypes about laziness, but, perhaps, in the features of the sound vector. Suddenly, it's all about the sound?
Modern sound engineers are very susceptible to just such a state: they don’t want to do anything, there is no goal in life, there is no interest in anything. The reason for this is the special desires that lie deep in the subconscious of the sound engineer. Life is often felt by them as meaningless, which means one in which there is nothing interesting. This feeling arises for the reason that the sounder has a wish that other people don't have. It is the desire for meaning. Behind each action, behind each of his words and deeds, there must be an answer "why is this?". And when there is no such answer - trouble.
"I have to go to work. Why? Well, to earn money. Why? Well, to afford all the benefits of life. What's the point? Who needs it if I die anyway?"
A soundman is no different from other people on earth in that he is lazy. The rest simply do not have this additional desire to comprehend. They just go to work, just have kids, just go about their daily business and enjoy life. It never occurs to them to ask the question: Why is all this necessary at all? Of course, they have other problems in life: for example, envy, resentment, anger, slander, etc. But all this is surmountable - therefore they quarrel, make peace, fight, love each other and so on in a circle, for centuries and millennia. A sound engineer can't do that. He sits under the dome of his depression - his lack in the form of the question "why?", but not seeing the answer to it, he feels life is meaningless.
In fact, meanings are behind everything, behind our every action. But where to look? The sound engineer is looking for, is fond of, but is just as quickly disappointed. It seems that there is nothing interesting in the world, that everything is primitive, it is not necessary. Further more - when there is no meaning to life, a person feels all this life as a continuous burden. That is, it is necessary to constantly overcome oneself, to find efforts in oneself for an action that does not bring pleasure.
It is not surprising that against this background, from time to time, and then often, suicidal thoughts may come to the mind of a sound engineer - since there is no meaning to life, why not end it ahead of time? More and more I want to get rid of the hated body, which only hurts - all the time it demands to go to the toilet, then it feels hungry, then it gets sick.
When a sound engineer does not have answers to his questions, he not only cannot do anything, does not freeze in a state where he wants nothing and is not interested in anything - he generally loses the opportunity to live.
Or maybe otherwise!
If the sound engineer finds meanings, that is, comprehends his life, the life of other people, begins to realize WHY all this, where it came from and where it is going, then his sense of life changes dramatically. There is no more cheerful and optimistic person than a sound engineer filled with meanings.
And here it appears Vital energy, the desire to communicate with people, unravel their essence, find all these meanings and go further and further, in order, in the end, to comprehend not the life and actions of one person or group of people, but to understand the meaning of the life of all mankind, the foundations of the universe, the reasons for creation universe. A person who thinks about all this will never get the feeling that he is not interested in anything in life, that he is tired of everything, that he wants to die. He will never say "leave me alone!" and "I'm tired", on the contrary - every minute of his life is felt by him as a gift.
There is a way out - it is also an entrance: this is the knowledge of the unconscious!
Today, every sound person already has the opportunity to fill himself with what he lacks - meanings. It is enough to study the latest research on
With all the variety of opportunities that life offers, some people find themselves in a kind of impasse. They are not interested in anything. They just don't care about life. How to act in such a situation? Is it possible to recognize the onset of such a state in another person? Can you help him? And, most importantly, is it worth doing it at all? What lies behind such apathy? What is the algorithm of actions, if nothing interests you?
Why is life becoming uninteresting?
The reasons for such thoughts, in fact, are not so many. They can be conditionally combined into two groups: external and internal. They all come down to human psychology. Either something was missing from him, and he lost the goal in front of his eyes, or he simply lost interest in what is available.
In the first case, we are talking about the absence of a factor that caused positive emotions. Perhaps this is some kind of hobby, work, or even another person. For example, someone cannot imagine himself without the surf and surfing, but due to circumstances he finds himself in a desert area. He is no longer interested in life! Sometimes, after being fired from your favorite job or retirement. Days become monotonous and boring, and memories only begin to “rub salt in the wound” more strongly. Or, the girl is thrown by her beloved guy, and she understands that she is more. There are many reasons, but the result is the same - loss of interest and passion for life.
In the second case, a person ceases to be happy with what he has. He loses zeal for work, study, friends and other attributes of his world. When everything is there, but nothing interests you - it's already more difficult! After all, the reasons for which it became not interesting to live are no longer so obvious. And without understanding the essence of the problem, it is much more difficult to start solving it.
Enthusiasm is a complex physiological process that is associated with the release of “happiness” hormones (endorphins and serotonin) into the blood. If they cease to be produced in response to something or someone, then, accordingly, we lose interest in him. In this case, it is important to restart the process of synthesis of such hormones, because without them, depression occurs very quickly in the body.
How to understand that a person is not interested in anything?
