, Children from first marriage
Good afternoon, tell me how to resolve the issue in the family related to my daughter and my husband. I got married a year ago, we comply. My daughter is 10 years old, my husband and daughter have a difficult relationship. He cannot find a common language with her, constantly makes comments to her, she tries to do everything and correct her actions, on which her husband makes specific comments. The child does not want to live in our family, she cries often because of my husband's dislike. My husband has children in his first marriage, and the youngest is a daughter. To her, he shows warmth and says that, since she is far from me, I show warmth. What should I do? This situation is heating up and breaking shlom byte(peace in the family). Thank you. N.
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If a person changes his surname with a living father - is it a sin?
Rav Jacob Shub
He and his mother have been divorced for a long time ...
Rav Boruch Kuperman
Rabbi Levi Gdalevich
Biography of Rabbi Boruch Kuperman (interview with his daughter Tzipora Kharitan)
Entry #2624.
The reading was conducted by Kairat and Valentina Kinibaeva.
The duration of the session is 1 hour 44 minutes.
Man, Kazakhstan (reading conducted via Skype).
Q. What's wrong with his spine?
A. There are problems in the cervical and lumbar spine. There are minor changes in the thoracic region. Osteochondrosis in the cervical-thoracic region, in the region of the 3rd vertebra of the lumbar region. There is a right bulge.
Massage the entire back with honey and mumiyo. After this procedure, you can rub the problem areas with fir oil, and then wash off the remnants. This relieves inflammation, enhances blood circulation and the effect of massage.
protrusion. The fibrous ring is intact, it has not burst - this is a protrusion. Be sure to do exercises and cryotherapy - short-term exposure to cold, such as cold water. In every city there is a center of Bubnovsky. You need to attend for 1 month in order to know with what load and what exercises to do for certain muscle groups, how to breathe correctly. After that, you can build a simulator at home and work out the muscles.
You need to strengthen your back muscles. Physical exercises contribute to the washing out of lactic acid, which is formed in the muscles that surround the spine and cause pain. Not rest - but movement is necessary to cope with this problem. To solve this problem, on average, it takes 1.5-2 years of regular intensive training.
Promotes relaxation, circulation of energy through the body and spinal column, the practice of drawing energy through the legs. Impact on subtle bodies will contribute to the fastest result. Do it like a quantum touch, and be sure to accompany it with a visualization of how the energy spirals and heals the body. When you do this, you will physically feel warm.
Q. Does it feel cold first and then warm?
Oh yeah. The practice is very easy to master, and he will succeed.
Q. What other problems does he have with his spine?
A. Osteochondrosis in the cervicothoracic region, age-related changes.
Q. Can I use a bay leaf recipe once every 3 months?
Q. And do yoga exercises like the Eye of Rebirth?
Oh yeah. The spine needs to be stretched. The easiest option is to hang on the horizontal bar several times a day for a few seconds.
B. The state of the joints.
A. There is a simple and effective method which helps to deal with many problems. Massage with peanut butter. Buy a cream with herb larkspur in the composition. It is also possible to undergo alkalization of the body once every 3 months, using soda in small quantities, the course is from 14 to 21 days, 1-2 times a day.
It is good for the joints to sit on a high chair and just dangle your legs. Joint gymnastics are movements that the body itself wants. Hands like whips, legs are completely free. For the arms and shoulder girdle, exercises are done while sitting, for the legs and feet - while sitting on a high surface. It is also a good emotional release, helps relieve stress.
The diet should contain foods that contain a lot of sulfur, which promotes the production of collagen and elastin. For example, eat any kind of legumes. Take dietary supplements, especially during periods of beriberi, since vitamins A and C are needed by the skin and the immune system. Use vitamin B complexes.
B. Genitourinary system.
A. The problems are related to the spine. He has to move a lot, drive a car. This is an unnatural position for the spine and for the genitourinary system. The body is not in a physiological position. Congestive manifestations are formed, which affects the form of leg cramps at night. Stagnation in the pelvic organs, there is a lesion of an infectious nature. There is prostatitis, which worsens in spring and autumn, 1-2 times a year.
