Like every other person on the planet, I have good periods in my life, and sometimes the whole world is against me. And while I hate self-help advice (in the form of quotes under Instagram photos), I sometimes need to cheer myself up. In most cases, to get out of the swamp (and my brain has a penchant for science and mathematics), I need to detonate a logic bomb in front of my nose.
This will be a long article. If you find it in your inbox and you already think what the hell it is, then just delete it. If you are reading this post in a browser window and you see how the scrollbar is moving slowly, because there is still a long way to go, close the tab and return to the collections of chips and tips.
Are you still here? Nothing, all unnecessary will be eliminated using points 1, 4 and 8.
This guide works when all sorts of rubbish happens in life. Someone writes nasty things in the comments? Read this post. Someone demanding a refund for a product you've been working on for five years and still nagging? Read the article. Did you get fired, did a client leave you? Read this post. The zombie apocalypse? Well then stock up on food and weapons. And then read this post.
1. People get offended all the time.
We hold on to our beliefs. We love to talk about how broad our views are, while we ourselves find fault with other people over trifles. Creepy drivers (who speed up when the road widens to two lanes), seventeen-year-old yoga instructors (who talk about the meaning of life in the first 45 minutes of a one-hour session), Internet controversy writers (like me), people who swear or clogging social media feeds...
Take it for granted: whatever you do, someone may be unhappy with it. And will be.
This does not mean that you need to stop doing your own thing. Just don't be surprised when someone reports that .
2. If someone is offended by you, then he noticed you
Before you get discouraged because someone dumped a bunch of dirt, understand that this person took the time and spent it to tell you his opinion. He found you, noticed and appreciated the product you made. Well, yes, he hates you. But you took his time because he takes minutes to talk about his hatred.
Even if you do not answer anything (and you should not), you won. He doesn't want to know anything about you, but you're already on his radar. And then, if someone expresses dissatisfaction, this is the maximum that can happen. Life goes on, the Earth is still spinning, someone is offended, and you have become smarter.
A more tragic scenario: someone complains about you publicly. This is also not so scary, because people pay attention only to what concerns them personally. Therefore, public sensors and Twitter feeds will quickly forget about you.
We go crazy thinking that we will be hated. Especially when we do something for people and put it on the Internet. Better understand that while a few people scold you, the rest silently download your work. Or even buy, which is even cooler.
3. When they don't notice you, it's bad. But that's the way things are
If no one hates you, then no one cares about you. If you need attention for confidence, a sense of self-worth, or, scary to imagine, to make money from it, understand that you will not receive it instantly. The people you pay attention to were once in your place. They want others to start listening to them.
And one more thing: if no one is looking at you, you are truly free.
Dance in your underwear. Write on the table for yourself. Swear like you just got back from a swear word sale. Find yourself. Not in the ways that grown-up hippies do, eating pasta and meditating in the ashram, but in ways that help separate the important things from the unimportant. Do something just because you feel like it. Lay the foundation for the confidence that will soon come.
4. People will judge you no matter what you do. Because they love to judge
Fear makes you worry about what others think. The question of whether people will condemn you is not even worth it, because they will definitely. People love to pretend to be judges, and sentences are frightening.
The real story: I just got an invitation to an event, read it and immediately decided it sucks. I even said out loud, "Fucking hippies!" I was invited to a party to dance, eat organic local products, drink rosé wine, take pictures with people who wear dreadlocks, are into body art and hug all the time. Should others skip the party just because I won't go? No. Is the party going to be terrible because I don't have a high opinion of the hippie scene? Yes, they didn't give a damn about me. They are going to drink their wine (maybe from cups they carved from wood while talking to the fairies), dance all night and party hard.
So. You don't have to do like me. Do like those hippies. Not literally, of course (although who knows), but you understood me.
Look at things from this angle: if you do or don’t do something, someone will judge you anyway. Even if you are afraid and do nothing at all, you will receive a portion. And if there is no difference, maybe it's worth doing something? Thus, even if you criticize yourself, at least you will sleep peacefully at night (tired of wine and dancing - in a figurative sense). And all the rest who are trying to condemn you, you can politely send the forest.
We care about what others say. But it is dangerous to value someone else's opinion above your own.
As the importance decreases, the list should look like this:
- Your opinion about yourself.
- Someone's opinion about you.
There must be a huge distance between the first and second points.
5. Fortunately, condemnation and respect are different things.
Condemnation and respect are not the same thing. People may think you're an asshole, but appreciate you. People can absolutely disagree with you, but recognize your merits.
And vice versa. You may be considered a decent and pleasant person, but not a bit of respect. On pleasant people, it is customary to wipe your feet. Gross, but what can you do. On the other hand, no one will wipe their feet on a person who commands respect.
6. If you respect yourself, others will respect you.
In a world where everyone tries to offend and condemn you, it's damn hard to respect yourself. But necessary.
