A child is a small part of our society. He lives and develops among people, which means that he needs to communicate with others. A sociable person always feels confident in the company of people, regardless of their social status. With such a person it is always interesting and comfortable, as a rule, they are the "soul" of any company. In order to achieve such results, the child during his preschool childhood, goes through certain forms of communication.
Communication with peers is an important component of socialization
Stages of development of children's communication with peers
At successful development baby, each of the following forms of communication is formed at a certain stage of preschool childhood.
From 2 to 4 years
- One of the first forms of communication with peers that a baby masters is considered situational-personal, it is characterized by a period from 1 to 6 months. At birth, the child does not need to communicate. But its development does not stand still. A month later, the baby begins to respond to the presence of an adult. He begins to recognize them and react to their appearance. Primary communication is based on cooing, babbling and the first simple words.
- The next form of communication that the child masters is of an emotional-practical nature.
Peculiarities of children's communication with each other In the second - fourth year of life, getting into the children's team, the baby gains his first experience.
He likes to be among children, the child experiences increased attention to them and shows interest in the actions of other preschoolers. By the age of three, showing his achievements, the baby is trying to attract the attention of his peers to himself, in the hope of self-expression. Also, he takes part in the fun and pranks of other children with interest, enhancing the fun from common game.
The role of communication with peers - the main points Children under 4 years old
Up to 4 years for children, their own importance in the children's team is of great importance.
In communication with peers, they very often say: “you are my friend”, “you are my girlfriend”. If a child receives a positive response from a peer to such a remark, then he smiles, and vice versa, the phrase “no, I'm not your friend” can cause a protest or tears in the child. Such a reaction suggests that in a peer, the baby is able to perceive only the attitude towards himself, for no matter the mood or actions of his friend. At this age, the peer serves for the baby as a mirror image of himself.
Problems in communication appear from the age of 4 Children 4-6 years old
The next form of communication with peers is situational business.
It is characterized by a period of four to six years. If the development of the child occurs in preschool, then the baby is more attracted to communication with peers than with adults. By the age of four, the child is fluent in speech and has little experience social life, these factors contribute to the development of the role-playing game.
From forms of play activity alone, where actions with objects were leading, children begin to play role-playing games with their peers.
The first friends appear from 4-5 years In collective games, the social and communicative development of preschoolers is formed. Games in the store, hospital, zoo teach children to negotiate, avoid conflict situations to behave properly in society. The relationship of preschoolers is more like business cooperation and is a priority, while communication with adults is secondary and more like consultations and advice.
Collaborating with peers, the development of the child's personality takes place.
It is very important for him to be recognized and respected in the children's team. The child, by any means, tries to attract the attention of his comrades. In their facial expressions and views, he tries to find signs of a positive or negative attitude towards his person. In an emotional form, he can already express resentment or reproach other preschoolers for not paying enough attention to himself.
During this period, children tend to show interest in the actions of their comrades. They are their invisible observers. The children carefully, with signs of some kind of jealousy, follow the actions of preschoolers - peers, subjecting their actions to evaluation and criticism.
If an adult's assessment of another comrade's act does not coincide with the views of the child, then he can react to it in one of the sharpest forms.
Communication disorders - what do preschoolers have At 4-5 years old, in the process of communicating with adults, children are interested in them about some of the successes of their comrades, while not forgetting to emphasize their own advantages against their background, and try not to mention their own failures and mistakes in conversation. At this age, a positive assessment by adults of a peer's act can upset the child, and vice versa, he rejoices at any of his failures.
By the age of 5, preschoolers have changed relationships with peers. The comrade, in some form, is the object of constant comparison with his actions.
Thus, the child tries to oppose himself with his companion. Against the background of comparison with their own skills and abilities, the child learns to evaluate his own qualities. This allows him to begin to look at his own actions "through the eyes of his comrades", thus, in one of the forms of communication, a competitive and competitive beginning appears.
Children at the age of 6 should be able to communicate with the team Senior preschoolers 6-7 years old
From the age of 6-7, the communication of preschoolers with their peers moves to a new level and is of an extra-situational-personal nature. Speech skills predominate among the forms and means of communication. The guys spend a lot of time talking. In friendship, stable electoral preferences are observed.