Waking up in the morning, do exercises that improve blood circulation. Rub the palms to a state of slight warmth, massage each finger first on the right and then on the left hand. Then rub your palms, rub both ears well, massage the auricles around the entire perimeter. Press your palms tightly to your ears, and sharply tear your palms away from your ears. Sometimes it can be not very pleasant sensations. But these exercises are useful for the ear itself and for the circulatory system, it normalizes pressure. After that - exercise cat, massage the perineum for 2-3 minutes.
Q. How to massage the perineum?
A. Between the anus and the scrotum there is an area of the body that needs to be massaged.
Q. Do circular motions with your finger?
Oh yeah. And do the usual anti-prostatitis exercises. A useful recipe is the use of unroasted pumpkin seeds, rolled through a meat grinder, mixed with honey, in the form of rolled balls, at room temperature.
Q. He is allergic to honey.
A. The daily norm is the use of 30 pumpkin seeds. They are rich in zinc, which is needed for the male sexual sphere.
You can use tincture of aspen bark. Pour 100 grams of bark with 200 ml of vodka to cover the entire bark. Insist for 10 days in a dark place, shaking occasionally. Strain and take 20 drops, adding to ¼ cup of water. 2-3 times a day half an hour before meals. The course is the entire resulting volume. After a month break, repeat the course again.
The diet should include celery. For men's health, a salad of tomatoes, greens, celery is useful. Olive oil can be infused with celery roots. Put in a jar of celery oil, and store it in the refrigerator. Dress the salad with this oil. Use walnuts, pine nuts, pistachios.
B. Look at the entire genitourinary system, including the kidneys.
A. Blood, vessels, kidneys. The blood is thicker than normal, there is a big load on the kidneys, which creates high blood pressure. It is important to drink enough water.
A recommendation that will help solve many problems with pressure, blood vessels, joints, kidneys and liver. Take 1.5l plastic bottle, make a 8 mm hole on the bottom. Sit down and breathe into the bottle, while holding your nose. Breathe for 15-20 minutes. If there is a need to swallow saliva, you need to free your nose for this, and then breathe again properly. Thus, carbon dioxide accumulates, due to which the vessels naturally expand, while the pressure decreases. As after a good physical activity, the vessels begin to expand, and the pressure naturally drops. At the same time, metabolic processes in the body are accelerated, which helps to reduce excess weight. Carbonic acid, formed in the blood, is the condition that removes inorganic formations in the organs. The liver and kidneys are gradually cleansed of stones and slags of inorganic origin. Manifestations with joints gradually disappear. Do this daily for 15-20 minutes, while you can watch TV. If there are problems, you can do visualization. Do this only in a sitting position. You can start with 5 minutes, gradually increasing the time. This is a simple and effective breathing simulator.
A. Recipe with millet, wheat broth.
Q. Are there stones or sand in the kidneys?
A. There is sand in both kidneys.
Q. What should he do?
A. Drink wheat broth. Drink between 5 and 7 pm - the time of the greatest efficiency of the kidneys. The kidneys are most effective from the end of August to December. All procedures related to cleansing the kidneys, for the best effect of recovery, are best done during this period. Useful berry cranberry, which has bactericidal properties, it can be added to millet porridge. Use this recipe in the morning for a month, it cleanses the kidneys, even crushes stones.
Q. He has a hernia in the area just below the navel. Give recommendations.
A. The problem is with the intestines. You need to take good quality copper - either yellow or white, but ordinary copper is better, like old copper nickels. Apply for 2-3 hours, fix with a plaster. You can use the same plate, just after each application it needs to be rinsed with running water.
You can apply any clay collected away from industrial enterprises and roads. Making clay cakes-applications according to a well-known recipe. Use every day if possible.
B. Look at the condition of the liver.
A. There are changes in the liver associated with fat metabolism - fatty hepatosis. There is no cholecystitis yet, but the bile is thick, which can lead to problems in the future. Light choleretic agents, herbs are needed. It can be hepatic herbal teas. Eat buckwheat, 100 grams of low-fat cottage cheese per day, rose hips, bran. We need B vitamins: B1, B6, B12. Take hepatoprotectors, like hepadiv, fanetoks.
