Sign language 49 rules how to read minds. Sign language

49 simple rules

INTRODUCTION

Sign language

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance when talking, decorations - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we receive most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, non-verbal information remains "behind the scenes" of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often fail to notice the obvious: we believe the formally spoken words of consent, while the person nods his head in the negative, trying to warn us - I do not agree. We do not pay attention to the fact that the person who greets us with a smile has his arms crossed on his chest - a sign of a defensive position - "I am uncomfortable and uncomfortable."

The book is intended for those who want to learn how to read sign language, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who seek to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of human behavior, to determine the interlocutor's momentary mood. If you are learning to control your body using only shadow-verbal signs that help create a positive image, set up a positive interlocutor, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally, not a traitor, you must learn the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer you this book in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience gained after reading it.

WHAT DO HUMAN GESTURES SAY?

Rule #1

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm thinking"

A person who is in thought is absent from reality, he does not hear and does not see what is happening around, because he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments in vain, he still will not perceive them, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that a person who is in thought has the most active area of ​​the brain, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: "Don't interfere - I think." For a person who is thoughtful, distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are characteristic: hands at the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch his head. apparatus" to solve a difficult problem. Hence all sorts of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a thoughtful person gives out a pose. Remember the "Thinker" by Auguste Rodin: he sits, leaning his cheek on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by such a pose, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. In order to be sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his look. For a person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies, the so-called "look into nowhere" is characteristic: absent, not focused.

By the posture of a thinking person, one can approximately determine what the person is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thoughts (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Therefore, in this moment a person is busy with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. A person's gaze in this case can be concentrated, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, then the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts are devoid of clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The look is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, vague, directed nowhere.

If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. You must either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.

Rule #2

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm interested" category

It is important to understand whether you are interesting to the interlocutor. Often, verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how much you are interested in the interlocutor. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean unwillingness to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.

An interested person is usually quite stingy with gestures. A person can be so focused on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise, so as not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in the classroom or audience, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.

But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening, with all his being strives to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener tends to be closer to him.

It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are mimic signs that indicate that a person is surprised, amazed, is in the most interested state.

If you did not manage to find any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of conversation, increase the emotionality of the presentation, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring you the results you need.

Rule #3

How to recognize gestures from the category "I respect you"

Respect is one of those aspects of human relationships that must be pursued throughout life. It can be difficult to determine whether a person's respect is true or false. Do they give you a hand with a desire to greet you or because of the established tradition?

There are not so many gestures denoting respectful attitude. In order to determine how they treat you, pay attention to how the person greets you. The handshake is a very ancient tradition, which used to have not only a ritual meaning - to greet the newcomer, but also meant that people came to meet each other without bad intentions, without weapons. Now this ritual has acquired other meanings. A person who treats you with respect gives his hand first or at the same time as you. He does not try to immediately remove his hand: a respectful handshake should be long. The arm should be extended, in no case bent at the elbow. Thus, the person should not give you inconvenience, should not make you reach out. Rather, on the contrary, he tries to create the most comfortable conditions for you.

The following can be considered a gesture of respect: a man gives a hand to a woman at the exit from public transport. It can also be formal, just meaning that a person is familiar with good manners. If this is a gesture of true respect, then the person giving the hand should look at you and try to catch your hand.

Head tilt is a gesture of respect. Notice how the person tilts their head. A respectful bow can be accompanied by lowering the eyelids (it comes from the ancient tradition of greeting royal persons - they are so majestic and powerful that people did not even dare to look at them, so they lowered their eyelids).

In some Western countries, hugging is a non-verbal way to show affection and respect for a person, even if there is no close relationship between these people. Hugs are allowed after the first meeting, if people have found soul mates in each other. This, in fact, reduces the distance between people to a minimum. In other words, you let a stranger into a personal zone and invade his personal space. There is a direct contact, which means: "I understood you, I accepted you, I treat you with respect." In our country, as a rule, hugs are only acceptable between close friends and relatives.

Rule #4

How to recognize gestures from the "I doubt" category

What gestures, postures and mimic signs indicate that a person has doubts about making a decision? How to determine that he is not ready to give an objective assessment of the events? You can easily figure out whether your interlocutor is set up to agree with you, to accept your point of view.

The state of doubt is a twofold state. It has its pros and cons. A person, on the one hand, has not yet refused you, has not made a final negative decision, he does not say “no” to you categorically. On the other hand, your argument is not convincing enough, the person has not yet agreed with your arguments.

For a person who has not made a decision, gestures and postures of reflection are characteristic, which indicate that he is still analyzing the situation and is full of attention. He may express disbelief. If a person doubts your arguments, he tries not to look you in the eye. His eyes may wander around the room, he may look out the window, try to ignore your arguments and independently consider the pros and cons of your proposal. An even more dangerous direction of gaze is towards the exit. This means that he is leaning towards the negative answer and intends to leave soon.

A doubting person is characterized by gestures of sorting, rubbing, scratching - repetitive, monotonous. These gestures have the following meanings: firstly, they are associated with mental activity (the person is considering your arguments), and secondly, they have the goal of diverting your attention, confusing you. A person in a state of doubt does not concentrate on you and your arguments, there is some nervousness and fussiness in his movements and gestures.

Here are a few examples of such gestures: rubbing or scratching the eyes, corners of the mouth, they mean that the person suspected you of lying, and your arguments are a catch.

Another gesture that clearly indicates that a person is in a state of doubt is a shrug. Often this is an unconscious gesture. For example, a person may agree or disagree with you, but at the same time he completely unintentionally shrugs his shoulders - this is a non-verbal signal that indicates his uncertainty about the decision. This disharmony in verbal and non-verbal behavior suggests that you can make a difference. Even if your interlocutor has made a decision that is unfavorable to you, you can convince him. If he agreed with your arguments, but expresses uncertainty - shrugs his shoulders, this indicates that you must consolidate his confidence in the decision made. Otherwise, by talking to other people, he will change his mind.

Rule #5

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm alert" category

If a person feels threatened by you, afraid that you can attack him, do something not very pleasant for him, he immediately begins to carry out non-verbal defense. The threat situation may not affect his words at all, but he begins to behave differently. You just have to look at him, and then you will understand that he is afraid of you.

A person begins to use special gestures that mean the following: “Stop. Stop. I feel like there's a catch here." If a person crossed his arms over his chest, while pointing his fingertips in different directions, turned his outstretched arm and palm towards you, then this signals that you should stop. The outstretched hand has other meanings: first of all, this signal will not allow you to approach, invade his personal space, the person unconsciously puts a barrier between you, in addition, he tries to close your mouth in this way, he feels a hidden threat in your words.

A wary person is characterized by a special look: he looks at you point-blank, follows your every gesture, movement with the sole purpose of not missing the moment when you have a “knife” in your hands. This "knife" can have a symbolic meaning: you can stab verbally, prick with a cruel joke, or deliver bad news. This is the moment your interlocutor is waiting for you. If several people are involved in a conversation, the alert interlocutor very quickly looks from one to the other.

A person who feels threatened by you can prepare escape routes in advance - he always notices where the door is, so that if his assumptions are confirmed and you create a threat to him, he can quickly find a way out.

How can such signals be neutralized? In order for a person to lose a sense of threat, you need to calm him down, establish contact with him. First, try to get as close to him as possible, despite his desire to move away. Use tactile influence - touch it, stroke it, you can take it by the hand in the forearm area. These movements should not be sharp, rough, otherwise he will regard them as the beginning of an attack on your part. Try to speak slowly and loudly enough so that the person can hear you, otherwise he will think that you want to hide something from him. If you are sitting at a table opposite each other, then you should transfer to him. If you manage to avoid the situation of confrontation and remove the feeling of pressure, then your interlocutor will be able to relax, and your dialogue will be more constructive.

Rule #6

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm willing to compromise"

Finding a compromise is not an easy task in any situation, be it a family dispute, business conversation or scientific discussion. In such situations, it is important to see that your opponent is willing to compromise. A person may say that he will not back down from his words, but non-verbal signals may indicate the opposite - a person is ready to make concessions.

If you notice a discrepancy between the words of a person and his gestures, then this is a sign that you can get the solution you need from him. It is very important to see this dissonance between the word and the body and interpret it correctly. If your opponent says that he completely disagrees with you, considers your words absurd, but at this moment he nods his head up and down, this indicates that he is ready to accept your point of view and is only inflating his price, trying to achieve more favorable conditions for himself. If you notice such a gesture, then you can not stand on ceremony with him, insist on your conditions, be sure that sooner or later your interlocutor will accept them.

The absence of gestures is also a gesture. If we do not find any negative gestures in a person, for example, crossed arms sometimes, he feels quite comfortable communicating with you at close range, easily lets you into his personal space, this indicates that the person accepts your point of view. Chances are you've already done enough to sway him to your side. Soon he will agree with you.

For a person who has already made a decision, a certain mimic and gestural calmness is characteristic. There are no distracting movements, gestures, the face expresses peace and harmony. Even if he insists on his own, resists your persuasion, most likely this is just a formality.

In a discussion, in a dispute, a person who is inclined to compromise behaves somewhat imposingly, he understands: a dispute is a dispute, but he has already decided everything for himself. He can very convincingly defend his point of view and be internally calm, but he understands that he will still need to come to some kind of solution that suits both sides.

In order to determine what your interlocutor is leaning towards, pay attention to the enumeration gestures used, which, as a rule, do not carry a special semantic load, but sometimes they can clarify something. If a person directs arguments in your direction, this means that he is leaning towards your positions. If the transfer is directed in the opposite direction (he, as it were, collects everything around, rakes everything that lies badly), this indicates that the person is looking for benefits, he has a desire to get the maximum benefit from the negotiations.

Rule #7

How to recognize gestures from the category "I tend to trust relationships"

A person is not always set up for a trusting relationship. As a rule, he does not seek to let into his inner circle those people who cause him doubt or hostility. By non-verbal signals, you can easily understand whether a person is imbued with trust in you.

It is believed that if a person actively contacts you, it means that you have trusted him and he will cooperate with you. But the talkativeness of your interlocutor does not always mean that you have won his sympathy. Sociable people easily communicate with any person, even if he is unsympathetic. Sometimes only non-verbal signals can determine the true attitude towards you.

The gestures of a person who is prone to trusting relationships are directed towards the interlocutor. Any non-verbal signal, be it a listing gesture, his posture, the toes of his shoes turned in your direction, he will direct in your direction. All these are signs that you have established contact with him, which may bear fruit in the future.

Pay attention to the distance between you. If your interlocutor keeps a distance of up to 70 cm, this means that he knows the rules of etiquette and is not trying to invade your personal space. On the other hand, if he doesn't let you into his space, he doesn't like you enough. If the distance has decreased to 50 cm or less, you can praise yourself for being so charming and attractive and approaching the person.

If already at the first meeting a person can easily touch you, pat you on the shoulder, straighten your tie or scarf, you can safely give yourself 5 points for your charm and charm.

The facial expressions of a person who has gained confidence in you are very complacent. A person who is in a trusting mood will often smile at you, moreover, laugh openly, not holding back his emotions, because he likes you and he has nothing to be embarrassed in your company.

A person who has gained confidence in you can copy your gestures. Often this happens unconsciously and is not done to please you, but simply because you want to be a little like you. You can even do some experiment: use some kind of constant gesture in communication with a new person, for example, snapping a finger. If by the end of the conversation your interlocutor has adopted your habit, it means that you have successfully coped with the task of being liked, managed to make a good impression on the person.

Rule #8

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm defensive" category

Protective gestures are quite eloquent evidence that a person subconsciously or consciously feels fear of you or feels guilty. He is in a situation where he needs to defend himself from your attacks, all non-verbal signals will indicate that he wants to block your attempts to influence him.

One of the most common and striking ways of protection is the arms crossed on the chest. This signal may indicate that the person does not want to make contact, that he is embarrassed, that he wants to protect himself from you. This category includes a cross-leg gesture - a person, as it were, loses the feeling of support under his feet. The characteristic posture of defense is straight, the body is somewhat tilted forward, the head is lowered, the forehead is directed to the interlocutor, the eyes are lowered. A person is trying to take a blow with his forehead, to defend himself from your words. This posture helps ward off negativity.

Being in a situation of potential attack, a person tries to close the most painful area. Men use the “football wall” position - they cover the inguinal region, thereby protecting themselves from possible attacks. Sensitive people, who take everything to heart, try to cover the chest in the region of the heart, either by crossing their arms over their chest, or by covering the heart with the palm of their left hand.

In people with different type perceptions may differ in ways of protection - visuals put on glasses, close their eyes with their hands, pretend that the sun blinds their eyes, audials can pull a hat over their ears, straighten their long hair, if neither one nor the other is present, they perform some manipulations with the ears, closing them. Sensory kinesthetics try to keep their distance so as not to touch the interlocutor, often hiding their hands in their pockets, thereby showing that they do not want to perceive the information you give. People who perceive the world by smell, can manipulate the nose using a handkerchief, they may suddenly develop a runny nose - an involuntary defensive reaction.

A person defends himself from your attacks by creating visible and invisible barriers between you. This can be expressed in the form of building a wall, a barrier. If you are sitting at a table and see that your interlocutor begins to build something like a heap of small objects lying nearby (pens, notepads), this means something similar to the "Great Wall of China" piled up in your relationship. In other words, your interlocutor is building a structure that will serve as protection from you. Another person can also act as a wall. Defensively, your interlocutor may intentionally introduce a third person into your conversation. The outsider is in a way a wall, because the defending person hopes that you will not attack him in the presence of a third person.

Rule #9

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm embarrassed" category

When a person feels awkward, ashamed of himself, his actions, he wants only one thing - not to be noticed, not touched, and best of all - to fall through the ground. Feelings of awkwardness are very easy to figure out by a whole range of non-verbal means by which your interlocutor can try to disguise it.

As soon as a person feels that he is ashamed, he will immediately try to divert your attention from his person so that you do not notice obvious signs of shame, for example, reddening of the face or increased heart rate. He wants to buy time to get back to normal, to hide the involuntary, uncontrollable reactions of his body. Your interlocutor may suddenly grab an object, stand up abruptly, change position, for example, try to put on a jacket that had previously hung quietly on a chair. At the moment of feeling shame, a person breaks eye contact, lowers his eyes, his gaze freezes on some object. His gestures, movements become fussy.

Recall an episode from Chekhov's story "Chameleon". As soon as the police overseer Ochumelov made another mistake and he felt ashamed of his words, he immediately tried to divert the attention of those around him, to confuse them, taking off his coat and putting it on again.

If a person has an innate sense of shame, or if he has done something very wrong and is sure that he will not be forgiven, he has a need to dress as inconspicuously as possible. In fact, this is a rather gross error in the use of non-verbal signals. If you look inconspicuous, this does not mean at all that you will not be noticed. On the contrary, you will be noticed, but ignored, considered unnecessary to talk to you, and you will be left with your sense of shame, which can turn into paranoia. Recall the episode from the novel Gone with the Wind: Scarlet, having seduced her friend's husband, at first did not want to go to her birthday party, but Ret Butler made her do it. And he asked to wear the brightest dress - purple-red. He figured that was how Scarlet would be able to feel the full bitterness of her guilt. But in fact, this dress saved her: it destroyed her fear of the society of Melanie and Ashley. Bright clothes help in self-realization, we understand that it is impossible not to notice us, we are so bright: the way a person looks, the way he feels and feels. Getting out of awkward situations in bright outfits is much easier than dressed completely discreetly.