Figure out what you respect yourself for first, and others will soon start doing the same. This is because people behave like sheep in a herd. They see someone acting in a certain way and start repeating. Like millions of lemmings and hamsters. Derek Sievers told a TED talk about how a guy started dancing and everyone followed suit (or maybe he just drank rosé). And if you respect yourself - loudly and proudly - chances are that others will too. And if not, you will have a whole bag of self-respect, which is cool.
7. Self-esteem and self-confidence are very, very different concepts.
Self-respect means knowing exactly what you are ready to do and what you are not ready to do. This is your honor and dignity. This is the line that you draw to understand your place in life and appreciate what you have done.
Self-respect does not give you privileges and additional rights. Slow down, dude!
Self-confidence is when you think you are worthy of something. You deserve only self-respect and adequate assessment of others. To achieve the rest, you need to work hard. And even then, not everything goes the way you want. The card just didn't fit.
impudence is the most fast way lose respect. The world doesn't revolve around you. You don't deserve anything you haven't earned. You need to start small and grow, invest in development. You can’t just go and become famous or earn money on what you love to do. The world works in a different way, and I'm happy about that.
Ashton Kutcher was right when he said, “The way to a good life is to work hard, be smart, considerate and generous. The only thing that can be below your dignity is not to work.
Self-respect does not mean that you deserve something or that you are better than others. This does not mean that you can afford not to take risks (as we all do) and not be interested in what your actions will lead to.
8. The one who does not respect you, you do not need
So, you have downloaded your self-respect. And I realized that self-confidence is rubbish. And some people still don't want to respect you.
The best reaction to these people is this: as long as they do not interfere with you, do not care about them. They will not support your work and will not help you. Get rid of them as quickly and quietly as possible. Otherwise, they will hang on you like a dead weight and prevent you from moving towards victory.
As long as they don't hurt, ignore them. People who do not respect you should not even be allowed to come close to your life. It's not your audience, it's not your pack, it's not your clients. They are not needed at all.
9. You only need those who respect and appreciate you.
If you exclude trolls and assholes from life, there will be two categories of people in the world: those who know nothing about you and those who appreciate you. The first can be ignored until you need to win the attention of the audience. Then you have to tell them about your existence.
The second is your people. The most important to you on the planet. They don't just pay attention to you, they are interested. They should be treated like royalty. Work for them, be generous with them, and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.
10. Even shy people, introverts and “not like everyone else” can be confident
I am a weird little nerd who is afraid of everything, dislikes crowds and loves being alone. I'm definitely not a typical extrovert.
I'm confident, not because I'm selfish (okay, a little because of that), but because I try things, make mistakes, and learn. I've spent my whole life learning how to do a couple of things (and still working on it). You, too, can gain confidence in this way. For this you need to work and study.
You don't have to be loud to be sure. Sometimes the most confident person in the room can only say three things in an entire evening. But when he speaks, everyone else shuts up and listens.
To be sure, you do not need to tell everyone and everyone how much you know. Confident People aware of their knowledge, and they do not need to prove anything. They share experiences when appropriate or when asked. And they do it to help themselves.
A confident person is not someone who jumps around the stage, shouting platitudes and waving his arms. I bet 100500 million dollars that he just does not feel confident. A confident person can be quiet, reserved, and know when to slow down.
11. Don't worry like tomorrow is the end of the world.
And experiences are your daily reality.
If you spend your nerves on everything and everyone, you will soon be completely without them or, even worse, you will get into nervous debt. There will be no time left, you will waste it on trifles and insignificant people, circumstances will control your life and bury all undertakings in the ground.
If you pay attention to something unimportant too often, then this is a signal that something is not right with your life. You need to look for ideas and people who are worthy of your nerves.
Don't waste yourself on little things you can't control and on people who don't deserve it. For example, trolls. And a long line at the cashier is not worth a single nerve cell. Better meditate.
If you can hold onto your emotions and stock up, you will have something to respond to when you really need it. Take care of your nerves! Hold the negative until the moment when it really needs to be thrown out.
12. You can worry about important things.
When something or someone really matters, you can spend a few nerve cells and strong expressions. Hand out emotions when required, otherwise they will be worthless and you will turn into a cynic. There is only a very small group of people and ideas for which I am willing to risk. And I am ready to spend my experiences on them, because I made a reserve, like a squirrel for the winter.
13. Calmness and apathy are not the same
Apathy is the indifference you feel towards unimportant things. Calmness is the ability not to attach importance to things that do not deserve it. This needs to be thought about, and this needs to be understood.
Calmness is a character trait similar to. Apathy is the absence of feelings.
14. Greatness comes when you are okay with stupidity.
Nobody knows what to do.