Displace strong tea and coffee from the diet, it is better to drink leafy green tea. Eat less fatty, fried foods. It is necessary to stimulate the work of the gallbladder so that it throws bile into the intestines so that there is no stagnation. This is facilitated by the use of black cumin oil in the morning on an empty stomach 40 minutes before meals. You can alternate with olive and linseed oil.
Q. Look at his lung condition.
A. He has no major problems.
Q. Does he have a clear lymphatic system?
A. The lymphatic system cannot be clean even in a child.
B. There are people for whom it is completely clogged, and no longer works.
A. He has no major problems. Naturally, cleansing and stimulation are needed.
Q. What is the best way to clean his lymphatic system? She breaks him down.
O. The best option- the use of a decoction of oats for 2-3 months.
Q. Or the Coral Club's lymphagon?
Oh yeah. The way you breathe into a bottle will improve lung function.
Q. He wants to have his vision corrected. Does he need it?
A. It is possible to improve the quality of vision without correction. This is facilitated by exercises that train the eye muscles - transverse and longitudinal. Blink eyes, look diagonally, make circular movements. Periodically, you need to give rest to your eyes, closing them with your palms. Breathe through the eyes. To train the focus of vision, stick a dot on the window, and focus either on distant objects, or on the dot. All methods work, but they take a long time.
Q. He cannot hear in his left ear. Can hearing be restored?
A. This is a long-standing problem - the consequences of a cold, acute otitis media.
Q. It happened on a hunt. After the shot, it began to ring, he rushed to treat a week later, but it was already too late. It can be fixed?
A. Do breathing exercises with a bottle. Rinse the nasopharynx with warm salt water, this contributes to the aggravation of hearing, vision, and smell. You can use propolis tincture, in which a large number of macro- and microelements. Take 30% propolis tincture, or make your own. Mix with any vegetable oil. The oil must be disinfected. Take a metal dish, pour a large amount of oil, put in a water bath, and boil for 30-40 minutes. Mix with tincture at the rate of 1 part tincture - 4 parts oil. Make turuntuds from a bandage and insert into the ear for 12 hours. Do this for 2 weeks. Then take a break for 2 weeks, and repeat the course again.
Q. He wants to restore the hair and its density. There is a possibility?
A. The hair follicles are already lost. The only way to restore it is by surgery. You can strengthen the hair follicles by improving blood circulation. Take a massage soft comb, and make 100 massaging movements. Rub before washing the head tincture of red hot pepper. Make masks using yolk and cognac, also rub before washing your hair. Men should not worry about this. This is only a personal perception, and not a defect in any way. This should be taken lightly.
B. He lives with a woman. What kind of person is she?
A. Energetic, active, sociable, sometimes reckless. Emotional and hot, capable of desperate acts. Do not let yourself and your loved ones be offended. Able to quickly navigate and solve problems. A difficult character, which is associated with upbringing and traditions, although in her heart she is a desperate woman. It is difficult to argue with her: irrevocable and principled in certain issues.
Sometimes decisions can be made spontaneously, succumbing to impulses, emotions. But the ardor passes, it cools down, and if it was wrong, it can ask for forgiveness. If there are disputes and conflicts, she tries to resolve everything quickly. He does not like resentment in himself for a long time, therefore, if a problem arises, it is better to solve it immediately. Always trying to figure out what the point is, and then calm down. Impulsive nature.
Q. Can Marat get an alliance with Catherine? Will he marry her?
A. They may interact. If you create a family, then she will strive to take control of all aspects of life. She is flexible and can adapt. It inherently has a desire to dictate its own conditions, to achieve its own. On the basis of this, conflicts with Marat are possible. They can adjust to each other. Another question is how Anna can accept it. He may be caught between two fires. If you start a family, then tension can arise quickly. Catherine is not very compatible with Anna.
Q. Should they start a family? If so, how to build relationships?
A. The question is incorrect. The union will not be entirely successful, conflicts and adjustments will be inevitable. Marat can rebuild himself and remake himself, but Ekaterina does not want to change. They could accept each other, but the big question is with Anna.