Among the above forms, extra-situational-personal communication has a special impact on the development of the personality of preschoolers. By the age of 7, in the process of daily communication with adults, children not only learn certain norms of behavior, but also successfully try to apply them in everyday life. They can distinguish bad deeds from good ones, so they try to act in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior. Looking at themselves "from the outside" children are able to consciously control their own behavior.
Psychological aspects of children's communication with peers Children are well acquainted with some professions of adults (teacher, seller, doctor), so they know how to choose the appropriate style of communication with adults.
The role of an adult in shaping children's communication with peers
The development of all forms of communication between children and peers is possible only under the direct guidance of an adult. The child must successively go through all its forms.
But it happens that a child of 4 years old does not know how to play with peers, and at 5 years old he is not able to maintain an elementary conversation.
Is it possible to catch up and teach the child to communicate with adults and peers?
There are special classes for this and they are advanced in nature. What does it mean? An adult gives a child such patterns of communication with which he is not yet familiar. To do this, you need to learn how to communicate well enough yourself. The main problem in organizing such classes is not just to demonstrate to the child a perfect, yet inaccessible form of communication for him - cognitive or personal, but the ability to lead the child, imperceptibly including him in the communication itself.
Story games - let to communicate Based on the achieved level of communication, you can invite the child to play a joint game, the number of participants should not exceed 5-7 children.
The peculiarity of the game is that an adult is assigned the role of both a leader and a participant: he must follow the rules of the game, evaluate the actions of preschoolers, while being, on an equal basis with other children, the same participant in the game. In the process of joint actions, children have the opportunity to focus on the player-partner, and not be offended if they lose. Together with other children, they experience joy, feel their importance in playing together. When conducting such classes, shy or withdrawn children begin to feel at ease, free and easy. After joint games with adults, such children cease to feel fear in communication and freely turn to an adult with a request or question. Thus, the development of extra-situational communication with peers and adults is slowly moving forward.
In a joint game, children are liberated Each child is individual. There are children with low self-esteem, aggressive, shy, conflict and withdrawn - all of them, to one degree or another, may experience problems in communication. We offer to get acquainted with simple games and exercises aimed at correcting some forms of communication between preschoolers and peers.
The foundations of meaningful communication are laid in the family. 1. Exercise "Make up a story."
Invite the child to make up a short story on the topic: “I love it when ...”, “When I am angry ...”, “I am worried ...”, “When I am offended ...”, “I am afraid ...”. Let the child write a detailed story and fully express his thoughts. Subsequently, all stories can be played, but the main role must be the narrator himself. Together with the child, you can think over and find ways to overcome some situations.
2. Conversation "How to become yourself."
During the conversation, you need to discuss and find out the reasons that prevent the child from being the way he wants. Think with your child about ways to get rid of them.
3. Exercise "Draw yourself."
Exercise "Draw yourself" will help the child cope with fears Invite the child to draw himself with colored pencils now and in the past. Then discuss the details of the picture, find the differences in them. Find out from your child what he likes and dislikes about himself. With the help of this exercise, the child will be able to realize himself as an individual, to look at himself from different angles.
These simple games will help to increase the attention of the child to himself, help him see his feelings and experiences, and also contribute to the development of self-confidence.
They will teach children to be sympathetic to the differences between peers and to see individual characteristics every child.
Video. Difficulties in communicating with peers: what to do
Summary: Communication of the child with peers. Age features of communication of a preschooler with peers. Why do children fight? Where does friendship begin?
AT preschool age other children of the same age are firmly and forever included in the life of the child. A complex and sometimes dramatic picture of relationships unfolds between preschoolers. They make friends, quarrel, reconcile, get offended, jealous, help each other, and sometimes do small "dirty things". All these relationships are acutely experienced and carry a lot of different emotions. Emotional tension and conflict in the sphere of children's relations is much higher than in the sphere of communication with an adult. Parents are sometimes unaware of the wide range of feelings and relationships that their children experience, and, of course, do not attach much importance to children's friendship, quarrels, and insults.