The feeling of awkwardness doubles as soon as a person realizes that his awkwardness was noticed by others. Therefore, people whose awkwardness is betrayed, for example, by redness of the face, look doubly embarrassed. They understand that they will not be able to hide their embarrassment, and they are even more lost. Yes, of course, it is very difficult to hide an involuntary reaction, but, knowing about your natural property to quickly fill with paint, you can always get out. Many at such moments desperately regret that they do not live in a magical world, and that they do not have an invisibility cap. The most successful way, according to psychologists, is to admit that you are embarrassed: “Oh, I’m so ashamed that I was late”, “I, of course, wildly apologize, but today I don’t have cash with me, could you pay for me in cafeteria? As soon as you admit it, your awkwardness will be removed as if by hand. As soon as you express your state verbally, internal tension and embarrassment immediately disappear.

Rule #10

How to recognize gestures from the category "I don't believe you"

Gestures of skepticism, distrust, disbelief in your sincerity can be very easily calculated: almost always these are gestures of negativity, protection. Even if a person agrees with you verbally, but his posture, facial expressions, gestures say otherwise, believe the non-verbal - it will reveal to you the true thoughts of a person.

The most common gestures indicating distrust are protective gestures - these are crossed arms, legs. The person says that he does not want to accept the information that comes from you. A person can manipulate his ears - in a symbolic sense, removes the noodles that you hang on him.

He can use forbidding and warning gestures, as if to understand: “I understand that you are lying to me, I don’t believe you.” Your interlocutor can hint at his awareness by putting his hands to his mouth, as if saying: “Keep your mouth shut “This gesture has varieties: a person can scratch his lips, mouth, ears. Another gesture of disbelief is a negative shake of the head: even if he agrees with you, supports your point of view on a verbal level, he has something else on his mind.

Facial expressions also betray the skepticism of your interlocutor. Distrust is written on the face, the man hides his eyes. He may smile skeptically or simply smirk: one corner of his mouth is up, the other is down. Such a smile indicates that they do not believe you. What you say to him seems ridiculous to him.

The fact that your deceit is exposed, even if you are not going to be exposed, gives the person a sense of superiority over you. Nonverbally, this can be expressed in a special condescending attitude and unwillingness to invade your personal space - a “lower caste” person capable of lying.

Some people have a developed sense of perception of the world by smells, such people are very sensitive to lies. They can make it clear that they saw through the deception by flaring their nostrils: "I smell: something is unclean here."

Once you have received such non-verbal cues and interpreted them correctly, you need to change your tactics: either start telling the truth, or change the argument, using stronger and more convincing arguments. Perhaps after that your position will be perceived as true.

Rule #11

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm scared" category

A person in a situation of fear, whether it is an upcoming parachute jump or a public speech, tries in every possible way to disguise his fear. He begins to be brave, to talk about his fearlessness, so it can be difficult to calculate fear by verbal signs. You will be able to determine the true state only if you can correctly decipher the non-verbal signals that he sends you.

When we are afraid, we tend to be ashamed of our fear. If a person is afraid, he tries to be more careful, but at the same time he tries to hide his feelings. That is why for people who are afraid, there is a standard non-verbal scheme that works in almost all cases without exception. People who are afraid try not to give themselves away, drown out their fear, cheer up, for this they use non-verbal signals.

Non-verbal signs of fear are a special category. They are united by the fact that a person in a situation of fear is not able to control his body, has no power over it. He may startle completely for no reason when he hears a loud voice, or jump if you quietly approach and pull him from behind - this indicates that the person is tense and, perhaps, afraid of something.

A person tries in every possible way to suppress the feeling of fear in himself. For example, you are at an exam, and one of the students suddenly starts talking loudly unnecessarily, which means that he is experiencing strong fear, trying to control himself and reduce his own fear.

A person in a frightened situation may suddenly start laughing. Recall the episode from the novel "Crime and Punishment" by F. M. Dostoevsky. Raskolnikov, meeting investigator Porfiry Petrovich for the first time, tries to provoke a comic effect by bursting into the office, laughing merrily, hoping to convince the investigator that he is going to the meeting without any fear. But Porfiry Petrovich, being an experienced psychologist, is well aware that his suspect only masks his condition with the help of ostentatious indifference and fearlessness.

A person, feeling fear, may begin to whistle, hum a melody, or sing out loud. This is also a kind of attempt to relieve stress. When a person was just starting to explore space, every pilot understood that his flight was a kind of game with death. Before the flight, when every step of the cosmonaut was filmed in order to show people later - “Look how fearless Soviet cosmonauts are,” those who were to fly to relieve tension, reduce their fear, sang. Only close people understood how difficult it was for them to complete this building. They seemed brave and fearless, but by non-verbal signals, because how their lips trembled, how dimly their eyes shone, they closely guessed about their true state.

Rule #12

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm nervous" category

By gestures, facial expressions, posture of a person, you can easily understand that he is nervous. Even if he manages to control his speech, he tries to control himself and speaks relatively calmly, but non-verbal signals may indicate that his condition is out of the ordinary.

Gestures characteristic of a person who is very nervous, as a rule, are as follows: sorting out foreign objects, all kinds of scratching, stroking. Moreover, very often a person changes one gesture for another, trying to hide his nervousness. But it is precisely such a quick change of non-verbal signals, a variety of gestures that betrays a state of nervousness.

If you notice that your interlocutor is constantly scratching his hands, face, this may mean that he is very nervous. Itching of the whole body is a physiological involuntary reaction of the body. When we are nervous, we feel a slight discomfort, which can be expressed in itching, chills, or, on the contrary, in a feeling of stuffiness. A person who is under stress may feel the urge to undress or get dressed despite the fact that the weather does not change. You should not miss such non-verbal signals, in this case it is necessary to understand why a person is nervous in your presence.

A person in a state of nervousness cannot concentrate his gaze on one object. for a long time, he constantly looks around, assessing the situation, looks around, looks at those around him, his gaze wanders around the space, cannot find shelter. And even more so, you are unlikely to be able to catch his eye. If he looks at you, it will be for a very short time.

A person in a situation, for example, an exam or an upcoming important, but not very pleasant conversation, becomes a little inadequate, does not control himself. If he has bad habits, then in a state of stress, a person begins to resort to them to relieve stress. For example, if he smokes, he may even start smoking one cigarette after another. He may bite his nails or curl his hair around his finger - do everything to calm down. Bitten nails are a sign that a person is constantly nervous and cannot control himself.

Another bright signal of nervousness is a nervous tic, an involuntary reaction of the body. From a strong internal tension, the human muscle first tenses, and then begins to contract. If you notice that your interlocutor's eyelid twitches, this means that he is on the verge of a breakdown. Better not to argue with him. Another involuntary reaction of our body is sweat. If a person has excessive sweating, then in a situation of stress, fear, and also lies, he will look like a runner who has run a two-kilometer cross-country - all covered with droplets of sweat. There is also a “wet” palm syndrome: when meeting with your interlocutor, you will understand that he is nervous if, after shaking hands with him, you feel that his hand is wet.

Facial expressions betray a nervous person: his face is almost always distorted by some kind of grimace, and in a state of stress, a change in facial expressions is characteristic. For example, if the examiner is in a positive mood and smiles in response to the words of his student, then the answerer himself breaks into a smile, but this is a nervous smile that is associated with a desire to please. If the examiner does not look at the student at all, then the student's face can change its color: from pale to red - this is fear and fear of failure at the same time.

If you find yourself in a stressful situation, you can not give yourself away by restoring your normal state. How can you control yourself? First of all, start controlling your speech, try not to get out of the average pace, in this case you will be able to regain your composure. If the situation is out of the ordinary and it is difficult for you not to show your condition, then try to come to yourself as soon as possible - for example, stroking your hand can help you, you can ask for a timeout in order to calm down.

Rule #13

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm happy" category

In this chapter, we will talk not only about the highest state of pleasure - about happiness, but also about a positive mood in general, about those situations when a person experiences pleasure, when he is happy with the world around him, and is in a positive mood. How to determine his positive attitude by non-verbal signals?

A person can come into a state of euphoria after, for example, he has received what he has been seeking for so long. So, a person feels happiness if he finds out about the reciprocity of the one he is in love with, if he enters the university he dreamed of, receives praise from a respected person. Very often a person in this state becomes helpless and vulnerable because he is open. The state of happiness is the state of a person when he perceives the world the way he is. Often in such situations, a person does not control his body at all.

By facial expressions, it is very easy to determine that a person is in a positive mood. In a crowd of people, such a person is easy to figure out by a wide smile of “no reason” - he seems to be remembering something: happiness is bursting, he cannot hide this joy.

Rule #14

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm sure I'm right"

Self-confidence is not only about what a person says, but also how he says it. What intonations he uses, what gestures he uses, how he stands, how he walks, where he looks - all this can suggest that you have a person who is confident in his rightness and strength. You can easily calculate confidence if you turn to non-verbal symbolism for help.

A self-confident person is characterized by bright, direct gestures. You have noticed that your interlocutor often keeps his hands in the chest area, but does not cross them - this is evidence of his confidence, a sense of his superiority. A sign of such confidence can be a gesture of hands folded in a “house”. With such a person, you will never notice nervousness in gestures. If a self-confident person uses a listing gesture, then he, as a rule, is addressed to the public, to the interlocutor. Despite the fact that he creates the appearance of an energy return, in fact he takes your energy if you are a weaker person. And if you are not too confident in yourself, then you can suffer from communicating with such people, they can simply scare you with their confidence. Therefore, it is important to calculate such a person and be able to resist him.

A characteristic gesture of self-confidence is laying hands behind the head. Some people consider it indecent. It not only allows you to fully open the chest area due to the maximum separation of the arms, but also exposes the armpit area, which is considered quite intimate. It is better not to use such a gesture. This type of confidence is akin to arrogance.

A person who is self-confident speaks in a special way, making the most of the possibilities of his voice. The voice is his main tool. A person is able to control his voice, raise it when necessary, lower it to achieve his goals. But, as a rule, his voice is even, clear, there are small pauses between words, the tempo is unchanged. The words are like a drum roll: “I’m still stronger.” A person who is less confident in himself will certainly begin to doubt his victory, even if he was in it so sure.

A confident person always dresses neatly, but he very rarely allows himself excesses. Pretentiousness - ruffles, bows and ribbons - in their wardrobe is rather an exception. They are strict in their clothes. However, they are able to shock: for example, open some intimate zones in order to influence the interlocutor.

Such people are characterized by a boring look, they can keep you in sight without lowering their eyes for a long time. Such a game of "peeping" is necessary in order to find out who is stronger among you. If they want to get something from you, they seem to be trying to hypnotize you: they will never lower their eyes until they get their way. As soon as you notice that your interlocutor is trying to influence you in a similar way (penetrate into your soul), you must counteract his influence, put up some kind of barrier. You can briefly leave the interlocutor or put on dark glasses.

Rule #15

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm Oppressed"

It is possible to calculate a person in a depressed state if you pay attention to what non-verbal means he uses. The state of depression, unhappiness can be determined by the use of negative and closed gestures, unwillingness to make contact with others.

An oppressed person uses a minimum of gestures, since he experiences a lack of energy, and gesticulation requires large energy expenditures. The head from the abundance of negative emotions becomes very heavy, so a person strives to support it in every possible way: it can rest on the palms, it can simply be tilted to one side or lowered down.

The gaze of a person with problems is usually absent. He is not interested in you or your affairs. He strives to take the most comfortable position of the body. The fact is that a person who suffers mentally understands that at the moment he cannot achieve spiritual harmony. But in order to increase his tone, to make himself pleasant, he strives for external comfort. For example, if you find him sleeping in the fetal position (curled up), this indicates high degree his experiences. Such a maximally comfortable posture for a person reminds of the most serene and happy time of his life - when he was in the womb. If a person is sitting or standing, he seeks to find support, lean on something, lean back in a chair in order to take a stable position. It seems that all his problems are putting real pressure on him, that he is bending under the weight of his own body, he is crushed to the ground, his shoulders are lowered.

The facial expressions of an oppressed person very eloquently testify to his condition: the corners of his mouth are down, his eyelids are half-closed, it is difficult for him to move, he even speaks extremely reluctantly.

Rule #16

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm bored" category

It is important to recognize in time that you bored your interlocutor in order to interrupt the conversation or turn it in a different direction. If you pay attention to how they listen to you, what kind of facial expression your companion has, what gestures he uses, how he sits, then you will determine exactly whether he enjoys communicating with you or not.

A bored, impassive look, an apathetic posture, an elongated face, a lowered jaw, slightly lowered eyelids - all these are signs of boredom. Have you noticed that your interlocutor yawns? So you're not entertaining him very well. Such a gesture may be disguised or discreet. A person covers his mouth with his hand - this is evidence that he is running out of patience and listening to you is no longer bearable.

A person who is bored may try to entertain himself in order to stay awake. Let's say that there are enough objects that lie nearby, but he doesn't need it at all. Nevertheless, these objects are the only entertainment: he can touch them, twist them, toss them or perform other manipulations. Also, your companion can leaf through any book or magazine without wanting to find something there. He can draw something on a sheet of paper. If your listener writes after you, and does it in great detail, including introductory words, while not raising his head at all, this is also a signal: he does not even try to think about what is being said, he makes a recording in order to occupy himself with at least something .

Your interlocutor may try to show verbal activity - ask questions, agree, but this is not always an absolute indicator of his interest. You will understand that he is indifferent to the topic of conversation, by the slow pace of his speech and the relaxed intonations in his voice.

The fact that a person does not enjoy your company can be indicated by his desire to leave, expressed non-verbally. This is evidenced by the following signals: your interlocutor is constantly looking at the door, the body of the body, the toes of his feet are turned towards the exit. A person can defiantly fiddle with his briefcase, fiddle with the lock on it, fasten and unfasten the zipper - all these are signs of boredom that indicate his readiness to leave at any moment.

To express your intention to leave at any time, your interlocutor can take off his glasses and put them in a case. This means that he has already listened to you, your arguments are clear, you should either summarize your conversation or move on to a more interesting question.

If a person is bored, he tries to take the most comfortable position for him, gradually find some kind of support, he is relaxed, inattentive to your words. If your interlocutor is sitting, then the evidence that he is bored will be his “spreading” on the table. Posture is an indicator of the level of attention. A person in a relaxed position is unable to perceive information.

HOW TO DETECT THE DECEIVERS FROM NON-VERBAL SIGNALS?

Rule #17

Watch out if his mouth is "shut up"

Calculating a lie can be difficult, especially if the liar is a professional. But if you are extremely attentive to the signals that his subconscious gives out, then you can easily cope with the task.

A liar, no matter how hard he tries to hide his lies, can still be recognized: he is betrayed by a discrepancy between the microsignals of the subconscious, manifested in gestures, and the spoken words.

A person is so programmed that his reaction to a lie is always negative, even if it is his own lie. It does not happen that a person lies, while remaining completely calm. Recall the sayings: "He lies and does not blink an eye", "He lies and does not blush." Of course, in this case we are talking about people who are brilliant at hiding their lies, masking their fiction, able to cope with the involuntary reactions of their body. But even if we are dealing with an experienced deceiver, he will not be able to hide all the signs of a lie.