Q. How can they learn to interact?
A. Ekaterina should make more efforts to establish contact with Anna. She needs to accept. Anna has a difficult character. When joining a family, it is important to establish contact. An adult is wiser and more flexible. Marat needs to show love and care for his daughter so that she does not feel forgotten and abandoned. Let her know that he, too, has the right to happiness. It is necessary to keep neutrality in relation to Catherine and Anna. Follow the principles of justice. If acute situations arise, try to bring them together so that they solve these problems themselves.
B. It will be hard for them. It is impossible to talk with Catherine so that she shows understanding that Anna is going through a difficult period right now?
A. She understands and accepts everything. Now the situation is even and calm. But the point is that if there is a family, living together.
Q. Anna will live separately.
A. In such a case, an alliance is quite possible. It is necessary to avoid skirmishes and clashes that are possible when living together.
Q. Is an alliance possible?
Q. Will there be relationship advice?
O. Marat understands that Ekaterina is assertive and demanding. He is the owner, the house, his own hearth is important for him. He likes to take care and take care of. As a husband, he will show many things that a woman needs. He brings everything into the house, for the family. The main thing is not to let yourself sit on your neck. You need to be able to rein in in time, of course, to do it gently. Relationships like this need to be built right from the start. Catherine is inherently assertive, so this moment needs to be adjusted immediately.
V. Marat transferred money to the company on the Forex exchange. Will the company work stably for 5-7 years?
A. No, you have to be careful. There is a high chance of burning out. The company will exist for a very short time. If it is possible to withdraw money, this should be done.
Q. There are many intermediaries working in Forex who work for 2-3 years, and when they collect a lot of money, they leave.
A. They gain volume, and then they collapse. This is a pyramid scheme that works the same way.
Q. Can I definitely withdraw money?
Q. Not worth investing?
Q. How long will virtual money exist…?
A. It will end in 6-7 months, at the beginning of 2015.
V. Marat wants to engage in the processing of tires and plastic by the prolysis method, as well as to produce equipment. Is it worth it for him to do this?
Q. If he creates an enterprise, will it be profitable and stable?
Q. How many years will it take to promote?
A. It takes time to implement and develop. This niche needs to be filled as quickly as possible. The direction will develop intensively. It will take more than 2 years for this to work out and bring a stable profit. And then the market will be condensed, the competition will grow.
There is an internal need for this, because this is a kind of sanitary cleaning, this is a real help to people on a global scale. This direction is actively beginning to develop, and will continue to develop just as intensively. He needs it, he will feel satisfaction, he has a desire to do it, this is his business.
Q. He is interested in alternative energy and alternative fuels. In what direction to work in order to get results and be realized in business? Should he go in this direction?
A. This is a future perspective. Now this is hard to implement. This area will develop, but now it will be problematic to deal with it. It needs to be developed, it takes time. Now the business may stall, it will be difficult to promote it.
Q. In what direction should he proceed? Fuel and energy?
Oh yeah. Now it will be difficult to move forward so that the business becomes profitable. This should be approached not in the near future, but to work for the future - to be interested, collect information, structure it. There must be a gradual development, because there is a certain amount of risk.
Q. Should he go into another business to get a good result?
O. Marat is attracted by serious projects. Small and medium must flow into big business. Its activities should be associated with production, extraction or processing. It must be a serious and laborious process. There he would occupy his niche. Utilization, recycling is the direction where it should move. It is possible to purchase equipment for industrial enterprises, factories, serious and voluminous. This will be within his power, and will bring satisfaction. A purely masculine serious job in which he will feel fine. For own development, self-esteem, self-affirmation.
Q. Will he be advised on a specific direction? What equipment and where to deliver?
A. Agricultural machinery, spare parts. He has a good connection with the earth, so everything that somehow concerns this, he can develop and promote. Everything that is connected directly or indirectly with the earth is his.
Q. He has a debtor. Will he ever pay him back?
Q. He has doubts about Anna's seminar. Does she need to be at the seminar or not?
A. If she actively expresses her desire to go to the seminar, you need to talk with Kairat about what she wants to get as a result, what she would like to learn, or what to get rid of. She must have a clear intention, she must be aware of what she needs. She has a desire to associate with a group of people with whom she will be comfortable. If she is protected from this, she may develop latent, unmanifested aggression. Some practices related to relaxation, internal self-control are useful to her, and some will not suit her. Psychic, channeling - she doesn’t need this now, she needs to be protected from this.