Experts, thought leaders who seem to have everything in the world - there are too many opinions to consider in order to decide what will lead to success and what will not. And the whole difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that the first ones did god knows what and continued to do until one of them worked. And then they wrote a bestseller about how they achieved it, as if they knew what they were doing all this time. And they got even tougher. Such a cycle.
Doing something new and unknown is always scary. And no one can guarantee the result. You need to get up, pull yourself up and take a step. Sometimes it is possible to move forward. And sometimes the laces get tangled and you fall face down.
Most successful people don't be afraid to look stupid when they try to do something. They think about what will happen, and not about other people's thoughts about themselves.
I even discovered (to my wife's dismay) that I enjoy making a fool of myself in front of an audience. I'll tell you a little-known fact: "losers" enjoy life more because they know when to worry and when to sneeze at other people's opinions, and have fun drinking their rosé wine and dancing with themselves at concerts (or, like me, in the aisles between the rows in the supermarket).
15. We are all strange, abnormal, different
And you too. Take advantage of this. The only way to stand out is to be the weird, abnormal you. Otherwise, you will merge with the crowd.
Understand what makes you different, even if it's hard to do. All the people you admire and look up to do just that. They have all accepted their characteristics and use them as virtues.
No one has achieved fame and success simply by being the same as everyone else.
And those who seem normal are just pretending. Or maybe you just don't know them well. Everyone has their cockroaches. We are all weirdos. That's why life is so interesting.
16. Abandon the boundaries that other people have set.
If they tell you: "Don't do this, it won't work," understand that these words concern them, not you. People act with the best of intentions, but their advice is based on personal experience, their choices, and all sorts of bullshit.
Set your boundaries and only recognize them. Don't want to answer calls and emails from your boss after 11 p.m. and on Saturdays? Well, don't answer.
Boundaries are like self-respect. Most people would be happy if you stayed within the limits, because they made them up. Let them know that you don't like this state of affairs. From this you will become not an asshole, but a strong personality and a respected person.
Never let anyone set limits. Because these will be other people's settings, not yours, and you will have to follow someone's lead.
17. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are and who you are not
When you gain self-respect and create your own boundaries, you learn a lot about yourself, so you can define who you are. But be honest about this. First with myself, then with others.
It's a lot easier to be honest if you're playing the part you want. Being honest is easier and ultimately more interesting.
18. You can be honest without being rude.
Feel the difference between situations: clearly express your opinion about something or behave like a sheep. If you don't like someone or something, don't fight. Sometimes being honest means just shutting up and walking on by. You don't always have to win to become a great person. Sometimes you need to make others feel like winners. Sometimes it's better to be a nice person than to be right.
Honesty does not give you the right to wag your tongue with impunity, ending your speech with the words: “Yes, I just wanted to tell the truth!” No, you're just being rude. Do not do it this way.
Even other boors do not like boors. If you are rude, you will die alone, surrounded by 17 cats, who will have no one to feed.
To understand when you are honest and when you are just being rude, first think, and then speak. Otherwise, instead of words, you risk giving out a stream of abuse. If you notice such a flaw in yourself, take a five-second pause before starting a conversation. A pause works wonders.
19. The less you expect, the more successful you will become.
The Bhagavad Gita, a mega-wise and old Hindu book, says: "We are worthy of the work, not the fruits of it." Deep and true thought.
Don't start a business just because you want a reward. Start because you want to do it. It's like writing a book because you want to publish a bestseller. No one can guarantee you such a result. You have to write a book because you want to write. With this approach, regardless of the further development of events, you will already complete the task.
Focus on what you're doing as if the outcome doesn't matter.
All the points listed above are worthless without your attention. Attention to others, to your nerves and, most importantly, to yourself. You alone are responsible for your life, start managing it yourself.
Like this. Nineteen hard, invigorating tips to help you win. Now stop reading collections on the Internet and go to work.
The desire to prove something to others is a disease that a huge number of people suffer from. The more often a person tries to convince you that he does not pay attention to what “vile little people think”, the more he depends on the opinions of others who can make him almost jump off the second floor to prove to the world that he is a man. In general, this phrase "you're a man" makes people do all sorts of crap for the amusement of others. Why do you need to refuse to go on about "weak" and "you're a man"? It's simple: you lose your free will and start dancing to the tune of others. How to stop doing this and try to become a person? Read on Broadude.
1. People are already impressed when you do what you want.
Think about which is better in the long run: to be hated for being you, or to be loved for being who you are not. In fact, only relationships that work well in the long run are − best relationship, because they have a positive effect on us, without turning us into those who we really are not.
Do not pay attention to comparisons and haters - there are enough of them in every business. Haters for no particular reason - they terribly want to control someone else's life. The only person you should look up to is you. You need to break not other people's records, but your own. Don't listen to anyone, even when they tell you something like "you're already in good shape, stop rocking." It seems to you that you don’t look very good yet, so you have to keep going. I assure you, worthy people will note that you are acting of your own free will, this is perfectly visible and it is for this that you will be respected.