If your interlocutor uses gestures related to the approach of hands to the klitsu, then this should alert: perhaps he has something bad in mind. It can be doubt, uncertainty, gloomy foreboding. But most often this is some exaggeration of the actual fact or a clear lie. What gestures can betray the interlocutor if he is clearly lying?

When we watch or hear others tell lies or lie, we make an attempt to cover our mouth, eyes or ears with our hands. Protecting the hand is one of the few frank gestures that clearly indicate a lie. The hand covers the mouth and the thumb is pressed against the cheek, as it sends a signal to hold back spoken words. Some people try to fake a cough to disguise this gesture. If such a gesture is used by the interlocutor at the time of speech, this indicates that he is telling a lie. However, if he covers his mouth with his hand at the moment when you speak, and he listens, this means that he understands that you are lying.

Touching your nose is a subtle, disguised version of the previous gesture. It can be expressed in a few light touches on the dimple under the nose, or it can be expressed in one quick, almost imperceptible touch on the nose.

This gesture is explained as follows: the liar has ticklish urges on the nerve endings of the nose, and he really wants to be scratched. When you see that the interlocutor is lying, you can ask him to repeat or clarify what was said. This will make the deceiver refuse to continue his cunning game.

If a person blinks often, then he is lying.

Rule #18

The subconscious is always against lies

Even an experienced deceiver cannot control his subconscious. It usually betrays the truth. Therefore, you need to be extremely attentive to the microsignals of the subconscious.

Pay attention to the left side of the human body. It is the left side - the left arm, the left leg, the left half of the face - that gives out true emotions. This is explained quite simply. The fact is that emotions are very difficult to control in the process of deception. If a person is cunning, then he is internally tense, this tension can be obvious, or it can be hidden. But, one way or another, there are signals that give out a person's excitement, even if he tries in every possible way to disguise it.

You should look for such signals on the left side of the human body. The right side is the most controlled. We pay more attention to what happens to our right side. For example, if we notice that our right hand is behaving, to put it mildly, not quite “correctly”, betraying our nervousness or deceit, then we can make it calm down. But the left side of our body is not always under conscious control.

Recent studies have explained this by saying that the left and right sides of the body are under the control of different hemispheres of the brain. The left hemisphere controls speech and intellectual activity, while the right hemisphere controls emotions, imagination and sensory activity. Control connections cross: the work of the left hemisphere is reflected on the right side, which is more controlled. Therefore, everything that a person tries to demonstrate to others is displayed on the right half of his body, and what he actually experiences is on the left.

So, what non-verbal signals can betray a deceiver? If you notice that your interlocutor's left hand constantly dangles inappropriately, describes circles or other figures in the air, and completely without any meaning, then this may mean that your interlocutor is not too frank with you, the left hand, thus, betrays its owner. A similar “informer” on its not entirely sincere owner can be the left leg, which depicts figures, lines and other insignificant elements on the sand or asphalt.

Rule #19

Keep eye contact

You can always determine if your interlocutor is sincere with you if you look him straight in the eye. If your interlocutor hides his eyes, this is the first sign that his words are not true.

There are small nuances that you must consider if you want to bring your interlocutor to clean water. When analyzing your partner's gaze, pay attention to where he takes his eyes. The deceiver pursues the only goal - he wants to be believed, so he does not look down, but takes him aside. If he wants, he can look at you again to determine if his tricks have worked. If the eyes of your interlocutor are downcast, then most likely he is simply embarrassed in your company. If your interlocutor looks up, this is a sign that he is in thought.

If you doubt the sincerity of your interlocutor, and there is not enough evidence, try an investigative experiment to establish the truth. Look at your interlocutor for a minute. If he withstands your gaze, does not try to take his eyes off to the side, then he is not deceiving you. If he avoids your gaze, constantly looking for a place to hide with his eyes, then most likely he is cunning.

It is very difficult to look the interlocutor directly in the eye. You yourself can feel uncomfortable, awkward, try to look away. If you can't make eye contact, then you can use a little trick: direct your gaze to the tip of your interlocutor's nose. He will feel like you are looking straight into his eyes. In this way, you can easily detect a liar, provided, of course, that he himself does not own such a technique and does not try to trick you.

A person can hide the untruth in another way. A well-known trick of experienced liars: in order to withstand the gaze of the interlocutor, you need to actively, more often than simple physiological needs require, blink. So you can endure an arbitrarily long and intent look, even if your conscience is not very clear. Be careful about such active blinking.

Another trick that a deceiver can use is the so-called "cunning look." He intentionally narrows his eyes in order to hold your gaze. At the same time, a person can smile cloyingly, try to mislead you about his sincerity.

Rule #20

Look for emotions on the left

This chapter focuses on the least controllable side of the human face, the left side. We will talk about how you can figure out a deceiver by facial reactions.

Artists and photographers have long known that the human face is asymmetrical, causing the left and right sides of our face to reflect emotions differently. On the left side of the face, it is more difficult to hide feelings. Positive emotions are reflected more evenly on both sides of the face, negative emotions are clearly expressed on the left side. The sincerity of human emotion is usually indicated by symmetry in the display of feelings on the face. The stronger the falsehood, the more different facial expressions on the right and left halves. In short, if one side of the face curves more than the other, the person is definitely lying.

When you have doubts about whether your interlocutor is truthful, then turn to the left side of his face for an answer. If you notice a certain dissonance and disharmony in his facial expressions, this may be evidence of his insincerity. For example, a person smiles at you, but you notice that the left corner of the mouth is raised less than the right one, the so-called smile asymmetry. This is a sure sign of the insincerity of your interlocutor, and we call such a smile a smirk. It has a special meaning: your opponent shows you that you are in his power, that you can do nothing.

If, for example, one eyebrow of your interlocutor is straightened and level, without expressing emotions, and at this time the other (usually the left one) is raised, or reduced to the bridge of the nose, this can also be a sign of your interlocutor's liveliness.

Subconsciously or consciously, a person can hide the left side of the face. Let's say it specifically turns its right side towards you, while closing the "treacherous" left. This is done so that you do not figure out deception by his involuntary reactions.

There are several more facial nuances that indicate that a person is deceiving. Pay attention to the tip of the nose: the false tip of the nose can move, it can take the nose to the side.

Pay attention to whether the person's smile matches their gaze. If you notice that a person is laughing, but his eyes are not, this can only mean one thing - the person is hiding something from you.

Rule #21

Watch for involuntary reactions

A person can pull himself together and begin to control his own body, follow gestures, posture, facial expressions. However, involuntary reactions of the body are very difficult to hide. It is they who can give out a deception, even if you have an experienced liar in front of you.

It is by involuntary reactions of the body that the truth is distinguished from fiction on a lie detector. You, too, can become a more or less accurate detector if you learn to notice these involuntary reactions as you speak. The detector catches the slightest deviations from the norm - a change in the pulse (usually increased speed), holding the breath. According to these indicators, it is very easy to determine whether a person is lying or telling the truth.

How to determine the truth without a lie detector? Involuntary reactions include: redness and blanching of the face, increased heart rate, holding the breath. The most noticeable zones of the pulse are the veins in the arms, wrists, and arteries. If a person's pulse has increased, then this can be determined by the fact that his tie began to pulsate.

The person blushed or turned white, and this can also mean that he is insincere with you. Moreover, when a person turns pale, it is a sign of fear (fear of being exposed). If he blushed, this is a sign of shame for his deceit. In a person who does not lie too often, the color of the face can change right before our eyes - it will either blush, turn white.

A person who cheats may suddenly begin to choke. His breathing quickens due to lack of air. The liar is characterized by spasmodic movements of the throat and reflex swallowing of saliva. Or, on the contrary, from strong excitement before a possible exposure, his throat may dry up, and he will ask for a drink. All these involuntary reactions are characteristic of a person who is not very skilled in deception and is very worried. If your interlocutor is an experienced liar, then it will not be so easy to figure him out. His excitement will be much less, and the voluntary reactions of the body will be less noticeable, so you will need to try hard to identify deception.

WHO IS IN FRONT OF YOU: THE HEAD OR THE SUBJECT?

Rule #22

Hand of power

A person who is used to driving uses special gestures. With the help of non-verbal signals, he says that he is in charge here, you need to obey him. All his actions, gestures are aimed at seizing leadership. If he has a weak opponent in front of him, then he will easily achieve his goal. In order to resist such an opponent, you need to master the techniques of neutralizing his influence.

A person who seeks to seize leadership can be calculated by the way he greets, how he gives his hand for a greeting. If he throws his hand forward, and so that his hand is on top, this means that he is used to dominating and trying to demonstrate his strength.

How to resist such pressure from your opponent? You can grab the hand that is being offered by the wrist and shake it. You can cover the top of the serving hand with your other hand.

During the handshake, the struggle for leadership continues. Here the winner is the one who holds his hand longer, the one who takes it away first loses. A person who is accustomed to manage has a "dead grip" - a very strong and long handshake.

The gestures used by a person who is set up to win leadership are very clear, strict, without frills. His desire to control others can be manifested in the following gesture: there is an object in his hand, the "boss" uses it as a pointer. It can be a pen, glasses or any other object that your interlocutor can manipulate, emphasize significant words. He acts as a teacher, an expert, explaining to others how to act, how to behave.

The fact that a person feels his superiority is indicated by an eloquent gesture - arms crossed on the chest with thumbs raised up. This double signal means, on the one hand, a negative attitude towards you, and on the other hand, a feeling of superiority over you. The interlocutor who feels that he dominates you can, with his hands folded in the castle, rotate his fingers around each other. If a person is standing, then at this moment he can sway on his heels - this is also a kind of pose of superiority: a person is so confident in everything that he can afford such uncomfortable, unstable positions as the position on toes or heels.

Another gesture that expresses overconfidence and a sense of dominance is the clasping of the hands behind the back, grabbing the wrist. A sign of confidence and complacency is the use of a gesture - the hand "house", as well as laying hands behind the head. There are several ways to bring down the arrogance of your interlocutor. You can lean forward and ask, "I see you know this." If it doesn’t work, try to get him to change his smug pose to a more neutral one by offering to look at some picture or illustration, ask your interlocutor: “Have you seen this?” This will make him change his position, lean towards you.

Rule #23

Looking down

A person who feels superior to his interlocutor always looks at him with a special look, from above. He demonstrates his superiority with the help of a whole complex of facial expressions.

Looking down has nothing to do with the difference in height of the interlocutors. A person who is not tall, but at the same time has the lion's share of self-confidence, can look at his tall, but less confident interlocutor in the same way as a boss looks at a subordinate. This is the view of self-confident people with remarkable leadership qualities, successful in life and, possibly, occupying high positions.

Let's figure out what is the peculiarity of the look of a person who knows his own worth. First, he will never look at you with wide eyes. For him, you are not such an important bird to pay attention to you. Therefore, as a rule, a person who feels superior looks through the narrow slits of half-drooped eyelids. With such a look, he expresses some disdain for his interlocutor. Sometimes it has another meaning - skepticism, an assessment of your capabilities.

If you do not know the leader closely, then you are unlikely to be given a glance at all. You must first earn his attention, attract somehow. But be sure that you will be studied, evaluated, looked askance to conclude how dangerous you are.

On the face of a person who is confident in his abilities, a certain standard mimic set is always expressed. He may smile at you when you meet, but this smile is usually formal. It does not express the sincere joy of a person from meeting you, but is a sign of superiority, arrogance, appreciation, skepticism. When smiling, your interlocutor can stretch his lips, but the corners of his mouth will not be raised, but only stretched in different directions.

For arrogant people, accustomed to manage, a bored look is characteristic. While you state the essence of your request or make him some kind of offer, your interlocutor may pretend that he is not interested - in the process of conversation, he can study the environment.

Rule #24

swift gait

A person who is confident in himself is characterized by a special gait and posture. You can immediately determine who is in front of you - a boss or a subordinate, if you pay attention to these important non-verbal signals that can tell a lot about a person.

There is a character in the gait: a person walks the way he is accustomed to act. For example, he is used to achieving his goal at all costs, which means that he will walk cheerfully, quickly, waving his arms. Even if he is just walking, he is unlikely to walk slowly, because he is used to doing everything on the run, he simply does not have time for a slow walking pace. This man's steps are very wide. He is always swift, goes to his goal and achieves it in two steps.

A person who is used to managing people is used to managing his own body. He walks smoothly, he has an elastic, even step, all movements are confident and clear. If some kind of obstacle arose on his way - a puddle, dirt, then he is unlikely to bypass this obstacle, unless, of course, it is surmountable. Most likely, he will jump over it, do the same thing that he always does with difficulties - he will overcome it.

A completely different type of character is indicated by a slow, indecisive gait. Most likely, this person is used to obey, he walks carefully, his arms are stretched out at the seams. He chooses drier places, and if he nevertheless encounters a huge puddle on the pavement, he tries to get around it as far as possible. He keeps looking back, doing it more out of habit than out of necessity. He constantly senses danger. Such people, as a rule, have posture defects - they can slouch. Such a gait is inherent in a person who is looking for easy ways and strives for a calm and prosperous life.

Rule #25

A face without emotion

A person has a sense of self-confidence when he has succeeded in something. As a rule, self-confident people have considerable experience, have seen a lot and know a lot, which is why they are characterized by a certain mimic calmness.

An experienced manager knows what sign language is and that the use of signs of non-verbal communication can harm him, give out true motives. That is why such people are extremely careful to use facial signals that speak of their experiences. They know how to control their facial expressions, and you can very rarely see a reflection of true emotions on their face.

It is very difficult to determine what is on their mind, what they feel, how they treat you, whether they agree with your opinion, whether there will be concessions. But still, you can calculate the true motives for the behavior of such secretive people if you are extremely attentive to mimic non-verbal signals.

Pay attention to implicit facial expressions, hidden emotions, involuntary reactions. Arrange an experiment: test a person. Make him an offer that is unlikely to suit him, and perhaps even anger him, and watch what emotions are reflected on his face. How will he react to such a proposal? How will you express your dislike? For example, anger can be reflected on the face as follows: a person will wince, lead his nose. These may be subtle mimic reactions, but you should note them to yourself. Then try to soften your offer as much as possible, offer something that you think the interlocutor will definitely like. And watch how he expresses positive emotions. Pleasure can be expressed in the form of a half-smile, a gleam in the eye, a raise of the eyebrows, or otherwise. Thus, you will learn to determine the mood of a person, read his thoughts, track his emotions. When you make a real offer, you will simply need to follow the reaction of your interlocutor to determine the opinion: whether he shows involuntary reactions that indicate satisfaction, or those that indicate displeasure.

Rule #26

Attention! I say

A person who is used to managing, successful in business, knows how to use the gift of speech professionally, not only because he correctly and competently expresses his thoughts, but also because he skillfully manipulates his voice in order to convince his opponents. The voice is the leader's main weapon.

The leader usually has a set voice. In their lives, people with leadership qualities have often had to attract the attention of others, speak in public, and they know how to do it right. The man-leader owns his voice, he has an undoubted oratorical talent. Perhaps in the past he performed on the stage of an amateur theater or student KVN.

He knows when to raise his voice in order to be heard, and where to speak a little quieter in order to attract the attention of the audience. If a person has a set voice, then this indicates that he is more inclined to manage than to obey.

In addition, a powerful person always speaks at an average pace. He does not speed up the pace of speech in order to powder your brains, but speaks in a rhythm convenient for your perception, because he is confident in himself, in his words, and wants you to believe him. A slow pace is not characteristic of such people, they never “mumble”. They competently place accents and pauses where necessary. By these signs, one can easily distinguish a leader from a person who is accustomed to obey.