Q. When this will pass, should she be told directly that it is too early for her? Can he study the trance state if he wants to?
Oh yeah. You need to clearly define what she wants and what she can not.
Q. Does she need a shift yet?
Oh no. She is a smart and rational girl, so she doesn’t need it yet.
If you notice a spelling mistake, please highlight it with the mouse and click Ctrl+Enter.
Good morning. I'm looking for advice. I am almost 23 years old. I have been dating a young man for a long time and for the last few months (3-4) we have been living together with my mother. We have long decided to live separately as soon as finances allow, and a couple of days ago we told my mother about this decision. Her reaction was a surprise to me.
Digression: I am the only and late child in the family, my mother has been living without a man for a long time, almost all my life we lived together (me, mother, grandmother), 2 years ago my grandmother died. Relations with my mother have always been good, she always says that there were no problems with me, even as a teenager. I always try to help her, even when it's a burden for me. She has been retired for several months (she was laid off on a reduction).
Having learned the news about our move, the first day she just walked offended. On the morning of the second day, she came up to me in tears (which happens very rarely) and described in colors that she was a lonely woman, asked not to be left alone. She said that with our move, her life would end and in general her meaning would be lost. My arguments that we are not leaving her, that we are a young couple and want to build our house and our family together, she answered something like this: “Why can’t you live together all your life. Everyone lives in families under one roof perfectly. the right to live out my life with my children. Why should I then wake up in the morning. That is, you will leave and build your house on a green meadow, and I will die alone in an apartment ... "
I tried to explain to her that there were many opportunities to entertain herself, that she was now living our life and that we would not be happy here. She called her arguments selfish, to which she pointedly remarked: "It is clear that now the request for mercy is senile selfishness." (She is still incomplete 58).
Now we just don't talk, she made us enemies of the people. My boyfriend and I are now traitors. With my mind, I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.
In general, I tried to describe the situation and ask for advice. How to break through the wall of prejudice and misunderstanding. How to move with peace of mind, knowing that mom is bad. Thanks in advance for your reply.
13 Mar 2017
XuXun
Olesya Verevkina
XuXun, psychologist will comment on the topic after a while.
In our forum section, there are many great articles. If time permits, you can look into it, perhaps some information will be useful.
13 Mar 2017
Hello, I can chat.
XuXun, you describe situations that single women often experience when raising a child.
With my mind, I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.
Click to reveal...
Yes, you can feel sadness and worry about your mom.
I suggest you take a slightly different look at what is happening.
Let's "enter" the mother's position: she is used to being with you, giving and receiving care. She made you the meaning of her life. It was her choice, and you have nothing to do with it. By leaving, you deprive her of your important needs. It is a fact. But - mother has the right to experience sadness and pain, she painfully experiences these changes. She needs to be given time. Any feeling, even the most unpleasant, someday ends or becomes easier. Bottom line: Mom has the right to her sad feelings. You can sympathize with her (i.e., respond to her feelings), regret. Talk about your feelings.
BUT - to build your life the way you want, to live separately - it's your right. You will even help your mother to start thinking about your life, about your desires. You can tell your mother that you will help her, spend time sometimes. But you want to start your own family. And you need her support.
Bottom line: mom has the right to be sad and feel the pain of parting, you can sympathize with her. Confirm your love with care and attention. But build your life the way you want. And tell your mom about it, "It's important to me ..."
13 Mar 2017
Hello. Thanks for the answer.
But I don't even know how to get my point across to her. She just doesn't hear me. He doesn't understand why they can't be together. Why can't you build a family in "our" house. I told her all this, to which she appeals for pity and duty, or meaningfully says: "well, yes, I will wake up crying every day, talk only to the dog and die alone" ...
And one more thing... How, after moving, to find the balance in which we will feel good and mom is not lonely...