2. Nobody knows what's best for you
Not losing yourself is a good chance to be accepted by others. The ability to walk your path confidently and without waiting for instructions from someone else is worthy of respect. You must take all your steps yourself and think about it too. No one has a right to you, because the only person who can understand you, according to the English proverb, has to walk several miles in your shoes, and no one wants to do that, believe me.
Let others be like you. Speak the truth, even if your voice is trembling. Be true to yourself and yours own rules, and then you will quickly realize that the world around is not such a shit, just before you could not find your place in it.
3. You are the only person who can completely change your life.
Most of the people around you can influence (sometimes very strongly) on your life, but none of them will ever change your nature, at most - the tip of the iceberg that has appeared above the water. What is buried under cold waters is much deeper and more interesting, only you can influence it! To change ourselves, to do what we want is our lot. Not a single person, no matter how sincerely he loves us, will ever know what is going on in your soul. Even if this person has completely dissolved into us and lives only our life (and this is generally an extremely negative part of the character).
If someone thinks you can't achieve something, do you seriously think it makes sense to stop there? Just do it, man, and don't look back at others.
4. What society thinks about your wealth doesn't really mean anything.
Unless, of course, this society condemns you to be burned at the stake, then their opinion means a lot! Each person at least once found himself between his desires and what the environment wants from him. If you have not made it your goal to live according to other people's ideas, know that to follow their lead means to lose yourself. Erich Fromm, in his book "Escape from Freedom", which I strongly advise you to read, wrote about the life of a doctor who assured everyone around that he was madly in love with his work. In the end, as a result of conversations with a psychoanalyst, he understands that in fact the reason for his anxieties and neuroses is that he chose this profession at the age of 17, when his father gently forced him into it. The dude wanted to be an architect, architecture was his passion, but his father gently, with some irony, convinced him that architecture is just a stupid pink childhood dream, but if he really wants to prove that he is a grown man who wants to do business, he I should have gone into medicine. The dude chose a lucrative career as a doctor instead of an uncertain future in architecture. Most people always evaluate other people according to the criteria: what he has and what he does not have. There is a car, an apartment and a woman - a real dude. There is no car, but there is a bicycle - a loser. And it’s really difficult for such people to explain that you never aspired to make money on a rusty trough. They don't understand this.
5. Life is not a race
Life is a marathon in which there are no and cannot be winners. Why? And who are the judges? Happiness, progress, and life satisfaction are not the end result, but a constant uphill climb. So just enjoy the climbs and look around in search of beauty. Stop trying to prove to everyone that you are cooler than your brother, classmates and childhood friend. In fact, nobody needs it. But if you are sincerely satisfied with your life and diligently cultivate yourself in all areas of life, honor and praise to you, man! It is obvious! If you are constantly trying to prove something to someone, you lose touch with the real world and the opportunity to do what you like. As Eric Cartman says, "Fuck you, I'm home!"
6. Be okay with people remembering your failures.
If people constantly remind you of your previous mistakes, doesn't that mean they are? Do they really have nothing else to do? It is obvious that they are extremely insignificant, that they remember all your steps in order to use them against you.
Failures and failures that haunt us all our lives. If you treat them with caution, if after each failure you wring your hands and lament “For what?”, Listen to ill-wishers who say: “I told you so”, you will never achieve anything. You will be trampled by public opinion and will dutifully run to do what the public has prepared for you. Now they will dictate to you where you belong and what you should do.
Take failures only as life lessons, as invaluable experience. This truly Buddhist approach to life will save you some senseless suffering.
All motivation is gone: everything seems meaningless. How to make something meaningful or believe in something?
No one will give meaning to your life for you! This is your responsibility! What you draw - this will be. You won't draw any - there won't be any!!! Meaning is your job, don't demand it from Existence. Existence has no meaning, it is concerned only with its holiday and its happiness.
What to do if there are no desires and motivation to live, if the world of the inhabitants is not interesting to you, and their aspirations and goals do not suit you, and you do not have a "favorite business"? How to continue to live in society?
Make your beliefs more flexible. Finally grow up and do it. Nobody will do it for you. Favorite business is what you yourself will fall in love with, YOURSELF! You are the source! And not to play these games: "Oh, my motivation is gone, I'm so fragile - the wind will blow away." “All around is the world of evil inhabitants - and I, I’m so special!” “Oh, I don’t have a favorite thing to do, so much is needed for this, but I don’t have anything, poor me, poor, I would somehow endure myself, not that it’s a matter.” We need to find strength and get out of this dohlyak, doing, not thinking. You said you didn't try to do something? Or are only vulnerable philosophers with a hypersensitive nature gathered here, stuck on childish infantilism? I have a good recommendation: refer to professional psychologist! If he himself is not as dead as you are. In any case, the world will take care of you, it will press hard on you, beat you until you take your head and start doing, enduring and growing up. Society, you see, does not suit you, but what have you done for society?