Meanwhile, the experience of the first relationships with peers is the foundation on which the further development of the child's personality is built. This first experience largely determines the nature of a person's relationship to himself, to others, to the world as a whole. It doesn't always work out well. In many children already at preschool age, a negative attitude towards others is formed and consolidated, which can have very sad long-term consequences. It is the most important task of parents to identify the problematic forms of the child's relationship to peers in time and help to overcome them. To do this, it is necessary to know the age characteristics of children's communication, the normal course of development of communication with peers.
How babies communicate
Communication of younger preschoolers is completely different from their communication with adults. They talk differently, look at each other, behave differently.
The first thing that catches your eye is the extremely bright emotional richness of children's communication. They literally cannot talk calmly - they scream, squeal, laugh, rush about, scare each other and at the same time choke with delight. Increased emotionality and looseness significantly distinguishes children's contacts from their interaction with adults. In the communication of peers, there are approximately 10 times more vivid expressive-mimic manifestations expressing a variety of emotional states: from furious indignation to violent joy, from tenderness and sympathy to a fight.
Another one important feature contacts of children lies in the non-standard of their behavior and in the absence of any rules and decency. If in communication with an adult, even the smallest children adhere to certain norms of behavior, then when interacting with their peers, babies use the most unexpected and unpredictable sounds and movements. They jump, take bizarre poses, make faces, mimic each other, crackle, croak and bark, come up with unimaginable sounds, words, fables, etc. Such eccentricities bring them unbridled gaiety - and the more wonderful, the merrier. Naturally, such manifestations annoy adults - one would like to stop this disgrace as soon as possible. It seems that such senseless fuss only disturbs the peace, of course, has no benefit and has nothing to do with the development of the child. But if all children of preschool age, at the first opportunity, make faces and mimic each other again and again, does it mean that they need it for something?
What gives preschoolers such strange communication?
Such freedom, unregulated communication of preschoolers allows the child to show his initiative and originality, his original beginning. It is very important that other children quickly and with pleasure pick up the child's initiative, multiply it and return it in a transformed form. For example, one shouted, the other shouted and jumped - and both laughed. Identical and unusual actions bring kids self-confidence and bright, joyful emotions. In such contacts, young children experience an incomparable sense of their similarity with others. After all, they jump and croak in the same way and at the same time experience a common immediate joy. Through this community, recognizing and multiplying themselves in their peers, children try and assert themselves. If an adult carries culturally normalized patterns of behavior for a child, then a peer creates conditions for individual, non-standardized, free manifestations. Naturally, with age, children's contacts are more and more subject to generally accepted rules of conduct. However, special looseness, the use of unpredictable and non-standard means remains hallmark children's communication until the end of preschool age, and maybe even later.
At a younger preschool age, the child expects complicity from his peers in his amusements and craves self-expression. It is necessary and sufficient for him that a peer joins his pranks and, acting together or alternately with him, supports and enhances the general fun. Each participant in such communication is primarily concerned with attracting attention to himself and getting an emotional response from his partner. Communication between toddlers depends entirely on the specific environment in which the interaction takes place, and on what the other child is doing and what he has in his hands.
Characteristically, the introduction of an attractive object into the situation of children's communication can destroy their interaction: they switch their attention from their peers to the object or fight over it. Everyone knows the "showdown" in the sandbox, when two kids cling to one car and drag it screaming in their own direction. And mothers at the same time convince the kids not to quarrel and play together, together. But the trouble is that kids still don’t know how to play toys together. Their communication is not yet connected with objects and with the game. A new interesting toy for a baby is a more attractive item than his peers. Therefore, the object, as it were, covers another child, the baby's attention is attracted to the toy, and the peer is perceived as a hindrance. It is a completely different matter when there are no such distracting objects, when there is "pure communication" between the kids - here they are united in general fun and enjoy the company of their peers.
Although children perceive their peers in a very peculiar way. Most younger preschoolers are characterized by an indifferent attitude towards another child. Three-year-old children, as a rule, are indifferent to the success of their peers and to their assessment by an adult. The support and recognition of an adult is much more important to them than another child. The kid, as it were, does not notice the actions and states of his peer. He does not remember his name and even appearance. In principle, he doesn’t care who he messes with and rushes about, it is important that he (the partner) be the same, act and experience the same. Thus, the peer does not yet play a significant role in the life of younger preschoolers.