13 Mar 2017
XuXun
Mom has the right not to understand, not to want, not to desire. This is her right. But this is not a reason for you to do as she wants. Reaffirm her right to want what she wants. "Yes, mom, you want me to be with you. You have the right to want. I see that you are sad ... I sympathize with you. But I want to build my family relationships separately. We decided so, we want so, it's our choice"
And stop all conversations with your mother in which she begins to decide for you.
Ask how it will be easier for her to survive the trip? Calls in the morning and evening; 1 time per week joint tea drinking; going shopping together on weekends? And agree that you yourself will be comfortable, what you are ready for. You have the right to say no. Let her know that you are ready to take care of her, BUT this does not apply to your family life. Here - taboo!
If a mother chooses to die crying, it's very sad, but it's her own choice. She can make other choices as well.
13 Mar 2017
Thank you very much for your advice. I will try.
Olga, hello. I now have the impression that my relationship with my mother is destroyed irrevocably. She considers me a traitor and speaks through her teeth. It is very difficult for me to communicate with her, rather I don’t even want to do this. I try to calmly talk to her, but it is very difficult. I'm afraid our relationship will never get better. I don't even know how to deal with her. I can't leave her either. Maybe you can advise something. Thanks a lot in advance.
13 Mar 2017
XuXun
XuXun, good evening.
my relationship with my mom is ruined forever
Click to reveal...
If you are having a hard time with your mom and your mom is experiencing the pain of separation, it doesn't mean the relationship is broken. They are going through hard times.
Answer the questions:
1. If you do not take the situation of your difficult relationship now, then how do you feel about your mother. In general ... What qualities does your mother have that you like, are you proud of, respect ...
2. What is moving from your mother to you? Why do you need it, for what?
3. What kind of relationship do you want with your mom? You to her, her to you, to your young family?
Communicating with mom, what is important not to do! - do not make excuses, do not condemn, do not accuse, do not give advice, do not lecture.
Let's create messages for mom that you stick to!
It is very difficult for me to communicate with her, rather I don’t even want to do this. I try to calmly talk to her, but it is very difficult. I'm afraid our relationship will never get better. I don't even know how to deal with her. I can't leave her either.
Click to reveal...
Based on your text, you can make the following appeal to your mother: “Mom, it’s very difficult for me to communicate with you now, often I don’t even want to do this. But I’m sure that we will be able to overcome the difficulties of traveling, because we love and respect each other. After all, I I know you like ... (answers to question 1) It is important for me to live separately with my family, because ... (answer to question 2) And this does not mean that I do not love you and will not take care of you. our relationship was ... (answer to question 3).
Read it to yourself, "make it your own", filling it with your feelings and experiences. And stick with it. It is important for you to show your mother calmness, firmness. This will help her survive the separation.
considers me a traitor and talks through gritted teeth
Click to reveal...
Just be the interpreter of mom's words "Mom is hard for you, you are angry." And that's it. Mom has the right to express her feelings, she just uses other expressions.
25 Mar 2017
Thank you very much for your advice.
25 Mar 2017
Child's age: 11
My daughter was raised by my parents, now the child does not want to live with me.
Good evening, help me figure it out and give advice on what to do. My daughter is 11 years old, her father initially abandoned her at the maternity hospital, it happened in 2008, I had a fight with my parents, they put me out the door, and I couldn’t pick up my daughter, because. there was nowhere. Then she got married and had a daughter. But, the elder categorically refused to live with me. Maybe her parents also influenced her, in general, she lives with them all her life. I tried to persuade her, she refuses to live with me. And then, 11 years later, her so-called "dad" showed up, they hid all this from me, that they communicate, of course, I am categorically against it, in response I heard my claims that it was none of my business, and that I did not meddle in their communication - so my parents said. Help to understand the situation, tears flow from all this (
Anastasia
Hello Anastasia!
The situation is very complex and confusing, there is not enough information in your question, in addition, the essence of your question is not quite clear to me. What exactly do you want to understand: why do your parents behave the way they do? How to build relationships with them? Why doesn't your daughter want to live with you? How to get in touch with her? How to interact with the father of the first child? A lot of questions may arise from your situation, but you have not yet voiced a single one.