How to get out of the state when everything is lazy and you don’t want to do anything? I don’t want anything, and the thought of any action causes melancholy and seems meaningless. What to do, how to keep/create motivation for action?
Depends on the specific situation. A situation on the verge of clinical always requires detailed professional assessment psychotherapist.
Do, not think. Think we are all artists! But to create something - zero will, a dead character, passivity in relation to goals. Such people have nothing to do in the modern world, running to a psychologist - and five years of self-satisfaction in soul-searching along with him. How much can you love yourself so desperately? Well, what are you like to love yourself like that?
What is a motive, where does it come from, and can you create it yourself? How are motives related, if related, to a person's age?
The mechanical man is associated with age. Some motives are created by the person himself, others are created by his karma.
If a person owns the time line, he himself creates both himself in the future time and any motivation, increasing positive karma there. You need a goal in the future, a powerful goal, to reverse the influence of karma, which is always on the timeline in the past. The present is the point of change. Decide for yourself now and as specifically as possible: what strong dream, goal or business you want to see in your future, what you will do for this, and all the negative karma of the past will disappear with time.
How to overcome infantilism? What specifically hinders totality in self-development? What is superficiality - in the absence of strong motivation? How to realize and understand, for example, that you are engaged in self-deception and do not really want to change anything?
Blah blah blah. Inward mumbling has never yet overcome anything. What I see here is boundless self-love and an unwillingness to get off your ass and do something with your life. Do it, don't think about it!
/ R.I. Popov 100 questions.
At the beginning of the year, many are overwhelmed with optimism and energy, you do not have time to write down all new plans and ideas, you want to move mountains and start right now, when there is so much time ahead, you can change everything and everything will definitely turn out better than last year.
But what if you don't have it all right? Other people's lists of results can drive you into depression, because there will always be someone who managed more, and most importantly, managed what you wanted, but could not. There are always those who are higher, faster, stronger. Someone opened a business, someone gave birth to children, someone became interested in sports, someone traveled half the world. From the Instagram feed, the tanned faces of friends who are wintering in Bali look at you, and for some, even the snow sparkles in the sun is very enticing. And you have slush and rain outside your window, and at the end of the year - a short trip to the village to your grandmother and hundreds of hours of hard work, a couple of new extra pounds and minus a couple of close people. And at this moment, you feel your own worthlessness and inability to build a truly fulfilling, deeply satisfying life.
Comparing yourself to others is the most popular sport in the world. This topic pops up regularly on my blog (it worries all of us very much). For example, our thoughts and emotions in connection with them are dangerous. But - which is much less valuable than our own real personality.
We all have learned by heart the truth that people on the Internet, as well as in real life, show us only the cover, and we can only guess what is really happening, at what cost a beautiful picture is given, whose help and what sacrifices are behind all the achievements of others. But, no matter how much we read about the fact that we are all different, that everyone has their own characteristics and circumstances, that you need to compare yourself only with yourself, this principle is not always so easy to apply.
And other people, other lives, no, no, and they will hook us with their perfection, their ideal suitability for us, their beauty and inaccessibility. And now it has happened. Hello, winter depression at its finest. But deep down you know that this is nonsense, right? Let's deal with it until you really believe that someone else's life suits you better!
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TURN ON THE LOGIC
Every dream is a picture. A certain image in which everything is fine, but often there are not enough details. Take a trip to Morocco, for example - it's warm, sunny, exotic, beautiful views, incredible decor, patterns, old palaces. And it’s also dirt, which for some reason few people talk about on Instagram, beggars, smells, bad roads, sometimes condemning looks and whispers behind your back. And also, of course, these are expenses for which, perhaps, I had to give up something or work even more, this organizational issues, which not everyone enjoys, it is difficult communication for those who do not speak at least French, this is a cuisine that not everyone loves.
But my “ideal” life on the ocean is not only about long walks, air and beautiful landscapes. This is also about tourists who walk almost naked through the streets for 4 months a year, litter and make noise, and about the infrastructure that is dying out during the rest of the year. About disgusting food, about exhausting winter dampness, about the inability to get most goods and services at the usual Moscow level, or even get them at all. About the language barrier, about the lack of museums, theaters and concert halls and cozy establishments, about the difficulty in creating a social circle that would be as warm as the one that remained in Moscow. About the inability to find associates and colleagues with whom one could develop and create joint projects. And the "rest of Europe" is far and expensive, and friends almost never come to visit.