NONVERBAL SIGNALS OF ATTRACTION (SYMPATHY)

Rule #27

Look for the truth in your eyes

You can understand that another person likes you by looking more carefully into his clear eyes. If these eyes are really clear, then you can safely write your interlocutor among your admirers. In this chapter, we will talk about how to determine by the look that you are attractive to another person.

There are hidden and open form manifestations of sympathy. The hidden form is used when a person is afraid to be deceived in you, afraid that he will not achieve reciprocity from you. But, despite his fear, he seeks to contact you, seeks to be near you and look at you. Very often, if a person hides his sympathy, then he looks at the object of adoration furtively, imperceptibly. If your eyes cross at some point, he immediately looks away.

If a person openly shows sympathy for you, then in his eyes you can read interest, respect, the question: “How do you feel about me?” In this case, the eyes of a person are wide open, the pupils, as a rule, are dilated. There is no hostility or other negative emotions in his gaze.

Men's and women's views of sympathy are very different from each other. Women are more creative. It was the female representatives who gave rise to the art of “shooting eyes.” It is the lady who, as a rule, is the first to start an innocent game of “staring”, which, if successful, turns into a stormy romance. Let's look at how women and men send each other visual signals of sympathy.

Male signals of attraction. In order to determine by the look of a man whether you are attractive to him, pay attention to where he is looking. A man, expressing sympathy, examines the object from head to toe. To begin with, he notes your general attractiveness for himself, then lowers himself, holding his gaze at the chest and hips, if you are the happy owner of forms worthy of his attention. If a man begins to show interest in you, this is expressed in the expansion of his pupils and increased eye contact.

Female attraction looks. Girls look different. They are characterized by a sidelong glance, furtively. If at the same time they meet their eyes with the object of their sighs, then, as a rule, they look away and blush. It is considered not very decent for girls to keep their eyes on a man, so they try to watch the subject of their dreams secretly until he sees. The girl begins to examine her potential boyfriend from the bottom up, this is different from men. This direction has a double meaning. On the one hand, she gathers courage to look into the eyes of the man she likes, and on the other hand, for a woman, the most desirable moment is the moment when two eyes meet.

Rule #28

Sympathy is hidden in gestures

Gestures of sympathy are very diverse and interesting. Each person has his own individual set of gestures with which he attracts the attention of the person he likes.

We have already noted that male and female gestures of sympathy are very different from each other. Of course, female non-verbal signals are much more diverse and interesting than male ones. There are also universal gestures that representatives of both sexes use to express or, on the contrary, hide their sympathy.

If, for example, a person doubts the reciprocity of his chosen one, then his gestures are characterized by caution. If by chance or intentionally a person touches his secret admirer, he, in turn, will instantly pull his hand away, as if burned. This does not happen by chance: hiding his sympathy and affection, a person is afraid of contact with the one he likes, because he is afraid that he will not cope with his instincts and give himself away with his head.

Men usually express sympathy in the following way. To begin with, they try to attract the attention of a woman they like, they begin to preen in her presence: they smooth their hair, straighten a tie, cufflinks, shirt, pull up a collar, jacket, brush off a non-existent speck of dust from their shoulder or dandruff.

A man can use the following eloquent gesture: put his thumbs behind the belt in the abdomen to focus on his genital area; stand with your hands on your hips, turning your body towards the woman, pointing the toe of the foot in her direction.

The girl seeks to show the man that she liked him, with the help of the following gestures and postures. She can touch her hair for no reason, adjust her clothes or make-up in the presence of a person she likes. One of the striking gestures of sympathy is the following gesture: a woman turns her wrists towards a man to show her smooth and delicate skin (for example, while smoking, she holds a cigarette at neck or shoulder level, exposing her wrist towards the man she is interested in). In the process of walking, a woman can shake her hips quite frankly to demonstrate her charms.

If a meeting with a man takes place in an informal setting, for example, in a bar or at a disco, then a woman may resort to very frank gestures. She tries to sit in such a way that her legs are visible to her chosen one. In the process of talking, she shakes her shoe on her toes, puts her foot on her foot so that they line up on the same line directed at the woman’s object of interest. If the man is not too far from the woman, then the latter can slowly intertwine her legs in front of the man’s eyes and also slowly return them to the opposite position, gently stroke the hips with your hand, often while the woman speaks in a quiet, low voice.

Rule #29

Did you smile? So you like

A smile is not always a 100% indicator of sympathy. Smiling can be a sign that a person needs something from you: he is trying to please you, and then use his influence. How to distinguish a smile of true sympathy from other types of smiles?

A smile that expresses sympathy cannot be confused with anything. It is always symmetrical: both corners of the mouth are equally raised upwards. Sympathy can be expressed both by an open (with bared teeth) and a more restrained, closed smile. If a person shows you his teeth, then he makes it clear that he feels completely calm in your company, he has nothing to hide. If the smile is sincere, then the look of the person is sincere, bright, radiating a smile.

If you notice asymmetry in a smile (one corner of the mouth is lower than the other, or one corner is lowered, the other is raised), then this may be a sign of the insincerity of your interlocutor. If your companion's eyes are not laughing, while a smile shines on his face, it means that he has some kind of selfish intentions, he wants to deceive you.

The fact that a person treats you well, sympathizes with you, says not only a smile, but also laughter. If a person laughs in your presence, then he treats you kindly, does not hesitate to expose his emotions, to be open. The openness of a person is a sign of sympathy.

The smile can be ironic. This is usually a twisted smile, when the head is tilted to the side, one eye may be squinted. Such a smile is also a sign of sympathy. This is a kind irony, the person treats you well, but at the moment, you may look comical. Do not confuse an ironic smile with a sarcastic smile, this is a sign that your interlocutor does not respect you, but openly laughs at you. Such a smile will differ in greater curvature, a person may have an uncharacteristic squint. It is necessary to distinguish an open smile from a smile-grin, which is a sign of hidden aggression and negativity. Its distinguishing feature: a person exposes all teeth, including the lower jaw.

There is another danger: your interlocutor can copy your smile without feeling sincere sympathy for you. This can be easily determined. If your companion smiles only when you do, then he is simply trying to mislead you in order to use your good-natured mood to achieve his own selfish goals.

Remember that the lack of a smile is not an indicator of a lack of sympathy for you. If your interlocutor looks sullenly at you, never smiling, then do not rush to immediately accuse him of antipathy, it is possible that he simply hides his sincere attitude towards you, or he is just such an unsmiling person.

Rule #30

"And he says, he definitely sings"

You can easily determine whether your interlocutor likes you or not, if you carefully listen to how he speaks. Very often, the true attitude towards a person betrays the voice.

Women have developed a standard for expressing sympathy through the voice. If she likes a man, she changes her natural, ordinary voice, begins to speak more low, sometimes even with a hoarseness. This is a sign of sexual attraction to a partner. The pace of speech is slow enough for a man to be able to perceive the information, in addition, this is a kind of signal that she sends to the male libido, a kind of verbal hypnosis: “Pay attention to how beautiful I am.” Very often in the voice of a woman there are melodious intonations, she speaks, she sings exactly. If a girl is embarrassed to express her true attitude towards a man, she is afraid of being rejected, then her voice is characterized by completely different intonations: her voice may tremble, the pace of speech will be very fast, during the conversation she may be tormented by involuntary spasms in her throat, which in itself is a sign of great excitement. In addition, the girl may try (in vain) to control her voice.

Men express their desire to conquer a girl in a slightly different way. Their voice, in a conversation with a girl he likes, is similar to the cry of a male in a battle for a female, no matter how cynical it may sound. Animal instincts wake up in a man, this is manifested in his voice. They give a peculiar cry, which means: "This is my prey." With all potential competitors, he will be quite harsh, perhaps even rude in handling. As for the conversation with the one to whom he intends to give his heart, here we have the right to compare the voice of a man with a song. He begins to use his brightest voice abilities, tries to demonstrate himself in all its glory. If he owns an instrument and knows how to sing well, he will definitely find an opportunity to demonstrate his talent. His voice becomes gentle, soft, velvety, similar to the sounds of an unprecedented, outlandish instrument, very gentle and melodic sounding.

NONVERBAL SIGNALS OF AGGRESSION

Rule #31

Will "in the fist"

It is very important to be able to calculate an aggressive person by non-verbal signals. By aggression, we will understand not only direct force impact, but also a negative attitude, a focus on confrontation.

The main gesture of aggression is a hand clenched into a fist. This gesture can have varying degrees of aggression. If the hands of your interlocutor are stretched out at the seams, while both are clenched into fists, then this is a sign of an increase in negativity in a person, he is tuned in to a duel. If the fists gradually rise, reaching chest level, then this is an alarming factor. The person took a fighting stance, prepared for a kudara, and there are a few seconds left before an open manifestation of aggression. If your interlocutor’s fists begin to “itch” - he rubs the other hand clenched into a fist with the fingers of one hand, then he is also set negatively towards you.

If your interlocutor wraps his arms around his shoulders, this is a sign of restrained aggression. This means that a person is ready to rush into battle, but is trying to restrain himself. If you do not intend to engage in a duel with him, then, having seen such a gesture, you must change the tactics of negotiating: change the subject, change the tone.

A gesture characteristic of a person who is aggressive towards you is hands clasped behind the back with a grip on the wrist. This one is cruel, since it is invisible to the interlocutor, if a person puts his hands behind his back, then it seems that he is hiding something from you, perhaps this is a weapon for the upcoming fight. But even without weapons, this gesture, in itself, is very dangerous and means that the person clearly has evil intentions.

In order to smooth out the aggressive mood of your interlocutor, you can use the following non-verbal means. First, try to close the distance between you, use tactile impact - touch the person. Remember, all your actions, movements must be extremely slow so that your interlocutor does not take them for an attack on your part. Remember also that if he is set up "unconditionally" aggressive, that is, he plans a fight in advance, regardless of your behavior, then no means will help you. You should think about how to interrupt your conversation and go to a safe place, giving him the opportunity to take out aggression on someone else.

Rule #32

belligerence posture

A person who is configured aggressively is characterized by a special posture, posture and gait. These non-verbal signs will be able to give out their militant owner. Your task is to be able to decipher them.

The posture of a warrior can testify to the aggressive mood of a person: a person spreads his legs wide in order to feel confident, so that there is support under his feet. His body is somewhat tilted forward. As a rule, he tries to cover certain parts of his body in case you attack first. These areas are the most vulnerable places of a person. For men, this is the inguinal region, nose, jaw. Women (although such a vivid manifestation of aggression among women is not so popular, but still possible) is the chest area and face.

Aggressive gait is very bright - a person walks very widely, sometimes even jumps to get to his goal faster, while actively waving his arms, sometimes he can go on a run - this is a sign of a high degree of tension.

If you suspect your interlocutor of bad intentions, you should pay attention to his posture. If your suspicions are correct, then your interlocutor is not standing straight, stretched out to his full height. He drew himself up a little, pressed his head into his shoulders - he himself grew into the ground, became compact, now it is convenient for him to strike. If you are sitting, then your interlocutor can stretch his neck forward and his shoulders back. Moreover, his head will be slightly tilted so that his forehead, the hardest part of his head, will be directed towards you, ready to take your blow.

Rule #33

Predator gaze

If a person does not try to hide negative emotions, then it is very easy to calculate them by facial expressions. It quite eloquently reflects the emotional mood. How to determine that your interlocutor is aggressive?

Aggression is a kind of defensive reaction of the body. A person begins to show aggression as soon as he realizes that he is much inferior to you in some things. It can be a product of anger, hatred, envy. Perhaps your interlocutor is weaker than you in the art of rhetoric, does not have the talent of persuasion, understands his intellectual inferiority, therefore, in the absence of other arguments, he has a desire to defeat you in the way available to him - with the help of force.

The facial expressions of aggression are very active - these are eyebrows shifted to the nose, flaring nostrils, staggering cheekbones, sometimes with creaking of teeth, very tightly compressed lips. These are mimic signs that your interlocutor is very aggressive. These mimic signals are not always reflected on the face all together, most often there is one or two signs. If you notice at least one of the above signals on the face of your interlocutor, beware - he is not very happy with you.

Pay special attention to the look. In an aggressive person, the look eloquently tells that its owner is ready to tear his opponent to pieces. This is a very heavy, piercing look, this is how a predator looks at its prey, preparing for an attack.

Rule #34

Verbal duel

The aggressive mood of a person can be calculated by the way he speaks to you. His words are like blows: sharp, clear sounds, between which there are quite long pauses. Unwillingness to engage in dialogue with you can also be a manifestation of hidden aggression.

If a person is aggressive, then he, as a rule, raises the volume of his voice. And he does it unconsciously, either to provoke you into actions that are beneficial to him, or to intimidate you. Perhaps your opponent does not have a competent verbal argument, so he tries to explain his point of view in other ways, that is, he resorts not to the power of words, but to the volume of his voice.

He tries to "intelligibly", at a slow pace to explain his point of view. As a rule, he does not succeed. In fact, he provokes you, tries, as they say, to “hit”: “Am I explaining it incomprehensibly?” All this is done in order to cause fear in your interlocutor, to gain an advantage before the duel. He will try to provoke, using disdainful caustic intonations, chuckles, smirks.

An aggressive person is characterized by a decrease in the timbre of the voice, the use of lower keys, intonations, sometimes with hoarseness. Such voice changes also have the goal of scaring the interlocutor.

Sometimes aggression does not have time to develop into a fight, and the person breaks out screaming. A person holding back aggression is in a state of high tension. If you have not given him a reason to use force, then this will not reduce his tension. And he still needs a discharge. Very often this discharge occurs in the form of a scream. This is also a kind of non-verbal form of the release of aggression. If he broke into a scream, then he is unlikely to use force against you. He just didn't have the strength to fight. In such a situation, it is better for you to wait until his anger subsides and he calms down.

You can try to relieve the tension of your interlocutor with the help of non-verbal signals. Use the power of your voice to calm him down. You must speak slowly, gently, affectionately, as if to lull, to lull his vigilance. You can say anything, for example, insist on your opinion, which brought him out of balance, but on non-verbal signals, he should read the following: “Do not be afraid of me. I am your friend. Take it easy. Do not worry. Better be friends with me - it's more profitable. If you manage to use your voice capabilities correctly, then your aggressive interlocutor will submit to you, moderate his ardor, his aggression will go away or be turned in another direction.

HOW TO USE THE KNOWLEDGE OF NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE IN PRACTICE?

Rule #35

How to hide the deceit?

You can hide the lie, convince the interlocutor that you are sincere with him, if you learn to control your body. It is important to choose those gestures, facial expressions that will not give the interlocutor any new information, except for the one that you give him verbally, then you will master the art of manipulation.

Pay attention to the gestures you use in everyday life - they are your main traitor, they betray your thoughts and feelings. Almost anyone will figure out your deception if you keep your hands to your mouth and hide your eyes. These bright signals of lies are known even to a child. Therefore, be careful - do not do what your deceit can give out. In order not to give yourself away, you must very strictly monitor your hands, body, facial expressions. Follow the rule: no unnecessary movements. At first, it will be very difficult to do without hands, because we are so used to helping ourselves non-verbally in the process of speech that it will be very difficult to get rid of this habit. But you have to force yourself, otherwise you will be found out.