At the same time, its presence increases the overall emotionality and activity of the child. This is expressed primarily in the joy and even delight with which the baby imitates the movements and sounds of his peers, in his desire to be close to them. The ease with which three-year-olds become infected with shared emotional states is indicative of the special commonality that develops between young children. They feel their similarity, their belonging to a common genus. "You and I are of the same blood," they seem to say to each other with their antics and jumps. This commonality is also expressed in the fact that they willingly look for and delightfully discover similarities in each other: the same tights, the same mittens, the same sounds and words, etc. Such feelings of community, connections with others are very important for the normal development of communication and self-awareness. child. They form the foundation of the child's relationship to other people, create a sense of belonging to others, which further relieves from the painful experiences of loneliness. In addition, such communication with others helps the little person to better identify and realize himself. By repeating the same movements and sounds, children reflect each other, become a kind of mirror in which you can see yourself. The child, "looking at a peer," sort of singles out specific actions and qualities in himself.
It turns out that, despite its "unruly" and, it would seem, senselessness, such emotional communication is very useful. Of course, if such fun and pranks prevail in the communication of 5-6-year-old children, this is already abnormal. But at 2-4 years old, one cannot deprive a child of the joy of direct emotional interaction with peers.
However, for parents this kind of childish joys are very tiring, especially in an apartment where there is nowhere to hide and where children's running around threatens both property and the children themselves. To avoid tensions, it is possible to give children's communication a calmer and more cultural form, without violating its psychological essence. All games in which children act in the same way and at the same time are suitable for such communication. These are numerous round dance games ("Bunny", "Carousels", "Bubble", "Loaf", etc.), as well as games of any animals - frogs, birds, bunnies, where kids jump together, croak, chirp, etc. Such amusements are usually enthusiastically accepted by children and, in addition to pure childish joy, carry with them an organizing and developing principle.
At the age of 3-4, communication with peers brings mostly joyful emotions. But later, more complex and not always rosy relationships arise.
Why do children fight?
In the middle of preschool age, a decisive change occurs in relation to peers. The picture of interaction between children is changing significantly. After four years, communication (especially with children attending kindergarten) with a peer becomes more attractive than communication with an adult and takes an increasing place in a child's life. Preschoolers already quite consciously choose the society of peers. They clearly prefer to play together (rather than alone), and other children become more attractive partners than adults.
Along with the need to play together, a child of 4-5 years old usually has a need for peer recognition and respect. This natural need creates a lot of problems in the relationship of children and causes many conflicts. The child does his best to attract the attention of others, sensitively catches signs of attitude towards himself in their glances and facial expressions, demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches of partners. For a child, his own action or statement is much more important, and in most cases the initiative of a peer is not supported by him. This is especially evident in the inability to continue and develop the dialogue, which falls apart due to the inability to hear the partner. Everyone talks about his own, shows his achievements and does not react at all to the statements of his partner. Here, for example, is a typical conversation between two little friends:
My doll has a new dress.
- And my mother bought slippers, look ...
- And my doll is better than yours - her hair is so long and you can braid it.
- And I'm tying my bows. I already know how to tie bows, but you can't.
- And I can draw a princess with bows ...
What's going on here? It would seem that the girls are playing. But in every phrase of their conversation there is always an “I”: I have, I can, mine is better, etc. Children, as it were, brag to each other about their skills, virtues, property. It is important not only to have all these advantages, but to demonstrate them to a peer, and in such a way that at least in something (and better in everything) to surpass a partner. A new thing or toy that cannot be shown to anyone loses half of its attractiveness.
The fact is that a small child needs confidence that he is the best, most beloved. This confidence is completely justified, since it reflects the attitude of close adults towards him, for whom he is always "the very best", especially while he is small. Mom or grandmother does not need to prove that he is the best. But as soon as the baby is among children, this truth ceases to be so obvious. And he has to prove his right to uniqueness and superiority. A variety of arguments are suitable for this: slippers, bows, and doll hair. But behind all this is: "Look how good I am!" A peer is needed in order to have someone to compare yourself with (otherwise, how can you show that you are the best?), And in order to have someone to show your property and your advantages.