I can also use my example, which is closer to the body, to tell about the delights of remote work and own business. There are a lot of them, trust me. And I’m especially pleased to tell you about this at two in the morning (and I also need to write out a few TORs for remote workers, because it’s impossible to hold a meeting, and also in the shower and cook dinner for tomorrow). ? It's simple, you just need to sleep 5 hours a day, and then you will definitely have time for everything and even take a walk to the ocean :)
I think you already understand what I mean. I mean that each beautiful picture There is a price and there is a downside. Any ideal option that seems better to you than yours is still not ideal, everyone pays a price in their life for their choice, even those who, as if, got everything on a silver platter. Do you really not know a single deeply traumatized child of rich parents and a single unfortunate wife in a golden cage, for example? People with an ideal life and a healthy psyche are museum specimens.
When dreams collide with reality, the magic dissipates and any dream scenario becomes just another possible scenario that might actually be perfect for you, but it's hardly easy or effortless.
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COUNT
Now you have read other people's results and decided that absolutely everyone has more time than you, do much more interesting things and live much richer. Maybe so, but let's check.
We forget a lot and take a lot for granted. So honestly describe everything that you have done this year in at least three dimensions - your responsibilities, movement towards your goals, and your own pleasure.
I'm sure this list will be impressive! Because it's a whole year, 365 days and God knows how many hours, it can't be otherwise.
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REVIEW
Now let's analyze. And we will start with the part of the list that is about goals. Already in the process of creating this list, you probably thought about what goals you were moving towards. If you haven't tried to formalize these goals so far, I think now is the time.
If you have no idea what is important to you and where you want to be, it will be very difficult for you to get there, and you will put all your efforts in absolutely random order, hoping that magically the result will make you happy. Such an enraged navigator can take you anywhere.
And those goals that you have set for yourself are a subject for constant reassessment. Are these really your goals? Did you come up with them yourself, or did others impose them on you? Were you brave enough to set such goals? Have you restrained yourself according to your potential (which does not seem to you sufficient for what you really want).
Perhaps you really want what others have, but you set goals for yourself more modestly, because you consider this your ceiling. Or even decide to move at the direction of other people. So what result should be expected in this case?
Goals are your own business, and they should fire you up. And your "ceiling" can surprise you, believe me! Therefore, keep only those goals that give you energy, and then check your actions against one simple criterion: how it brings you closer to your goals. And next year, your own results will please you much more.
When it comes to responsibilities, everyone has them. But some of us voluntarily take on things that we don't have to take on. We do something for others, deciding that it is important for them, and they do not even notice the difference. We allow adult independent people to sit on their necks. We are afraid to delegate, believing that our time is cheaper than the time of other people, and our skills are unrivaled.
Routine is important, routine sets the outline of our life. But the routine almost never forms movement and qualitative changes. And if we put most of our efforts in the sphere of our duties, then it is not surprising that we mark time and envy someone else's life.
And, of course, fun - I hope this list also has something to profit from! If not, then the following points are written just for you.
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RELAX
Sometimes all ingenious is simple. A tired person sees everything in black, is not able to celebrate his victories, he is simply physically ill, he does not have enough strength to enjoy life - after all, this also requires energy! And sometimes even the longest vacation is not enough to get back in shape. Because rest is also an art. And choosing the right rest for the right type of fatigue is a doubly art.
It is important to study yourself and remember how certain activities affect your condition. Sooner or later, you will have a file of the right vacationers for all occasions. In the meantime, try to listen to yourself right now and listen to your inner desires and needs.
And if you want to lie like a log - perhaps this is also worth doing, the main thing is not to get carried away. But if you want to go somewhere and do something, but instead you habitually lie like a log, do what you want. Mobilize! As an experiment, or at least for my sake.
A fulfilling life begins with self-care, and physical comfort is the number one step along the way.
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RIGHT NOW, DO SOMETHING OF THE “COOL” LIVES OF OTHERS
This item is very similar to the first one. This is a wonderful and, most importantly, practical exercise in debunking myths.
I thought that I wanted to travel more and be able to leave for a long time. In practice, it turned out that it is hard for me to leave the house and that I miss my life and work, and best of all I am shaken up and inspired by short trips, and not necessarily far. And the passion for long trips before was also not what it seemed, rather, it was an escape from a life that was not satisfying in itself.
It also seemed to me that sitting on a manicure is very boring and an unbearable waste of time. Now these are my personal 30 minutes in which I can legally do nothing, not read anything useful, not talk to anyone (if the master is lucky) and not even think about anything - and this is really a luxury.
Not all theories are easy to test, but dreaming about someone else's life without having any idea about it is a very dangerous occupation. However, how to deny it without trying!
Once, allowing myself to be carried away on a wave of envy for someone else's life, I conducted a simple experiment. Lived for one day the life of a super-organized, efficient and energetic girl with the perfect balance of fun and work and the very right hobbies. Strictly according to the list, step by step. Then another. And further. To do this, you really don’t have to be her, for three days you can hold out solely on enthusiasm and curiosity.