Loss of interest in life has a clear external manifestation. Such a person withdraws into himself, shows much less social activity. He can sit at home for several days, or, if he finds himself among people, he will be reluctant to make contact. One of the signs that someone is not interested in life is the paucity of his emotions, especially positive ones. A dull depressive mood becomes calling card such people.
There are also cases when someone, on the contrary, demonstrates that everything is fine with him. He does it for show. In fact, he is not interested in anything. Here, to pay attention that something is wrong, only enough knowledgeable people will be able to notice the substitution.
One of the common signs of depression and apathy can be considered excessive consumption of alcohol, or even drugs. After all, our physiology needs the production of “happiness” hormones. Not receiving them, a person tries to compensate for this at least due to a drunken state.
What if you are not interested in anything?
The reasons why nothing is of interest, found out. Now let's see how to overcome this. Simple and effective tips:
- Reconsider life, analyze what is missing in it;
- To understand whether it is possible to possess it, if not, then look for a replacement;
- Find a hobby, and for this, learn more about various types activities;
- Travel more often or just change the scenery from time to time;
- Do not withdraw into yourself, communicate more with other people, learn something new about them and their hobbies;
- Remember what aroused interest in childhood, perhaps revive those moments;
- To be in nature, unity with which can cheer up even dull people;
- Go in for sports or active recreation;
- Read books, especially inspiring stories of great people;
- Eat right, eat foods that promote the production of happiness hormones (nuts, bananas, chocolate, fruits and greens).
These techniques are true friends of those who are not interested in anything. If you try them all, then it will be much easier to achieve success. It is important to start the mechanism of returning to active life. This is the most important step on which the effectiveness of the entire mission will depend. It is very good when relatives who sincerely want to help contribute to this. After all, if you are not interested in anything, then, accordingly, you will not want to be interested in something. Most often, a stimulating factor from the outside is needed. Friends, family or employees at work.
There are various motivating videos on YouTube, watching which can also raise the tone of a person who is not interested in life.
Pleasant music also has a good therapeutic effect. Its importance is difficult to overestimate. Indeed, thanks to the vibrations generated musical instruments, the strings of the soul that have died down can also sound. Smells have a similar effect. Significantly improves mood and communication with "our smaller brothers", watching humorous programs or going to a concert.
If a person is not interested in anything, the main thing is to bring him out of a state of stupor. Any activity helps to get rid of negative thoughts, switch to something else. And the surge of “happiness” hormones only speeds up this process. And it is necessary to act according to the principle “if you don’t know how, we will teach you, if you don’t want to, we will force you.” There is not a minute to lose time, because the longer someone catches himself thinking that he is not interested in living, the more effort will have to be spent on his return to normal life.
Question to the psychologist:
The psychologist Dvoretskaya Elina Alexandrovna answers the question.
Hello Valeria!
You wrote extensively enough about what is happening to you now.
Of course, I would like to know what happened before you started this condition. You write that it started with you from school, so there was some kind of trauma in childhood? It is very similar to the fact that some kind of stressful situation occurred in your life, which then was not resolved. And you are internally closed. You forbid yourself to feel, because you do not want to re-experience the pain, the memories of which you have driven deep into yourself. And, perhaps, as a child, they demanded a lot from you and praised and encouraged you a little. It was as if you were being prepared for a hard and unhappy life. You are trying to control yourself, trying not to give in to feelings, both good and bad, putting on a mask of indifference and not participating in life. You literally forbid yourself to be happy, to enjoy everything that surrounds you.
About my young man, you write in the same gloomy tones as about your condition; and nothing about LOVE. Maybe that's the issue. Do you forbid yourself to love and be loved?
Indifference to everything that happens is an internal emptiness caused by the loss of the meaning of life. Listen to yourself. Most likely you feel your lack of fulfillment, dissatisfaction with yourself and others. It also speaks of low self-esteem.
You need to learn how to express sincere love and care for yourself.
Start smiling at yourself in the morning looking in the mirror and make it a rule. Don't go outside without smiling and encouraging yourself. Start praising yourself for any achievements, be proud of yourself.
Remember what previously, even in childhood, caused the greatest emotional response in you. Try to find in yourself that spark that will push you to something new and interesting.
And the advice you were given, of course, was very correct.
But since you have not found yourself either in dancing or in any other circles, there is also hippotherapy, which also helps well in such conditions. Here is an active lifestyle, and fresh air, and sports, and love, and care that you can raise from the depths of your soul and pass on to a living being.
And be sure to contact a specialist INTERNALLY. You may need additional testing. And together with him find a way out of this state for yourself.
Valeria, you have your whole life ahead of you!!! There is so much more for you to do!!! We entered this world to be happy, loved, and give our love and care to people close to us, and not think about how to “kill” them. We are responsible for those around us.