Unlearning to gesticulate and change facial expressions is difficult, but really, it will be even more difficult to learn how to hide the involuntary reactions of your body. These include holding the breath, increased heart rate, trembling of the body. There are techniques that allow you to hide these signs of deception.

You must train your body so that it does not give out your deception. Ask someone close or friends to test you on a lie detector at home. Your partner should be very close to you and take your pulse by holding his hand on your wrist. Let him control you in everything, follow your breathing, the change in facial expressions. Then he asks you some questions. The first two or three questions should be the most elementary, for example, "What is your favorite dish?", "Are you a lark or an owl?", Which you can answer without difficulty. But the next question is provocative, for example: “Have you ever lied to your friends?” You are unlikely to answer this question without changing your face. The list of questions must be unknown to you, otherwise the experiment will lose its meaning. Continue the experiment until your interlocutor no longer notices changes in your state. You can train long enough until you learn to control your body. You may not be able to deceive a real lie detector, but you will be able to hide your deception from a living person.

Rule #36

How to protect yourself from the attacks of others

You can protect yourself from the attacks of others by using non-verbal defensive gestures. As soon as you feel threatened by others, whether it be manipulation, aggression, negative emotions, you need to take action.

In order to repel the attack of a manipulator or an aggressive person, you must first of all keep your distance, do not let dangerous person in your personal space. You can maintain your independence and avoid his influence if you leave in time or manage to keep him away from you. Suppose, when you meet, a person expects to greet you and thus invade your space, and you are sure that he has bad intentions, for example, he decided to deceive or outwit you, you should dodge hugs or kisses in any possible way, prevent the ill-wisher from entering your intimate zone.

Don't allow a person who has ill intentions to engage in non-verbal familiarities like a pat on the shoulder or a pat on the cheek. Try to avoid such contacts. You can accept signs of attention from him, but do it very carefully so as not to fall under his influence.

If you feel that a threat is coming from a person, you should look away, look at another object. The fact is that prolonged eye contact with such a person is very dangerous, because an experienced manipulator can hypnotize you, convince you of something against your will. Therefore, try to look away, not stare at your interlocutor.

You can let the person know that you do not intend to obey him, do not want to enter into a long frank conversation with him. To do this, you can use closed gestures: cross your arms over your chest or put them in your pockets. You can make it clear to your interlocutor that you are not eager to continue the conversation by constantly looking at your watch.

Rule #37

How to impress in a meeting

As they say, we meet according to clothes, but we see off according to the mind. Even before you start speaking, you are already being judged. You can win the trust of your interlocutor if you learn to use those non-verbal means that can only say good things about you.

To impress, remember a few rules. First rule. Appearance: you must be careful, reserved in details, not too pedantic. If in doubt which style to give preference to, then opt for the classic version - it is always a win-win option. Pay special attention to accessories, they make your style unique, they speak about your personality.

You can rehearse your appearance in front of the mirror - practice walking and greeting. Do you want to impress? Nothing could be easier. Learn to walk correctly. Previously, in order to make their walk and posture beautiful, girls wore jugs of water on their heads. Nowadays, this tradition is outdated. But you can use a similar technique, not only for girls and women, but also for the stronger sex. Put a few books on your head and walk so that these books do not fall. You should achieve the following effect: when moving quickly, not a single book will fall off your head. Gradually you can increase the load.

The way a woman walks is her personality. She can tell a lot about her owner. For example, active wagging of the hips indicates that the girl is too frivolous, trying to attract the attention of men. If a girl paces like a steadfast tin soldier, she is most likely unfriendly, unkind. A woman's gait should be soft, smooth, with the "plasticity of a panther before jumping." If your gait is not good enough, you should correct it. The method of Marilyn Monroe is known, and many men lost their heads from her walk. Remember that it is heels that make a woman a woman. If you don't wear high heels, then it's time to start. There is a legend that Marilyn Monroe had a heel on one of the shoes a little lower than the other, so she had to walk very slowly because of this inconvenience, gently swaying her hips.

A man should have a confident gait, with a wide step, but without waving his arms. It is advisable to stand firmly on your feet in order to give the impression of a self-confident person who knows his own worth, on whom you can rely.

The ritual of greeting is also very important when creating a first impression. When meeting, you must follow the rules and norms of etiquette, for example, if you go to a business meeting, you should not hug your companion at a meeting or kiss on the cheek. For such cases, a calm handshake is suitable. A handshake is a standard greeting ritual that can be used by women at a business meeting as well. The handshake should not be too short, but it should not be intended to take a leadership position, for which some people deliberately hold their partner's hand for too long - this is considered bad form. A kiss on the cheek is a greeting that can be used when meeting two friends or on a first date with a man. Make this kiss just a light touch. Some girls kiss the air so as not to spoil the make-up and not to stain their interlocutor. But this is considered a sign of disrespect and bad taste. If you have bright red lipstick on your lips, you can warn about it or offer a disposable handkerchief to wipe the imprint.

If you fulfill these conditions, then consider that victory is in your pocket, you will immediately be taken more seriously, they will consider you a pleasant person in all respects.

Rule #38

How to speak successfully in public?

Speaking to a large audience is a very important task. To succeed in such a difficult task, you need not only to prepare your speech well, but also to think over what non-verbal signs you will use.

When preparing for public speaking, you must remember the main rule - nothing should annoy you. When choosing clothes for a performance, you should give preference to the classic style, from a variety of colors and shades, opt for black and white, which, on the one hand, is bright and noticeable, and on the other hand, does not irritate the eyes. Your outfit should not be vulgar, flashy, shocking. Let it attract the attention of the audience just enough so that you can be clearly seen, so that you do not blend into the background. Your clothes should not be too unusual, attracting attention, otherwise, throughout your performance, the audience will be looking at your costume, and not listening to your words.

Choose a convenient location for your presentation. Of course, if this is an organized event, then the organizers will do it for you. But if the crowd is an impromptu rally or gathering, then you should take care of where it is best to stand. Find a place where you can be seen from any position. You can climb on a chair, or a table, or any elevation. You have to be head and shoulders above everyone else in order for the audience to feel that you have some sort of advantage. You must be visible from all sides so that you can use the entire arsenal of non-verbal means of influencing the audience.

You must master the science of attracting attention. How to do it? It is best to use non-verbal means. Your gestures should resemble the gestures of an actor on a big stage. For performances at mass events, the following gestures are usually used.

You can spread your arms, as if to open your arms. This gesture has a symbolic meaning: “I am your patron. If you have any problems, then I will solve them. To get the attention of the audience, raise your hand up and hold it until silence reigns. This gesture means: “Quiet! I will speak". This is a very bright, eloquent gesture that can be used not only at the beginning of a speech, but also in the middle, if, for example, you feel that attention is scattered. Any gesture you use should be bright, big, noticeable. Small gestures for public speaking will look sparse, no one will see them. If, for example, you are going to use a listing gesture, then you should raise your hand to the level of your face, spread your fingers wide and bend them, making a big swing with your other hand.

Learn to use your voice data. There is an opinion that for a large audience you should always speak loudly. In fact, you should not always resort to a loud voice - this way you will quickly get tired. Just speak clearly and pause so that your words are understood. In exceptional cases, you can go to a whisper. The audience will think that you are saying something important, revealing some secret, and will listen.

Rule #39

How to attract attention in a group?

Getting the attention of a group is harder than getting the attention of a large audience. First, by attracting an audience, you attract a mass; by attracting attention in a group, you attract the attention of different individuals, each of whom has his own point of view.

In order to attract attention in a group, you must use special, chamber, gestures aimed at attracting the attention of a large audience. When communicating in a small group, do not yell or wave your arms to gain trust. We compared the behavior of a person who performs in public with the behavior of an actor: performing in a group is akin to an actor performing on a small stage close to real life.

If you are planning to say something important to the members of the group, the first thing you need to do is organize the group in such a way that everyone can hear and see you. If the group is scattered, consider having everyone gather in a circle or sit around a table. In this way you will be able to rally a certain unity around you.

When communicating with a large audience, of course, you will not be able to see all those gathered, but if you have a small group in front of you, then you should pay attention to each participant in turn. Look from one group member to another so that no one feels left out of your attention. Visual contact will help you feel each person, notice the reaction to your words. If you look from one person to another, the whole group will be under your control. In addition, each member of the group will feel that you are talking specifically for him.

WHAT CAN YOU KNOW ABOUT A PERSON WHO IS SILENT?

Rule #40

Character lies in the walk

Gait is the physiognomy of the body, according to Balzac. By walking a person, you can determine not only his gender and age, but also his mood, character, social affiliation. How to determine the meaning of gait?

Let's start with the simplest - with the gait of a confident person. If a person walks smoothly, straight, swiftly, the pace of his steps is fast, this indicates the confidence of the owner of such a gait. If a person shuffles his feet, his hands dangle out of time, his head is lowered, it seems that he is going to an execution or carrying a heavy burden, this indicates a disorder of feelings, deep depression. Perhaps a person is in a state of crisis or he will have an unpleasant meeting. Therefore, if you notice that a person is going to meet you, shuffling his feet, this may indicate his unwillingness to see you, he does this out of necessity.

A bouncing gait (a person seems to bounce on his legs) can have a double meaning. First. The direct meaning of such a walk is a happy, unclouded mood, joyful events take place in a person’s life, he is satisfied and cheerful, cheerful, set to positive. The second meaning is more hidden: a person deliberately tries to be cheerful and carefree, although in reality he is somewhat oppressed. Calculating imaginary joy is very easy, just pay attention to facial expressions and gestures.

If a person does not unbend his knees, walks on half-bent legs, this may be evidence of his venerable age and pain in the joints, but if the owner of such a gait is young, then this feature indicates that he is unsure of himself, closed, suspicious.

If a person strongly throws his legs to the sides, his hands can rest in his pockets, or prop up his sides, his posture resembles the letter "F". This is either a sign of excessive self-confidence or carelessness, lack of employment, constant idleness. He paces in this way, because he simply has nowhere to rush, he is not burdened with any duties.

A cautious person very often, when walking, first steps on his heels and rolls lightly on his toe, you will never see him leaning on his entire foot. He is cautious in everything, including his gait.

If a person knocks his feet very hard while walking, this means that he wants to attract as much attention as possible to those around him. He feels like a very important person, wanting to loudly announce his appearance.

Women's gait should be discussed separately. By the way a woman moves, one can determine her goal, her life orientation. If a woman walks slowly, taking small steps, smoothly shaking her hips, then she is currently set to search for a satellite, her goal is to attract surrounding men.

If a woman walks confidently, beating with her heels, her hips go from side to side very sharply, this indicates her mood for business communication. It's solid businesswoman, which is unlikely to easily abandon its principles.

A woman rolls over from one foot to another, which means she has not learned how to use the most important female tool - gait. Such a woman is accustomed to doing household chores. Her destiny is home, life, family. Perhaps she is a mother of many children.

If a woman minces her feet, walks rapidly, waving her arms strongly, practically not swinging her hips, this is a sign of emancipation. With her gait, she tries to resemble a man; she is not at all interested in the attention of the stronger sex.

Rule #41

Stoop is a sign of suspiciousness

In this chapter we will talk about the relationship: posture - a person's character, posture - a person's mood. It is widely believed that a straight posture is a sign of not only aristocracy, but also a sufficient degree of self-confidence, and vice versa, stoop is a sign of insecurity, reaching suspiciousness.

Good posture is developed over the years, it is not only a well-formed skeleton in childhood, but a sign of your self-confidence, in your abilities, that you will achieve your goal. Stoop indicates that he is human, notorious, unsure of himself; stooping, he tries to close himself from the world - this is a posture of protection.

Good posture is not only a reflection of character, but a momentary mood, a fleeting emotional outburst. You probably noticed that it is worth telling a person good news, as immediately his shoulders straighten, he straightens his back in order to appear before the world in all its glory. And we see a completely different picture if we tell a person unpleasant news: he immediately doubles over, trying in this way to hide from trouble.

If a person is used to standing and walking, slightly twisted, lowering one shoulder, raising the other, then this is a sign of inconstancy, perhaps he does not have clear principles, he is two-faced, prone to lies. He may be characterized by buffoonery, a desire to hide his true nature or emphasize his dissimilarity. The asymmetry of the body is evidence that your interlocutor is not a completely sincere person, he gets used to it. If a person sticks his chest forward, this may mean excessive narcissism, self-confidence and pride. The man flaunts his dignity. If the back half of the torso is set back, and the upper one tends forward, this indicates a person’s curiosity, his desire to find out everything very first.

Rule #42

Keep your personal area locked

Depending on the distance at which it is convenient for a person to communicate, he may have different intentions. If a person is used to communicating with you at a long distance, then this means that he is not very comfortable in your company, but if he gets too close, he may have bad intentions.

There are several areas of interaction between people. The far zone of interaction is a zone from 1 meter to 70 cm. The zone of close contact is 70–50 cm. Less than 50 cm of distance between people is intimate contact.

If a person feels comfortable enough at a far distance from you, is always no closer than 70 cm, and with any attempt to reduce this distance, he tries to move away or interrupt the conversation - he is not disposed to a confidential conversation with you. Most likely, he does not intend to enter into friendly relations with you. Maybe he just doesn't like talking to you.

If the person takes a position between 70 and 50 cm from you, know that this is the most comfortable interaction zone. It allows interlocutors to perceive each other well, without violating the personal zone. This indicates that your interlocutor knows the rules and norms of etiquette, in addition, he treats you well, he is quite comfortable with you. Although this person is not disposed towards you enough to invade your intimate space and let you into his, he prefers to keep at a safe distance, acceptable by the norm of decency.

If a person seeks to violate your personal zone, you should be wary - he may have bad intentions. Of course, if this person is your close friend or relative, then there is nothing reprehensible in his actions. We always greet those close to us by invading their personal space with a kiss or a hug.

But if a person is not familiar to you and immediately seeks to violate your personal zone, this is an alarm signal. Perhaps he wants to use your trust to manipulate you. In such cases, you should act immediately. If you notice that a person you don’t know very well is trying to reduce the distance between you by less than 50 cm in the process of communication, you must do everything to prevent this. Leave without explanation, or try to create some kind of barrier between you so that your obsessive interlocutor cannot get too close to you, for example, stand behind the fence, close the door, use the help of a third person, which can also become a symbolic barrier.

An important source of information about your interlocutor is another non-verbal signal - his position in space. This non-verbal signal indicates the intentions of the interlocutor. The most common position for two people during a conversation is facing each other. If your partner tries to change this position, tries to stand or sit on the side, this may indicate that the person wants to establish closer contact with you, become a closer person for you. But be careful if a person, changing position, tries to get away from your gaze. Your interlocutor can specifically sit down next to you so that you cannot control him, follow his involuntary reactions.

There is another meaning to the change in the position of your interlocutor. Suppose tension arose during a conversation, a conflict ripened, in order to avoid its development, your interlocutor may deliberately sit next to you in order to remove the visible opposition of the parties, which is expressed by the fact that you are, as it were, on opposite sides of the barricades - sit or stand opposite each other. Sitting down next to you or standing next to you, a person seeks to reduce the conflict to nothing. It is also a signal that he is willing to compromise.

Rule #43

Laughter helps you understand people

Laughter has many masks. A person laughs to relieve tension, to gain someone's trust, to please someone, not to be afraid. In order to understand such a variety, you need to know the features of each type of laughter. Let's figure out what human laughter means.