And what I realized is that I'm not ready to be her yet. Or maybe I don't want to. And that I feel uncomfortable in this “ideal” life, but in my own I am much happier. And this is not about a painful exit from the comfort zone, it's about the fact that any ideal is a spherical horse in a vacuum, and we come to our personal recipe for an ideal life through trials, mistakes, awareness and respect for our true needs. Maybe your experiment will show the opposite, and a new sensation will become a real incentive to change something.
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NOW DO WHAT YOU WANT
Do you know the joke about the native who was sitting under the palm tree? It sounds something like this:
The Negro lies under a palm tree in his homeland and is thrilled. A businessman from Europe walks past:
- Here you are, Negro, lie down, idle, but you could climb onto the palm tree, pick up bananas. Go to the market and sell.
- What for?
- Nu as, why!? With the money from the sold one, you can buy a cart and take a lot more to the market!
- What for?..
- Yes, you can already buy a truck from the sold one and carry really large volumes, then you will hire workers, and you yourself will lie and do nothing!
- And I, in principle, and so I lie and do nothing!
We often think in terms of stereotypes. The businessman believed that it was possible to lie down in pleasure only when there was a quiet rustle somewhere successful business. And in a way he is right. But after all, you can lie down for 30 minutes in pleasure now!
Sometimes it seems to us that we can only eat ice cream on a bench in the park in Prada, and if our Bentley is parked around the corner, and you can only enjoy a beautiful sunset in Thailand, and it is very important that we drink mango smoothies and walk for the last month for a massage.
But, no matter how much we like good things and distant lands, the key moments in these stories may not be about Prada and Thailand at all, but about ice cream and sunset, or more precisely, about enjoying the moment, taste, the beauty of nature, serenity, a pause in the usual fast pace of life.
It all depends on the ability to see the essence of things. What is important for you in an idealized picture of a foreign world - the scenery or the emotions that it is filled with? You can get pleasure and emotions from what is available to you now, what is happening now. Therefore, do not wait for the perfect moment, but just do what will give you the desired emotions, and this is definitely not the only one, expensive and inaccessible option. Many paths lead to the same place!
Please remember why you want everything you want, and remember that pleasure is not a carrot in front of a donkey's nose, it is an important fuel on the way to larger goals, which may take a little longer to reach. And happiness is a way of life, a way of looking at the world, and not a consequence of external circumstances.
Love yourself, your features, your achievements and your life! Be honest with yourself, but don't be hard on yourself. Change what you don't like, appreciate what you have, be conscious of your goals and find time for things that bring you closer to them.
The experience of others is a powerful inspiration. He is able to push us to new ideas, teach us a lot and save a lot of time, he changes someone completely, someone helps to believe that everything is possible. But real happiness can only be given to you by your own, unique and tailor-made life.
Unfortunately, life circumstances do not always turn out the way a person wants. This can lead to depression or stress. It is better not to allow such a state and try to bring yourself to a positive attitude.
What to do?
What to do when life is bad? Not every person can easily overcome life's difficulties and solve any problem situations. Some people need practical guide explaining what to do when everything in life is bad. Sometimes a person waits out such periods when it seems to him that everyone is opposed to him. In these situations, it is important to remember that people's thoughts have such a property as implementation into reality. Therefore, when a person thinks that everything is bad with him, it actually happens. Even the weather can be inclement during these life periods. Troubles haunt a person everywhere: at home, at work and even on vacation.
In order to exit given state, you need to pause and reflect on whether everything is really so bad. Ideally, you need to look at yourself from the outside. It should also be remembered that, therefore, you can pay attention to the life difficulties of other people. Then, perhaps, their problems will not seem so significant and large-scale.
How to fight and what to do when everything in life is bad? First you need to understand what life situation provoked a bad mood and depressive mood. As a rule, all the incidents that lead to a breakdown have long been known. These include: personal experiences with the opposite sex, material difficulties, conflicts at work. Of course, this list is incomplete. For example, depression can begin because of the death of a loved one. But here we do not touch on such a serious problem, but on the simpler experiences of people.
What to do when everything is bad? Secrets of success in personal life and career
So, now let's talk about personal experiences associated with the opposite sex. Both men and women can experience the end of a relationship. In this case, you should treat this problem philosophically and think about what would be better: to continue the conflict relationship and be in an uncomfortable state for yourself, or to let go of the person and try to improve your personal life on your own. You also need to know that life is tuned according to the principle of a pendulum, that is, you need to remember that if a person is now experiencing a crisis, then after a short period of time the Universe will give him positive moments, from which he will be joyful and light in his soul. Often there are cases when a problematic situation turns into a good denouement. At this point, it is worth thinking about the fact that if it were not there, then the further favorable development of events would not have happened.