It turns out that preschoolers see in others, first of all, themselves: an attitude towards themselves and an object for comparison with themselves. And the peer himself, his desires, interests, actions, qualities are completely unimportant: they are simply not noticed and not perceived. Rather, they are perceived only when the other begins to interfere, behaves not as we would like.
And immediately the partner evokes a harsh and unambiguous assessment: “Don’t push, idiot!”, “You’re a greedy bastard,” “Fool, this is my car,” etc. Children reward each other with such epithets even with the most harmless actions: don’t give a toy - it means you are greedy, you are doing something wrong - it means you are a fool. And preschoolers openly and directly express all these discontents to their little comrade. But a friend needs something completely different! He also needs recognition, approval, praise! But it is very difficult to praise or approve a peer at this age.
It turns out that, feeling the need for recognition and admiration of others, the children themselves do not want and cannot express approval to another, their peer, they simply do not notice his merits. This is the first and main reason for endless children's quarrels.
At the age of 4-5, children often ask adults about the successes of their comrades, demonstrate their advantages, and try to hide their mistakes and failures from their peers. In children's communication at this age, a competitive, competitive beginning appears. The "invisibility" of a peer turns into a keen interest in everything that he does. The successes and failures of others acquire special significance for the child. In any activity, children closely and jealously observe the actions of their peers, evaluate them and compare them with their own. Children's reactions to an adult's assessment - whom he will praise, and whom, perhaps, he will scold - also become more acute and emotional. The successes of a peer in many children can cause grief, but his failures can be an undisguised joy. At this age, such difficult experiences arise as envy, jealousy, resentment towards a peer. Of course, they complicate the relationship of children and become the reason for numerous children's conflicts.
So, we see that in the middle of preschool age there is a profound qualitative restructuring of the child's relationship to his peers. The other child becomes the subject of constant comparison with himself. This comparison is not aimed at discovering commonality (as with three-year-olds), but at opposing oneself and the other. It is important for everyone to show that he is at least something better than others - he jumps better, draws better, solves problems, possesses the best things etc. Such a comparison primarily reflects changes in the child's self-awareness. Through comparison with a peer, he evaluates and asserts himself as the owner of certain virtues that are important not in themselves, but "in the eyes of another." This other for a 4-5-year-old child becomes a peer. All this gives rise to numerous conflicts of children and such phenomena as boasting, demonstrativeness, competitiveness. Some children literally "get bogged down" in negative experiences and suffer in earnest if someone surpasses them in something. Such experiences can become a source of many serious problems in the future, which is why it is very important to "slow down" the impending wave of envy, jealousy and boasting in time. At preschool age, this can be done through the joint activities of children, and above all through the game.
This age is the heyday of the role-playing game. At this time, the game becomes collective - children prefer to play together, and not alone. The main content of the communication of children in the middle of preschool age is now in a common cause or business cooperation. Cooperation should be distinguished from complicity. The younger children, as we have already noted, acted simultaneously and in the same way, side by side, but not together. It was important for the kids to share their emotions and repeat the movements of their peers. In business communication, when preschoolers are engaged in a common business, they must coordinate their actions and take into account the activity of their partner in order to achieve a common result. Here it is completely unacceptable to repeat the actions or words of another, because everyone has their own role. Most role-playing games are designed so that each role involves a partner: if I am a doctor, I need a patient; if I am a seller, then I need a buyer, etc. Therefore, cooperation, coordination of actions with a partner - necessary condition normal game.
In a role-playing game, there is absolutely no reason to compete and compete - after all, all participants have a common task that they must complete together. It is no longer so important for children to assert themselves in the eyes of their peers; it's much more important to play together to make a good game, or a nice doll room, or a big brick house. It does not matter who built this house. The main thing is the result that we achieve together. Thus, it is necessary to shift the interests of the child from self-affirmation as the main meaning of his life to joint activities with other children, where the main thing is the overall result, and not his personal achievements. By creating conditions for a common game and joining the efforts of children to achieve common purpose, you will help the child get rid of many personality problems.
However, for many five-year-old children, the heightened need for peer recognition and respect is only an age-related feature. By the older preschool age, the attitude towards peers again changes significantly.
Where does friendship begin?