Laughter, like a smile, can be bright, open or restrained, closed. Each type has its own distinctive features. With open laughter, the teeth are bared, sometimes unclenched. If your interlocutor laughs in your presence in the manner described above, you can congratulate yourself, you are a very charming interlocutor, your partner is very comfortable in your company. He is located towards you, set up a trusting relationship.

If in your company a person laughs with closed laughter, without opening his lips, tries to restrain impulses of laughter, while the air flow is directed through the nose, the effect of nasal laughter occurs, which does not sound very pleasant, this is a sign that the person is uncomfortable in your society, he is not ready to open himself , expose your emotions. Perhaps you haven't gotten to know each other enough yet. Or maybe you just do not have the talent to win the trust of others.

If a person begins to restrain his laughter, he is not tuned in to contact with you. Perhaps this is a sign that your interlocutor is a closed person by nature, not used to trusting others with his emotions, does not want to show all his ins and outs.

If a person’s laughter resembles a giggle, this indicates that its owner is a secretive, possibly deceitful nature, he will never tell you the whole truth, even if there is no need to lie.

If a person constantly laughs, regardless of whether he is funny or not, trying to seem cheerful and cheeky, then perhaps laughter is a mask that helps him fight a bunch of complexes. Most likely, by nature, such a person is modest and timid. Laughter is a kind of defense. If a person laughs at everything, ironically, this is not necessarily a sign of a cheerful disposition, but only a desire to hide his shortcomings, anger, envy, negative emotions.

If a person laughs with a chesty, low laugh (the laugh of cartoon villains), this is a sign of superiority. Maybe the person doesn't have good intentions. Such laughter can even scare. But, most likely, your interlocutor wants to scare you with laughter, since he cannot do it differently. He is not dangerous for you.

If a person laughs out of place, often when it's not funny at all, this is a sign that you have a very emotional person in front of you, prone to nervousness. Perhaps your interlocutor is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, cats are scratching his soul, and in this way he is trying to relieve tension. With the owner of such a nervous, very sharp, similar to laughter, laughter, you need to be careful, if you make an unsuccessful joke or say something not very pleasant, he may not be able to stand it and break loose: an explosion of laughter may be replaced by hysterics.

Rule #44

What can you tell about a person by the way they smoke?

The way of smoking is a kind of language, an alphabet, by which an experienced cryptographer can calculate the smoker's mood, his thoughts, the decision made. Each gesture of a smoker is individual, but there are universal ways to express yourself in the manner of smoking.

By the direction in which the smoker releases smoke, we can conclude about his decision. If the jet of smoke is directed downward, then your interlocutor has made a negative decision, he intends to refuse you. If the jet goes up, then its resolution will be positive. If the smoke is directed to the side, then most likely your interlocutor is still between two fires, he has not made a final decision.

By the way a person holds a cigarette, one can determine his mood, intentions. The smoker holds a cigarette, while clenching his hand into a fist, which means he has Bad mood, he tries to hide his emotions from the interlocutor, does not intend to reveal his true thoughts, perhaps he is thinking of something. If the cigarette is between the outstretched middle and index fingers, this is a sign that your interlocutor is confident in everything, is set to contact, a conversation with him can be productive. If a woman holds a cigarette with her wrist turned towards the man, this may be a signal of flirting, so she flirts with the man.

A very important characteristic of a smoker is how quickly he smokes. If he smokes very quickly, while sharply drawing in cigarette smoke, this indicates that he is used to leading a very active lifestyle, does everything on the run, always in a hurry, in a hurry. He is always fast in action. If a person smokes slowly, this is a sign that he is used to living in a measured, unhurried rhythm. He always has a minute or two to stop before choosing and think. This person is a thinker: he thinks a lot, analyzes. The person is emotionally balanced, possibly related to creative profession, where one of the important processes is the thought process.

If a person smokes, while closing his eyes, then this indicates that the person is immersed in deep thought, concentrated on his thoughts. Better not to pester him with questions.

If a person releases smoke in the form of a thin jet, then this may be a sign of his determination, possibly temperament. He is used to making important decisions, he knows what a burden of responsibility is. If a person releases cigarette smoke smoothly, blows smoke "rings", he is prone to melancholy, thoughtfulness, and by nature is soft and less decisive.

Rule #45

Lack of taste in clothes - a desire to stand out or disrespect for others?

What does the neatness in the appearance of your interlocutor say? This may be a sign that he wants to compare favorably with other people, or testify to his good attitude to others, about the desire to be appreciated.

In some way, the appearance is a reflection of the mood of a person; in appearance, one can also determine what a person is like, how he treats himself. If a person in his years prefers an informal, teenage style of clothing, this is evidence that he has not matured as a person. Perhaps this is a way to protect yourself from the attacks of others, from their possible condemnation: "I'm still too young, so don't judge me for my mistakes." The desire to always remain a child, infantilism in clothing indicates that a person is not ready to take responsibility for his own actions.

If a person prefers to dress brightly and pretentiously, then this is evidence that he strives to be visible among the gray, monotonous mass of people, he wants to be appreciated for his efforts. Perhaps he seeks to take a leadership position. Such clothes can also serve as protection from others, since behind them a person can hide his true "I". This happens when the personal data, the character of a person does not meet his expectations, he puts on a mask, hides his natural timidity and modesty behind bright clothes. Sometimes this technique works, and a person who is timid and unsure of himself turns into a mature and very strong personality.

Sports style is the desire to look as easy and simple as possible with confidence and successful person. On the one hand, clothing gives confidence, and on the other hand, it requires a minimum of effort. Sportswear does not need special care, it is easy and comfortable for everyone. But if the sporty style prevails in your wardrobe, you may not get a very favorable impression of you, you will be perceived as a lazy person who wants to simplify everything to the limit.

The classic style of clothing is the most comfortable and suitable option for all occasions. It will definitely fit in any situation and will not annoy anyone. You do not want to appear better than you are in advance, you do not make allowances for your own insolvency, declaring with your appearance that you are not capable of doing difficult work. You will be taken seriously, they will pay attention not to how you are dressed, but to your personal qualities. You will interest others as a person, not as a mannequin wearing the latest haute couture.

If there is negligence in your clothes, it may be a tribute to fashion, an expression of your worldview, but first of all it is a sign of disrespect for others. If you do not pay enough attention to your appearance, then you are thereby trying to cross out all the foundations and rules that were invented before you. If, dressing casually, you expect to conquer everyone with your extravagance, shocking others in this way, then this is not always appropriate and correct in relation to others. Remember that shocking in clothes is acceptable when you are already known, you are a celebrity about whom a certain opinion has already been formed. Show business figures are allowed to do everything. Epatage is part of their duties, otherwise they will lose interest. If you do not belong to this category of people, then it is forbidden to come to a business meeting or a party where few people know you, dressing against the established rules. You risk spending the whole evening alone, frightening all potential interlocutors.

Excessive pedantry is also not recommended. If you are dressed too correctly, you will be wearing a formal suit, with buttons buttoned up to the top, this can also frighten others. This, by the way, indicates a lack of individuality. When choosing a classic style, try to bring your vision to a classic suit: to emphasize your individuality, you can use watches, glasses or other fashion accessories, high heels, then you will impress.

Rule #46

Rings, earrings, brooches - the best tips

Very often we do not pay attention to the jewelry that a person wears, by this we make a big mistake. The ability to choose the right jewelry for your outfit speaks not only of a sense of taste. Jewelry can tell a lot about its owner. The main thing is to be able to read the “tips” that a person is wearing.

A person, choosing jewelry, expresses his individuality. If the choice of clothes, style, color may indicate not so much about human preferences as following fashion, then the choice of jewelry is a very individual moment. A person always chooses what suits his character, personality.

It is known that everyone tends to wear jewelry with stones that suit him best. Each stone is unique in its properties and suits a person with a certain set of qualities. Here are just a few of the “stone-character” correspondences.

If you notice your interlocutor's addiction to pearl jewelry, this may indicate that he strives for purity, femininity, and innocence. It is also a stone of knowledge, it is possible that your interlocutor is a "hidden" intellectual. You have noticed that an emerald pendant is hanging on your companion’s chest, pay attention to it. This is a stone of fidelity. According to legend, it breaks up during adultery. This person, under any circumstances, remains true to his traditions and foundations. It is believed that the stone helps only a person with a clear conscience, hinders the greedy and hypocritical in the implementation of their plans. We noticed a brooch with a ruby ​​on the chest, this decoration cannot be evidence of virtue. Ruby brings strength to any person. Everyone who turns to him for help, as a rule, receives it. Nova should be careful, because if a person has bad intentions, this may mean that he will succeed. Aquamarine is a stone of lovers, if your interlocutor has jewelry with this stone, then most likely his heart is not free. A very good amulet is a diamond, if your partner has such a stone, then perhaps he is trying to defend himself from the attacks of others, he is afraid that he may be offended. If a person prefers a pomegranate, this indicates that he thinks about his health, this is a stone of health and well-being. Turquoise is a very active stone. It is believed that it is worn by very confident and winning people.

The abundance of jewelry indicates that your interlocutor wants to stand out, he has a bright personality or lack of it and tries to compensate for this gap with jewelry. If there are no jewelry at all, then this indicates that a person is deprived of individuality, does not know how to choose jewelry for himself, he is simply faceless.

Rule #47

The smell of perfume betrays a person's temperament

You probably noticed that each person chooses a scent according to his taste. The choice of perfume is an exclusively individual choice that can tell a lot about a person. If you have a good sense of smell, are able to distinguish one smell from another, then you can use our advice and determine the nature of a person by his perfume.

There is an opinion that a perfume is chosen in order to please others, to ennoble one's own smell, but it is impossible to please everyone, so a person, choosing a perfume, focuses on his own taste. You can't wear a scent that you don't like, even if most people prefer it. Therefore, the choice of smell - it is exclusively your individual choice.

If a person prefers fresh, but muted, calm aromas (aloe, sea breeze, fresh fruits - lemons or apples), this means that he is an introvert, closed from others, not ready for a trusting relationship with the first person he meets. Communicates with a stranger very wary, fearful. He never opens immediately. He is quite calm, unemotional. Such a choice suggests that a person is either melancholic or phlegmatic.

If a person loves a bright, sharp aroma, then this is a sign of high emotionality. A rich and bright aroma is chosen by people who want to be noticed, they try to prove themselves in everything, including a very strong, sometimes repulsive smell. Such a choice is typical for choleric people - people who are prone to sharp emotional swings, but at the same time quite freely making contact.

Rule #48

A man with glasses is a reason for reflection

If a person wears glasses, then this can tell a lot about his nature. The choice of glasses, manipulations with them are, as a rule, not random actions, but non-verbal signals that will tell a lot about a person if you learn how to decipher them.

If a person wears glasses with tinted glasses in the absence of wind or sun, then this may indicate the secrecy of his nature, his fear of others. He tries to hide his eyes because he feels uncomfortable talking to you.

Sometimes a person wears glasses instead of contact lenses in order to appear smarter, more solid. If a person believes that his appearance is not suitable enough to achieve his goals, or he is not sure of his intellectual or leadership qualities, he uses other means to gain the respect of others, including putting on glasses, creating an image of a respectable and successful person.

Glasses are also a way to demonstrate your attitude to those around you, to what the conversation is about, and with the help of glasses you can find out the intentions of the interlocutor. If a person continually takes off his glasses and wipes the glasses, this is a sign that he is playing for time. Perhaps he is trying to think over your proposal, to find arguments in order to convince you. If he took off his glasses and defiantly put them in a case or put them in a bag, then this indicates that he intends to leave in the near future, since he has already figured out everything for himself and it makes no sense to continue the conversation.

If a person takes off his glasses and nibbles on the darling of his glasses, this indicates that he is in a state of reflection, considering your proposal, perhaps at this moment he is not listening to you. If he plays with glasses, now and then shifting them from hand to hand, this is evidence that he feels uncomfortable, trying to find a topic for conversation. A person who is used to controlling others often uses glasses as a pointer and points them at objects or simply waves them around. If a person draws all kinds of circles or other figures with glasses, this is a signal that you are already pretty tired of him and it’s time to end the conversation.

If a person puts on glasses when meeting you, this is not a very tactful gesture, it can even be classified as bad gestures expressing disdain and disrespect. Thus, a person makes you understand that he is going to study you in detail, in detail. Such a gesture is acceptable only if the owner of the glasses is very old. It's also a sign of distrust: "I don't trust you, so I'll be watching you very carefully to catch you cheating."

Rule #49

7 colors of the rainbow - 7 types of people

According to some psychologists, the choice of color is closely related to the main character traits of a person. Indeed, colors reflect our inner world and affect our mood - they give energy and joy to life, or, conversely, they depress, irritate and cause depression.

Therefore, for our well-being it is very important what colors we surround ourselves with. Scientists and psychologists have created several theories about how color affects a person and how colors correspond to a certain type of person. And yet we are convinced that, due to the uniqueness of each of us, it is always much more objective to trust our intuition. Nevertheless, let's check how the scientific version matches your feelings.

If you notice your interlocutor’s addiction to burgundy and dark red, this indicates that you have a person who is quite self-confident in front of you, hidden passion and sexuality lurk in him. If your interlocutor prefers red, then he is ambitious, and clearly demonstrates this to others. He states directly and openly that he aspires to become a leader. Of course, clothes will not be able to help him in this if he does not have leadership qualities. If your companion is an ardent supporter of orange clothes, then most likely he is a man of action: he strives for victory not with tricks and tricks, but is ready for real actions in order to succeed.

If your interlocutor prefers clothes in yellow tones, then this is a sign of his intelligence. It also means that he leads an active lifestyle and a very outstanding personality. Green people are very cautious people, they belong to the category of contemplatives and thinkers, but not people of action. If your partner's favorite color is blue, this is a sign of creativity and sensitivity. There is a gap between a person who prefers blue shades and reality, he lives in a fantasy world. If the darker shades of blue are dark blue and purple, then this is a sign that your interlocutor is distinguished by independence and an extraordinary mind. Violet lovers have a very developed intuition.

Black, gray and white fall out of the rainbow spectrum of 7 colors, but we will also say a few words about the supporters of these colors. If black clothes appear in the wardrobe from time to time, then this may mean that a person is trying to control himself, he has a strong opinion and an established position. If the black color is predominant, this may indicate a person’s desire to hide from others, his desire to get away from people, his self-doubt. Gray is the color of hyper-responsible and correct people. If your interlocutor prefers white, this is a sign that you are facing a person who strives for justice. If there is too much white, this is a sign of one's own inferiority or a painful sense of superiority to others.

CONCLUSION

Mankind creates special synthetic languages ​​so that people of different nationalities can communicate with each other. In fact, you don’t have to invent anything, it’s enough to turn to the nature of our body: with the help of sign language, you can easily explain to a foreigner where Red Square is, simply pointing to its side, or ask a foreign-speaking person, which time is now. Sign language is a universal way of communication.