I dare to suggest that you want to hear the solution to your situation, but there is no simple answer here and cannot be. The fact is that there are many actors in the situation, each of which has its own motivations, values, attitudes, stereotypes of behavior, etc. and this needs to be dealt with. This process will be long and, most likely, painful, but if you approach the issue professionally, the resolution of the problem situation will be favorable.
The only thing I would like to recommend to you is to start unraveling the tangle from yourself. The fact is that no matter how your parents and daughter, your daughter and her father interact, you must first of all build your own attitude towards all these people.
It is necessary to get rid of resentment towards parents, do not express claims, do not create new ones. conflict situations, try to talk about your own feelings without resorting to reproaches, for example, not "you annoy me", but "I feel angry in response to this situation." Thus, you can not only get a chance to be heard, but also reduce the tension in your relationship, get out of a state of confrontation and move on to solving the problem.
It is also necessary to establish contact with the child. Perhaps your daughter is angry and offended by you and does not understand what happened. Most likely, she has her own position, because a lot of time has passed, so you need to show that you are a safe person for her, you want to correct the situation and, relatively speaking, you came in peace.
In any case, I strongly recommend that you seek a series of face-to-face consultations with a psychologist in order to correctly and painlessly get out of this situation. If no action is taken, there is a danger that relationship problems will develop to such an extent that it will be much more difficult to change the situation.
Love and take care of yourself and your loved ones, all the best!
Olga Dorokhova,
psychologist of the site "I am a parent"
Good afternoon.
My daughter, 17 years old, is in serious condition. emotional state. She has no real friends, no young man who would like her. She says that she does not want to live on, that there will be nothing good in life anymore. Recently, the body weight has started to decrease sharply (51 kg, height 175 cm), she cannot eat. Constant mood swings, often crying. Thinking about suicide. She suffers from isolation from her peers, no one wants to communicate with her. He considers himself ugly, stupid. There were several attempts to make friends with different girls - the difference in interests did not allow us to communicate for a long time (my daughter does not smoke, does not drink alcohol, is not interested in gossip and discussing others, does not tolerate profanity, reads books, writes poetry, studies "excellently"). On the basis of bullying at school - there was a suicide attempt. The school psychologist did not work with her - then there was no time, then come tomorrow ... The daughter says that she would like to have at least one person to whom she would not be indifferent (parents do not count). We have a complete family, my father and I love her very much. I don't know how to help her. The situation is getting worse every day. She was often tormented by headaches, pressure drop, bad dreams, panic attacks. There is no psychotherapist in our city. I really need help. It’s already bad for everyone. The next year is very difficult for her, grade 11, the exam, admission to the university. I tried to talk to her about the fact that everything passes, that there will still be a lot of good things in life. She does not want to listen, says that she does not need anything, no studies, no family and children, no first love. There is nothing to live for. How to change the situation? How to switch it to something else, positive?
Psychologists Answers
Natalia, good afternoon.
Watching your child develop such severe symptoms is very difficult and scary. It is quite understandable that you are trying to switch her, but the whole paradox lies in the fact that, for a start, the daughter wants to be understood and accepted in those difficult experiences that now fill her existence.
It is incredibly difficult or even impossible for parents to do this, since most of the daughter's problems are rooted in the family situation in which she grew up. I do not mean that you are to blame for something, but the fact is that, for example, on the contrary, you are too exciting and caring where it is redundant, and "blind" where the girl needs support. From inside the family system, it is impossible to see the errors in the functioning of your relationship system.
Inevitably, with such symptoms, help is needed. professional specialists, and first of all it is a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist (possibly other doctors) and a psychologist along with them. Only after a medical examination and the appointment of adequate treatment, it is advisable to start working with a psychologist, or at least do it at the same time.
It is useless to count on the help of a school psychologist. They have completely different tasks and opportunities, including competence.
If there is no psychologist in your city who works with such problems, then your daughter is old enough to work on Skype.
I hope I have answered your question clearly and in detail. If you have any more questions, please contact.
Your Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Consultations in St. Petersburg and Skype
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Natalia, hello!
Natalya, to be honest, according to what you wrote, I doubt that your daughter will withstand such a psycho-emotional load of a “good girl” without “bad habits and friends”, an unfortunate child.