Financial hardship is also one of the most common sources bad mood in people. Especially because of this, men are worried. They think they are unable to provide for their families. The wife can also "add fuel to the fire." Instead of supporting the spouse, he begins to demand money from the husband for the family, children and household expenses. Women should not be blamed for this situation, since by their very nature they want children not to need anything, to be beautifully dressed, shod, visit good schools and sections. Men need to calm down and think about the possibility of changing the scope of their professional skills. Or change to make new acquaintances and so on.
Professional environment
How to behave if a black streak has come in life? What to do when things are bad professional field? If speak about conflict situations that occur at work, then here you should adhere to this rule: you should not take them to heart. Everything that happens in the work team should be left there. We need to look for ways to resolve, and not delve into the conflict and the situation itself. You should not strive to please everyone in the work team.
People come there to make money. Therefore, communication with colleagues should be built in a business-like manner. Of course, there are friendly teams that move to a closer level of communication. Still, it would be better if relations with employees remain neutral.
Reflect on what's happening
What to do when life is bad? Now let's give practical advice. First of all, you should decompose your feelings, that is, figure out what is the cause of the depressive state, and what to do if everything is bad. Next, you need to think about whether there is a possibility of resolving this situation. If yes, then you need to take action in order to solve this problem. If there is no opportunity to turn the situation in your direction, then it is better to refuse to solve it and let it go.
For example, when a person has a personal conflict with some employee in a team, the option of dismissal and job change should be considered. You should not think that, having retired from one big company, it will not be possible to get a job in another. It is better to think about what is more profitable proposition for the implementation of professional skills. And then you will not need to think about what to do when everything in life is bad.
positive thinking
You need to learn, that is, look at all life's troubles through the prism of a smile and Have a good mood. You need to be able to turn any problem in your favor and extract positive aspects from it.
For example, if a person has financial difficulties, and for his life, it is worth considering that perhaps he should change his field of activity and do something else. There is a possibility that he is not in his niche, and the current work does not bring him moral or material satisfaction.
Forget bad habits
Do not get addicted to bad habits. Common is such behavior of people as the abuse of alcohol and tobacco during the period of experiencing any difficulties. Should not be doing that! Since bad habits will not solve those tasks that require attention. In addition, they will take from a person vitality and health. Time will also be lost, which would be better spent on solving the necessary tasks.
Sport
Sport is an excellent support for getting out of depression. Firstly, physical exercises contribute to the improvement of blood circulation in the human body. And this is directly related to the stimulation of the brain. Secondly, the load on the body allows you to escape from the accumulated experiences. People can sensibly look at and assess the situation in which they find themselves. In addition, an excellent physical shape will allow you to feel confident and free in any situation.
Good deeds
Good deeds also help to get rid of a depressive or stressful condition. There are currently many charitable foundations and volunteer organizations who provide assistance to people in need. Joining such movements is quite simple.
They will welcome any help that is offered to them. As mentioned above, everything is known in comparison. When a person sees with his own eyes what life situations other people are in, then their problems will seem ridiculous and insignificant to him.
Burn the bad
Force yourself to get rid of negative thoughts. Don't constantly think about how bad everything is. In order to tune in to a positive perception, you can write on a piece of paper what brings you dissatisfaction, and then burn this piece of paper. You also need to learn not to cling to bad thoughts. But it also makes no sense to push them away from you, since in this case they are also emphasized. You just need to ignore the negative, skip it past. But if it comes to mind positive thought, from which a smile appears, then you can twist it in your imagination, imagine yourself in different situations that bring satisfaction, give harmony and delight.
Contact a professional
What to do if everything is bad? The recommendations of a psychologist should help in solving this problem. If you can not cope with the problem on your own, then you should consider the possibility of seeking help from professionals. Psychologists, priests, confessors, as well as friends and relatives can help. You should choose the one from the conversation with whom it will become better at heart. It is necessary to believe that if you share your experiences with other people, they will decrease. Maybe someone can help good advice or action.
Positive thoughts will help you get out of a difficult situation faster, so force yourself to think that everything will be fine tomorrow. Then there will be no question of what to do if everything in life is bad. There is a practice that comes down to the fact that you need to learn to think about the good as if it had already happened to you. You can practice on simple desires, which are not difficult to fulfill, and then move on to more complex tasks. The first time will take more time to implement the plan. But in the future, the application of such a practice will give positive results in a shorter time.
act
What if everything in life is bad? The action will lead to a quick resolution of the problem. You should not wait for the weather by the sea and think that everything will be resolved by itself. It is better to take all possible actions to resolve the conflict. This applies to both working moments and personal experiences. Everything possible should be done to get out of this situation.
Accept what's happening
If a situation occurs that cannot be influenced, then you need to come to terms with it and accept it. This is about the death of a loved one. It is also worth learning to treat life philosophically, you should not blame anyone or anything for your problems. If that's the case, then that's the way it should be. We cannot influence any situations that happen to us. Therefore, it will be better to learn how to overcome the trials that fate has prepared for us.