We live in a world of coded signals, undeciphered signs and symbols that we send to each other in the hope that at least someone will understand us correctly. But, as a rule, this does not happen, people cannot understand each other, primarily because they are too passionate about themselves, their thoughts, and do not pay attention to others. There is another reason for misunderstanding and inability to establish contact: people have not yet learned to read the language of non-verbal signals. Reading non-verbal symbols is a whole science that you need to learn all your life. After all, gestures, facial expressions, and posture are individual for each person. In this book, we tried to talk about the signals that scientists have managed to decipher, about those universal signs that we use to express our emotions, feelings, thoughts. And how much is left "behind the scenes"? Don't count. We could not, with all our desire, capture all the nuances and details of our non-verbal communication with you, not because we conducted poor-quality research, but because it is impossible to grasp the immensity. There are too many non-verbal cues to fit in one book. To do this, you need to compile an encyclopedia, a dictionary of non-verbal signals that will not yield to, and perhaps even surpass in number the most complete versions of explanatory dictionaries.

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Oksana Sergeeva
Sign language. How to read minds without words? 49 simple rules

Introduction

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance when talking, decorations - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we get most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, non-verbal information remains "behind the scenes" of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often fail to notice the obvious: we believe the formally spoken words of consent, while the person nods his head in the negative, trying to warn us - I do not agree. We do not pay attention to the fact that the person who greets us with a smile crossed his arms over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - "I am uncomfortable and uncomfortable."

The book is intended for those who want to learn how to read sign language, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who seek to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of human behavior, to determine the momentary mood interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body, using only those non-verbal signs that help create a positive image, set the interlocutor to positive, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally, not a traitor, you must learn the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer this book to you in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience gained after reading it.

Chapter 1
What do human gestures say?

Rule #1

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm thinking"

A person who is in thought is absent from reality, he does not hear and does not see what is happening around, because he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments in vain, he still will not perceive them, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that a person who is in thought has the most active area of ​​the brain, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: "Do not interfere - I think." For a person who is thoughtful, distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are characteristic: hands at the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch his head. Gestures of this kind have another purpose: in this way, a person tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “thinking apparatus” to solve a difficult problem. Hence all sorts of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a thoughtful person gives out a pose. Remember Auguste Rodin's The Thinker: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by such a pose, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. In order to be sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his look. For a person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies, the so-called "look into nowhere" is characteristic: absent, not focused.

By the posture of a thinking person, one can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thoughts (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Consequently, at the moment a person is occupied with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. A person's gaze in this case can be focused, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, then the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts are devoid of clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, blurry, directed to nowhere.

If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. One must either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.

Rule #2

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm interested" category

It is important to understand whether you are interesting to the interlocutor. Often, verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how much you are interested in the interlocutor. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean unwillingness to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.

An interested person, as a rule, is rather stingy with gestures. A person can be so focused on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise so as not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in the classroom or audience, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.

But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening strives with all his being to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener tends to be closer to him.

It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are mimic signs that indicate that a person is surprised, amazed, is in the most interested state.

If you did not manage to find any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of the conversation, increase the emotionality of the presentation, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring the results you need.

Rule #3

How to recognize gestures from the category "I respect you"

Respect is one of those aspects of human relationships that must be pursued throughout life. It can be difficult to determine whether a person's respect is true or false. Do they give you a hand with a desire to greet you or because of the established tradition?

There are not so many gestures denoting respect. In order to determine how they treat you, pay attention to how the person greets you. The handshake is a very ancient tradition, which used to have not only a ritual meaning - to greet a newcomer, but also meant that people came to meet each other without bad intentions, without weapons. Now this ritual has acquired other meanings. The person who treats you with respect offers his hand first or at the same time as you. He does not immediately try to remove his hand: a respectful handshake should be long. The arm should be extended, in no case bent at the elbow. Thus, the person should not give you inconvenience, should not make you reach out. On the contrary, he tries to create the most comfortable conditions for you.

The following can be considered a gesture of respect: a man gives a woman a hand at the exit from public transport. It can also be formal, just meaning that a person is familiar with the rules of good manners. If this is a gesture of true respect, then the person offering the hand should look at you and try to catch your hand.

Head tilt is a gesture of respect. Notice how the person tilts their head. A respectful bow can be accompanied by the lowering of the eyelids (it came from the ancient tradition of greeting royal persons - they are so majestic and powerful that people did not even dare to look at them, so they lowered their eyelids).

In some Western countries, hugging is a non-verbal way to show affection and respect for a person, even if these people are not in a close relationship. Hugs are allowed after the first meeting, if people have found soul mates in each other. This is, in fact, reducing the distance between people to a minimum. In other words, you let a stranger into your personal zone and invade his personal space. There is direct contact, which means: "I understood you, I accepted you, I treat you with respect." In our country, as a rule, hugs are only acceptable between close friends and relatives.

Rule #4

How to recognize gestures from the "I doubt" category

What gestures, postures and mimic signs indicate that a person has doubts about making a decision? How to determine that he is not ready to give an objective assessment of the events? You can easily figure out whether your interlocutor is set up to agree with you, to accept your point of view.

The state of doubt is a twofold state. It has its pros and cons. A person, on the one hand, has not yet refused you, has not made a final negative decision, he does not say “no” to you categorically. On the other hand, your argument is not convincing enough, the person has not yet agreed with your arguments.

For a person who has not made a decision, gestures and postures of reflection are characteristic, which indicate that he is still analyzing the situation and is full of attention. He may express disbelief. If a person doubts your arguments, he tries not to look you in the eye. His eyes may wander around the room, he may look out the window, try to ignore your arguments and independently consider the pros and cons of your proposal. An even more dangerous direction of gaze is towards the exit. This means that he is leaning towards the negative answer and intends to leave soon.

A doubting person is characterized by gestures of sorting, rubbing, scratching - repetitive, monotonous. These gestures have the following meanings: firstly, they are associated with mental activity (the person is considering your arguments), and secondly, they are intended to divert your attention, confuse you. A person in a state of doubt does not concentrate on you and your arguments, there is some nervousness and fussiness in his movements and gestures.

Here are a few examples of such gestures: rubbing or scratching the eyes, corners of the mouth, they mean that the person suspected you of lying, and there is a catch in your arguments.

Another gesture that clearly indicates that a person is in a state of doubt is a shrug of the shoulders. Often this is an unconscious gesture. For example, a person may agree with you or disagree, but at the same time he completely inadvertently shrugs his shoulders - this is a non-verbal signal that indicates his uncertainty about the decision. Such disharmony in verbal and nonverbal behavior says that you can change the situation. Even if your interlocutor has made a decision that is unfavorable to you, you can convince him. If he agreed with your arguments, but expresses uncertainty - shrugs his shoulders, this indicates that you must consolidate his confidence in the decision made. Otherwise, by talking to other people, he will change his mind.

Rule #5

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm alert" category

If a person feels threatened by you, afraid that you can attack him, do something not very pleasant for him, he immediately begins to carry out non-verbal defense. The threat situation may not affect his words at all, but he begins to behave differently. You just have to look at him, and then you will understand that he is afraid of you.

A person begins to use special gestures that mean the following: “Stop. Stop. I feel like there's a catch here." If a person crossed his arms over his chest, while pointing his fingertips in different directions, turned his outstretched arm and palm towards you, then this signals that you should stop. The outstretched hand has other meanings: first of all, this signal will not allow you to approach, invade his personal space, the person unconsciously puts a barrier between you, in addition, he tries to close your mouth in this way, feels a hidden threat in your words.

A wary person is characterized by a special look: he looks at you point-blank, follows your every gesture, movement with the sole purpose of not missing the moment when a “knife” appears in your hands. This "knife" can have a symbolic meaning: you can stab verbally, prick with a cruel joke, or deliver bad news. This is the moment your interlocutor expects from you. If several people are involved in a conversation, then the vigilant interlocutor very quickly looks from one to the other.

A person who feels threatened by you can prepare escape routes in advance - he always notices where the door is so that if his assumptions are confirmed and you threaten him, he can quickly find a way out.

How can such signals be neutralized? In order for a person to lose a sense of threat, you need to calm him down, establish contact with him. First, try to get as close to him as possible, despite his desire to move away. Use tactile influence - touch him, stroke him, you can take his hand in the forearm area. These movements should not be sharp, rough, otherwise he will regard them as the beginning of an attack on your part. Try to speak slowly and loudly enough so that the person can hear you, otherwise he will think that you want to hide something from him. If you are sitting at a table opposite each other, then you should move to him. If you manage to avoid a confrontation situation and remove the feeling of pressure, then your interlocutor will be able to relax, and your dialogue will be more constructive.

Rule #6

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm willing to compromise"

Finding a compromise is not an easy task in any situation, be it a family dispute, a business conversation or a scientific discussion. In such situations, it is important to see that your opponent is willing to compromise. A person may say that he will not back down from his words, but non-verbal signals may indicate the opposite - a person is ready to make concessions.

If you notice a discrepancy between the words of a person and his gestures, then this is a sign that you can get the solution you need from him. It is very important to see this dissonance between the word and the body and interpret it correctly. If your opponent says that he completely disagrees with you, considers your words absurd, but at this moment he himself nods his head up and down, this indicates that he is ready to accept your point of view and only fills his own worth, trying to achieve more profitable conditions for yourself. If you notice such a gesture, then you can not stand on ceremony with him, insist on your conditions, be sure that sooner or later your interlocutor will accept them.

The absence of gestures is also a gesture. If we do not find any negative gestures in a person, for example, crossed arms and legs, he feels quite comfortable communicating with you at close range, easily lets you into his personal space, this indicates that the person accepts your point of view. Chances are you've already done enough to win him over to your side. He will agree with you soon.

For a person who has already made a decision, a certain mimic and gestural calmness is characteristic. There are no distracting movements, gestures, the face expresses peace and harmony. Even if he insists on his own, resists your persuasion, most likely this is just a formality.

In a discussion, in a dispute, a person who is inclined to compromise behaves somewhat imposingly, he understands: a dispute is a dispute, but he has already decided everything for himself. He can very convincingly defend his point of view and be internally calm, but he understands that he will still need to come to some kind of solution that suits both parties.

In order to determine what your interlocutor is leaning towards, pay attention to the enumeration gestures used, which, as a rule, do not carry a special semantic load, but sometimes they can clarify something. If a person directs arguments in your direction, this means that he is leaning towards your position. If the transfer is directed in the opposite direction (he, as it were, collects everything around, rakes everything that lies badly), this indicates that the person is looking for benefits, he has a desire to get the maximum benefit from the negotiations.

Rule #7

How to recognize gestures from the category "I tend to trust relationships"

A person is not always set up for a trusting relationship. As a rule, he does not seek to let into his inner circle those people who cause him doubt or hostility. By non-verbal signals, you can easily understand whether a person is imbued with trust in you.

It is believed that if a person actively contacts you, it means that you have gained confidence in him and he will cooperate with you. But the talkativeness of your interlocutor does not always mean that you have won his sympathy. Sociable people easily communicate with any person, even if he is unsympathetic to them. Sometimes only non-verbal signals can determine the true attitude towards you.

The gestures of a person who is prone to trusting relationships are directed towards the interlocutor. Any non-verbal signal, be it a listing gesture, his posture, the toes of his shoes turned in your direction, he will direct in your direction. All these are signs that you have established contact with him, which may bear fruit in the future.

Pay attention to the distance between you. If your interlocutor keeps a distance of up to 70 cm, this means that he knows the rules of etiquette and is not trying to invade your personal space. On the other hand, if he doesn't let you into his space, he doesn't like you enough. If the distance is reduced to 50 cm or less, you can praise yourself for being so charming and attractive and approaching the person.

If already at the first meeting a person can easily touch you, pat you on the shoulder, straighten your tie or scarf, you can safely put yourself 5 points for your charm and charm.

The facial expressions of a person who has gained confidence in you are very complacent. A person who is in a trusting mood will often smile at you, moreover, openly laugh without restraining his emotions, since he likes you and has nothing to be embarrassed about in your company.

A person who has gained confidence in you can copy your gestures. Often this happens unconsciously and is done not to please you, but simply because you want to be a little like you. You can even set up some kind of experiment: use in communication with a new person some kind of constant gesture, for example, snapping a finger. If by the end of the conversation your interlocutor has adopted your habit, it means that you have successfully coped with the task of being liked and managed to make a good impression on the person.

Rule #8

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm defensive" category

Protective gestures are quite eloquent evidence that a person subconsciously or consciously feels fear of you or feels guilty. He is in a situation where he needs to defend himself from your attacks, all non-verbal signals will indicate that he wants to block your attempts to influence him.

One of the most common and striking ways to protect yourself is to cross your arms over your chest. This signal may indicate that the person does not want to make contact, that he is embarrassed, that he wants to protect himself from you. This category includes a cross-leg gesture - a person, as it were, loses the feeling of support under his feet. The characteristic posture of defense is a straight body, the body is somewhat tilted forward, the head is lowered, the forehead is directed at the interlocutor, the eyes are lowered. The person is trying to take a blow with his forehead, to defend himself from your words. This posture helps ward off negativity.

Being in a situation of potential attack, a person tries to close the most painful area. Men use the “football player in the wall” position - they cover the inguinal region, thereby protecting themselves from possible attacks. Sensitive people, who take everything to heart, try to cover the chest in the region of the heart, either by crossing their arms over their chest, or by covering the heart with the palm of their left hand.

People with different types of perception may have different methods of protection - visuals put on glasses, close their eyes with their hands, pretend that the sun is blinding their eyes, auditory people can pull a hat over their ears, straighten their long hair, if neither of these are present, they produce some manipulation of the ears by closing them. Kinesthetics, who perceive the world by sensations, try to maintain a distance so as not to touch the interlocutor, often hide their hands in their pockets, thereby showing that they do not want to perceive the information that you give. People who perceive the world by smell, can manipulate the nose using a handkerchief, they may suddenly have a runny nose - an involuntary defensive reaction.

A person defends himself from your attacks, creating visible and invisible barriers between you. This can be expressed in the form of building a wall, an obstacle. If you are sitting at a table and see that your interlocutor begins to build something like a heap of small objects lying nearby (pens, notepads), this means something similar to the "Great Wall of China" piled up in your relationship. In other words, your interlocutor is building a structure that will serve as protection from you. Another person can also act as a wall. Defensively, your interlocutor may deliberately introduce a third person into your conversation. The outsider is in a way a wall, because the defending person hopes that you will not attack him in the presence of a third person.

Rule #9

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm embarrassed" category

When a person feels awkward, ashamed of himself, his actions, he wants only one thing - not to be noticed, not touched, and best of all - to fall through the ground. Feelings of awkwardness are very easy to figure out by a whole range of non-verbal means by which your interlocutor can try to disguise it.

As soon as a person feels that he is ashamed, he will immediately try to divert your attention from his person so that you do not notice obvious signs of shame, for example, reddening of the face or increased heart rate. He wants to buy time to get back to normal, to hide the involuntary, uncontrollable reactions of his body. Your interlocutor may suddenly grab some object, stand up abruptly, change position, for example, try to put on a jacket that previously hung quietly on a chair. At the moment of feeling shame, a person breaks eye contact, lowers his eyes, his gaze freezes on some object. His gestures, movements become fussy.

Recall an episode from Chekhov's story "Chameleon". As soon as the police warden Ochumelov made another mistake and he felt ashamed of his words, he immediately tried to divert the attention of those around him, to confuse them, taking off and putting on his coat again.