Astheno - a neurotic syndrome, as the body's response to overload, in our time, alas, is no longer news. Exaggerated demands and expectations from parents, the immediate environment, the school, made the life of an "excellent student of behavior" dependent on norms, rules, and social time.
Understand me correctly, I am not calling for unbridled behavior, just not everyone smokes, well, believe my experience, not everyone!
Why didn't your girl meet people with common interests? Why does the child suffocate from the load, how could this even happen? These are the few questions that are not answered in your letter.
Discuss it with the girl!
It is easier for a tomboy to live and find solutions, it is easier to enjoy life, to be happier here and now, and not in the distant future, right?
"Pepi long stocking", a book and a movie for your whole close-knit family, followed by a discussion of how a wonderful girl managed to find solutions to complex problems https://youtu.be/2vmftGxEPTQ-How do our desires depend on values? Let's look at cartoon examples!
If the girl had a suicide attempt, then the child is registered with the PND, right?
You can safely address to the psychotherapist supervising her doctor.
Psychologist, psychologist-kinesiologist, coach of parents of children and adolescents
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Good afternoon!
Natalia, it's important for you to stay balanced. Friendly relations in the family, with a daughter, of course, are of great value. -Be in balance with yourself and distinguish between yourself and the Other
If you are considering remote psychotherapy sessions, suggest to your daughter. it course work can give good experience adaptation. Contact.
Sincerely,
Alla Kudryashova, support for the start of change, adaptation, I work via Skype
Good answer 1 bad answer 0Natalia, good afternoon!
To see how a child loses interest in life and makes a choice in favor of death is unbearable.
And for your daughter, too, something in her life was so unbearable that the only way she saw was to die. It seems that she has no adaptation mechanisms. This may indicate some kind of early trauma, when the child observes or participates in a situation where feelings go off scale, and he does not know how to cope with them, and adults at this moment are not up to him. Moreover, for adults, this situation can be quite normal, but no one knows how the child reacts to it and why. Until the time comes to deal with it. And it comes at the moment when the psycho-emotional load goes off scale. And this is exactly the case for the senior classes, when the growing body is depleted from training loads as well.
The presence of such trauma is revealed in individual psychological work. I agree with my colleagues that it is already necessary to involve a psychiatrist here, and the sooner the better.
Only now to admit that your child is sick for the mother and father is also unbearable. Often, out of false shame, parents do not turn to doctors on time, hiding many facts not only from others, but also from themselves. Because it is very scary to look into the future with a sick child.
And therefore, along with help to children, parents themselves need help and support.
In his individual work First of all, parents can reduce the importance of those qualities that they instilled in the course of raising their child, those ideal character traits when the child becomes comfortable, but thanks to which he cannot adapt to a normal, not ideal life.
When a parent manages to lower the demands and learn to trust their children, it becomes easier for everyone.
In your case, psychological work should be carried out in parallel with both you and your daughter. Only joint work can give a good effect.
Look for a specialist first for yourself.
Karpova Lyudmila, psychologist Zelenograd, Moscow
Good answer 2 bad answer 0 
Good afternoon!
Natalya, your daughter needs the help of an intelligent psychologist.
As a matter of fact - if a teenager cannot deal with some subject - then they agree with a tutor. If he cannot deal with himself and with relationships with others, the same regular work is needed, only, unlike a subject tutor, I prepare "for the most important exam" - for life. At regular meetings, we discuss various situations, experiences, think about how to figure out and act correctly in a given situation.
The daughter says that she would like to have at least one person to whom she would not be indifferent (parents do not count).
In fact, this is a "request for psychotherapy", and I just act for a teenager as such a person. Come, the initial consultation is usually held in a joint family format, then work goes on with a teenager, and what we are discussing, for my part, cannot be taken out of the office. But sometimes, at this age, teenagers initially come to me on their own, without parents, by prior arrangement with me.
Offer your daughter this option, come for a consultation!
The main thing is not to let her fall into a deep depressive hole, on the edge of which she is already standing - because then it is very, very difficult to get out of there, sometimes it becomes a "problem for the rest of her life."
Good luck to you!
Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist
Face-to-face consultations / psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.