If a person has an innate sense of shame, or if he has done something very wrong and is sure that he will not be forgiven, he has a need to dress as inconspicuously as possible. In fact, this is a rather gross error in the use of non-verbal signals. If you look invisible, this does not mean that you will not be noticed. On the contrary, you will be noticed, but ignored, considered unnecessary to talk to you, and you will be left with your sense of shame, which can develop into paranoia. Recall the episode from the novel Gone with the Wind: Scarlet, having seduced her friend's husband, at first did not want to go to her name day at all, but Ret Butler forced her to do it. And he asked to wear the brightest dress - purple-red. He figured that was how Scarlet would be able to feel the full bitterness of her guilt. But in fact, this dress saved her: it destroyed her fear of the society of Melanie and Ashley. Bright clothes help in self-realization, we understand that it is impossible not to notice us, we are so bright: how a person looks, this is how he feels. Getting out of awkward situations in bright outfits is much easier than dressed completely discreetly.

The feeling of awkwardness doubles as soon as a person realizes that others have noticed his awkwardness. Therefore, people look doubly embarrassed, whose awkwardness is betrayed, for example, by reddening of the face. They understand that they will not be able to hide their embarrassment, and they are even more lost. Yes, of course, it is very difficult to hide an involuntary reaction, but, knowing about your natural property to quickly fill with paint, you can always get out. Many at such moments desperately regret that they do not live in a magical world, and that they do not have an invisibility cap. The most successful way, according to psychologists, is to admit that you are embarrassed: “Oh, I’m so ashamed that I was late,” “I’m, of course, wildly sorry, but today I don’t have cash with me, could you pay for me in the cafeteria?" As soon as you admit it, your awkwardness will be removed as if by hand. As soon as you express your state verbally, internal tension and embarrassment immediately disappear.

Rule #10

How to recognize gestures from the category "I don't believe you"

Gestures of skepticism, distrust, disbelief in your sincerity can be very easily calculated: almost always these are gestures of negativity, protection. Even if a person agrees with you verbally, but his posture, facial expressions, gestures say otherwise, believe the non-verbal - it will reveal to you the true thoughts of a person.

The most common gestures denoting distrust are protective gestures - these are crossed arms, legs. The person says that he does not want to perceive the information that comes from you. A person can manipulate his ears - in a symbolic sense, he removes the noodles that you hang on him.

He can use forbidding and warning gestures, as if making it clear: "I realized that you are lying to me, I do not believe you." Your interlocutor may hint at their awareness by putting their hands to their mouths, as if to say: "Keep your mouth shut." This gesture has varieties: a person can scratch his lips, mouth, ears. Another gesture of disbelief is a negative shake of the head: even if he agrees with you, supports your point of view on a verbal level, he has something else on his mind.

Facial expressions also betray the skepticism of your interlocutor. Distrust is written on the face, the man hides his eyes. He can smile skeptically or simply smirk: one corner of his mouth is up, the other is down. Such a smile indicates that they do not believe you. What you say to him seems funny to him.

The fact that your deception is exposed, even if you are not going to be exposed, gives the person a sense of superiority over you. Non-verbally, this can be expressed in a particularly condescending attitude and unwillingness to invade your personal space - a person of a "lower caste" capable of lying.

Some people have a developed sense of perception of the world by smells, such people are very sensitive to lies. They can make it clear that they have seen through the deception, flaring their nostrils: "I smell: something is unclean here."

Once you have received these non-verbal signals and interpreted them correctly, you need to change your tactics: either start telling the truth, or change the argument, using stronger and more convincing arguments. Perhaps after that your position will be perceived as true.

Rule #11

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm scared" category

A person in a situation of fear, whether it is an upcoming parachute jump or a public speech, tries in every possible way to disguise his fear. He begins to be brave, to talk about his fearlessness, so it can be difficult to calculate fear by verbal signs. You will be able to determine the true state only if you can correctly decipher the non-verbal signals that he sends you.

When we are afraid, we are usually ashamed of our fear. If a person is afraid, he tries to be more careful, but at the same time tries to hide his feelings. That is why there is a standard non-verbal scheme for people who are afraid, which works in almost all cases without exception. People who are afraid try not to give themselves away, drown out their fear, cheer up, for this they use non-verbal signals.

Non-verbal signs of fear are a special category. They are united by the fact that a person in a situation of fear is not able to control his body, has no power over it. He may startle completely for no reason when he hears a loud voice, or jump if you quietly approach and pull him up from behind - this indicates that the person is tense and, perhaps, afraid of something.

A person tries in every possible way to suppress the feeling of fear in himself. For example, you are at an exam, and one of the students suddenly starts talking loudly unnecessarily, which means that he is experiencing a strong fear, trying to control himself and reduce his own fear.

A person in a frightened situation may suddenly start laughing. Recall an episode from the novel "Crime and Punishment" by F.M. Dostoevsky. Raskolnikov, meeting investigator Porfiry Petrovich for the first time, tries to provoke a comic effect by bursting into the office, laughing merrily, hoping to convince the investigator that he is going to the meeting without any fear. But Porfiry Petrovich, being an experienced psychologist, is well aware that his suspect only masks his condition with the help of ostentatious indifference and fearlessness.

A person, feeling fear, may begin to whistle, hum a melody or sing out loud. This is also a kind of attempt to relieve stress. When a person was just starting to explore space, every pilot understood that his flight was a kind of game with death. Before the flight, when every step of the cosmonaut was filmed on camera, in order to later show people - “Look how fearless Soviet cosmonauts are,” those who were to fly to relieve tension, reduce their fear, sang. Only close people understood how difficult it was for them to complete this building. They seemed brave and fearless, but by non-verbal signals, by the way their lips trembled, how dimly their eyes shone, those close to them guessed their true state.

Introduction

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance when talking, jewelry - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we get most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, non-verbal information remains "behind the scenes" of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often fail to notice the obvious: we believe the formally spoken words of consent, while the person nods his head in the negative, trying to warn us - I do not agree. We do not pay attention to the fact that the person who greets us with a smile crossed his arms over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - "I am uncomfortable and uncomfortable."

The book is intended for those who want to learn how to read sign language, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who seek to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of human behavior, to determine the momentary mood interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body, using only those non-verbal signs that help create a positive image, set the interlocutor to positive, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally, not a traitor, you must learn the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer this book to you in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience gained after reading it.

What do human gestures say?

Rule #1

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm thinking"

A person who is in thought is absent from reality, he does not hear and does not see what is happening around, because he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments in vain, he still will not perceive them, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that a person who is in thought has the most active area of ​​the brain, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: "Do not interfere - I think." For a person who is thoughtful, distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are characteristic: hands at the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch his head. Gestures of this kind have another purpose: in this way, a person tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “thinking apparatus” to solve a difficult problem. Hence all sorts of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a thoughtful person gives out a pose. Remember Auguste Rodin's The Thinker: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by such a pose, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. In order to be sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his look. For a person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies, the so-called "look into nowhere" is characteristic: absent, not focused.

By the posture of a thinking person, one can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thoughts (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Consequently, at the moment a person is occupied with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. A person's gaze in this case can be focused, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, then the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts are devoid of clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, blurry, directed to nowhere.

Oksana Sergeeva

Sign language. How to read minds without words? 49 simple rules

Introduction

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance when talking, jewelry - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we get most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, non-verbal information remains "behind the scenes" of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often fail to notice the obvious: we believe the formally spoken words of consent, while the person nods his head in the negative, trying to warn us - I do not agree. We do not pay attention to the fact that the person who greets us with a smile crossed his arms over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - "I am uncomfortable and uncomfortable."

The book is intended for those who want to learn how to read sign language, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who seek to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of human behavior, to determine the momentary mood interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body, using only those non-verbal signs that help create a positive image, set the interlocutor to positive, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally, not a traitor, you must learn the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer this book to you in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience gained after reading it.

Chapter 1

What do human gestures say?

Rule #1

How to recognize gestures from the category "I'm thinking"

A person who is in thought is absent from reality, he does not hear and does not see what is happening around, because he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments in vain, he still will not perceive them, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that a person who is in thought has the most active area of ​​the brain, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: "Do not interfere - I think." For a person who is thoughtful, distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are characteristic: hands at the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch his head. Gestures of this kind have another purpose: in this way, a person tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “thinking apparatus” to solve a difficult problem. Hence all sorts of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a thoughtful person gives out a pose. Remember Auguste Rodin's The Thinker: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by such a pose, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. In order to be sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his look. For a person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies, the so-called "look into nowhere" is characteristic: absent, not focused.

By the posture of a thinking person, one can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thoughts (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Consequently, at the moment a person is occupied with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. A person's gaze in this case can be focused, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, then the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts are devoid of clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, blurry, directed to nowhere.

If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. One must either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.

Rule #2

How to recognize gestures from the "I'm interested" category

It is important to understand whether you are interesting to the interlocutor. Often, verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how much you are interested in the interlocutor. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean unwillingness to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.

An interested person, as a rule, is rather stingy with gestures. A person can be so focused on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise so as not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in the classroom or audience, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.

But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening strives with all his being to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener tends to be closer to him.

It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are mimic signs that indicate that a person is surprised, amazed, is in the most interested state.

If you did not manage to find any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of the conversation, increase the emotionality of the presentation, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring the results you need.

Rule #3

How to recognize gestures from the category "I respect you"

A person conveys information not only with the help of words (verbally), but also with the help of gestures, facial expressions, posture, gaze, appearance, distance when talking, jewelry - that is, with the help of non-verbal signals. It has been proven that we get most of the information about a person (about 80%) from non-verbal sources, while words give us only 20% of all information. Very often, non-verbal information remains "behind the scenes" of our perception, because we do not know how to read and interpret it.

We often fail to notice the obvious: we believe the formally spoken words of consent, while the person nods his head in the negative, trying to warn us - I do not agree. We do not pay attention to the fact that the person who greets us with a smile crossed his arms over his chest - a sign of a defensive position - "I am uncomfortable and uncomfortable."

The book is intended for those who want to learn how to read sign language, facial expressions, postures, etc., for those who seek to learn more about their interlocutor than he tells about himself, for those who want to decipher the true motives of human behavior, to determine the momentary mood interlocutor. If you are learning to control your body, using only those non-verbal signs that help create a positive image, set the interlocutor to positive, then this book is for you. In order to make your body an ally, not a traitor, you must learn the alphabet of gestures well, imagine what each non-verbal signal means. We offer this book to you in order to further benefit from the most valuable experience gained after reading it.

Chapter 1. What do human gestures say?

Rule number 1 How to recognize gestures from the category "I thought"

A person who is in thought is absent from reality, he does not hear and does not see what is happening around, because he is in the world of his own thoughts and fantasies. It should be noted: when a person thinks or fantasizes, do not waste important arguments in vain, he still will not perceive them, will not hear them.

It must be remembered that a person who is in thought has the most active area of ​​the brain, so he tries to focus our attention on it, as if warning: "Do not interfere - I think." For a person who is thoughtful, distracted from the conversation, the following gestures are characteristic: hands at the forehead in various positions, a person can rub his temples, scratch his head. Gestures of this kind have another purpose: in this way, a person tries to increase the efficiency of the brain, adjusts his “thinking apparatus” to solve a difficult problem. Hence all sorts of stroking and scratching.

In addition to gestures, a thoughtful person gives out a pose. Remember Auguste Rodin's The Thinker: he sits with his cheek resting on his hand. If your interlocutor is characterized by such a pose, most likely he has been distracted from your conversation and is thinking about something of his own. In order to be sure of your assumptions, pay attention to his look. For a person who is far, far away - in his dreams and fantasies, the so-called "look into nowhere" is characteristic: absent, not focused.

By the posture of a thinking person, one can approximately determine what he is thinking about. If a person leans on his right hand or rubs his right temple, it means that the left hemisphere of the brain is involved in his thoughts (according to the law of cross-distribution of zones of influence of the brain), which is responsible for the logical, analytical abilities of a person. Consequently, at the moment a person is occupied with analysis, he is occupied with questions that require detailed calculations. A person's gaze in this case can be focused, focused on one point. If a person leans on his left hand, then the right hemisphere of the brain is involved, which is responsible for the sensual side of human nature. A person most likely philosophizes, fantasizes, his thoughts are devoid of clarity, concreteness and do not require analysis. The gaze is not focused on one point, but, on the contrary, blurry, directed to nowhere.

If you notice similar signs in your interlocutor, then it is possible that he is not listening to you, but is immersed in his own thoughts. To make sure that he perceives the information, you can ask him a question. If there is no answer, know that your interlocutor is in deep thought. One must either wait until he wakes up from his thoughts, or influence him: say something loudly or touch him.

Rule #2 How to Recognize Gestures in the "I'm Interested" Category

It is important to understand whether you are interesting to the interlocutor. Often, verbal signs of interest are imaginary, and only with the help of non-verbal communication can you understand how much you are interested in the interlocutor. Verbally, the interlocutor can show interest by asking questions, clarifying details, asking to repeat. But this, alas, is not a 100% indicator of interest. Questions can only mean unwillingness to offend you, formal politeness, but not interest.

An interested person, as a rule, is rather stingy with gestures. A person can be so focused on the interlocutor or interesting information that he tries not to make noise so as not to miss the thread of the conversation. It is not for nothing that in the classroom or audience, where schoolchildren or students are interested in what the teacher is talking about, there is perfect silence.

But there are other non-verbal ways to determine the interest of the interlocutor. A person who is interested in what is happening strives with all his being to get closer to the source of information. You can notice the tilt of the body towards the speaker: the listener tends to be closer to him.

It happens that a person is so carried away by what is happening that he simply ceases to control his body. He may forget to close his mouth or open his eyes wide - these are mimic signs that indicate that a person is surprised, amazed, is in the most interested state.

If you did not manage to find any of the listed “symptoms” of interest in your interlocutor, you should urgently change tactics - change the topic of the conversation, increase the emotionality of the presentation, otherwise your message will be insignificant for your interlocutor and will not bring the results you need.

Rule #3 How to Recognize Gestures in the “I Respect You” Category

Respect is one of those aspects of human relationships that must be pursued throughout life. It can be difficult to determine whether a person's respect is true or false. Do they give you a hand with a desire to greet you or because of the established tradition?

There are not so many gestures denoting respect. In order to determine how they treat you, pay attention to how the person greets you. The handshake is a very ancient tradition, which used to have not only a ritual meaning - to greet a newcomer, but also meant that people came to meet each other without bad intentions, without weapons. Now this ritual has acquired other meanings. The person who treats you with respect offers his hand first or at the same time as you. He does not immediately try to remove his hand: a respectful handshake should be long. The arm should be extended, in no case bent at the elbow. Thus, the person should not give you inconvenience, should not make you reach out. On the contrary, he tries to create the most comfortable conditions for you.

The following can be considered a gesture of respect: a man gives a woman a hand at the exit from public transport. It can also be formal, just meaning that a person is familiar with the rules of good manners. If this is a gesture of true respect, then the person offering the hand should look at you and try to catch your hand.

Head tilt is a gesture of respect. Notice how the person tilts their head. A respectful bow can be accompanied by the lowering of the eyelids (it came from the ancient tradition of greeting royal persons - they are so majestic and powerful that people did not even dare to look at them, so they lowered their eyelids).

In some Western countries, hugging is a non-verbal way to show affection and respect for a person, even if these people are not in a close relationship. Hugs are allowed after the first meeting, if people have found soul mates in each other. This is, in fact, reducing the distance between people to a minimum. In other words, you let a stranger into your personal zone and invade his personal space. There is direct contact, which means: "I understood you, I accepted you, I treat you with respect." In our country, as a rule, hugs are only acceptable between close friends and relatives.