By the age of 6-7, preschool children have a significant increase in friendliness towards peers and the ability to help each other. Of course, the competitive, competitive beginning persists for life. However, along with this, in the communication of older preschoolers, the ability to see in a partner not only his situational manifestations is gradually revealed: what he has and what he does, but also some psychological aspects the existence of a partner: his desires, preferences, moods. Preschoolers now not only talk about themselves, but also ask questions to their peers: what he wants to do, what he likes, where he was, what he saw, etc. An interest in the personality of a peer is awakened, not related to his specific actions.
By the age of 6, many children have an immediate and disinterested desire to help a peer, give him something or give in something. Malevolence, envy, competitiveness appear less frequently and not as sharply as at the age of five. Significantly also increases during this period emotional involvement in the activities and experiences of a peer. It is important for children what and how the other child does (what he plays, what he draws, what books he watches), not in order to show that I am better, but just because this other child becomes interesting in itself. Sometimes, even contrary to accepted rules, they seek to help another, suggest the correct move or answer. If 4-5-year-old children willingly, following an adult, condemn the actions of a peer, then 6-year-old boys, on the contrary, can unite with a friend in their "opposition" to an adult, defend or justify him. For example, when an adult negatively assessed one boy (or rather, his construction from a designer), another boy defended his friend: "He knows how to build well, he just hasn't finished yet, just wait, and he will do well".
All this indicates that the thoughts and actions of older preschoolers are directed not only to a positive assessment of an adult and not only to emphasizing their own advantages, but also directly to another child, to make him feel better.
Many children are already able to empathize with both the successes and failures of their peers. So, for example, they rejoice when a kindergarten teacher praises their friend, and get upset or try to help when something does not work out for him. A peer, thus, becomes for the child not only a means of self-affirmation and an object of comparison with himself, not only a preferred partner, but also a valuable person, important and interesting, regardless of his achievements and his toys.
Children become interested in what the other child is experiencing and prefers:
Are you hurt? Are you hurt?
- Do you miss your mother?
- Do you want to bite an apple?
- Do you like transformers?
- What cartoons do you like?
Such questions of six-year-old children, for all their naivete and simplicity, express not only interest in the activities or in the "property" of a peer, but attention to the child himself and even concern for him. A peer is now not only an object for comparison with oneself and not only a partner in an exciting game, but also a valuable, significant human personality with its own experiences and preferences.
In older preschool age, children are increasingly doing something on purpose for another, in order to help him or somehow make him better. They themselves understand this and can explain their actions:
I agreed to play with these dolls, because Katya loves to play with them very much.
- I grunted so much, because I wanted to make Olya laugh, she was sad.
- I wanted Sasha to draw a good car as soon as possible, and therefore I chose sharp pencils and gave him ...
In all these explanations, the other child is no longer a competitor or opponent, he is an original personality: he loves something, rejoices in something, wants something. It is very important that children think not only about how to help another, but also about his moods and desires; they sincerely want to bring joy and pleasure to another. Friendship begins with such attention to the other, with care for him.
At the older preschool age, the attitude towards peers becomes more stable, independent of the specific circumstances of the interaction. By the end of preschool age, strong selective attachments arise between children, the first shoots of true friendship appear. Preschoolers gather in small groups (2-3 people each) and show a clear preference for their friends. They care most about their friends, prefer to play with them, sit next to the table, go for a walk, etc. Friends tell each other about where they have been and what they have seen, share their plans or preferences, evaluate qualities and the actions of others. Question: "Who are you friends with?" becomes commonplace and almost obligatory. As well as the phrases: "I'm no longer friends with you", "Nadya and I are friends, but not with Tanya", etc. love between boys and girls. On this basis, real dramas of small "betrayals", "betrayals" and, conversely, manifestations of loyalty and selflessness unfold. But that is another topic.
It is important for us now to emphasize that the above sequence of development of communication and attitudes towards peers in preschool age is by no means always realized in the development of specific children. It is widely known that there are significant individual differences in a child's attitude towards peers, which largely determine his well-being, position among others, and, ultimately, the characteristics of personality formation.
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Summary: Communication between preschoolers and peers. Aggressive kids. Shy children. Touchy children.
Almost every group kindergarten a complex and sometimes dramatic picture of the relationship of children unfolds. Preschoolers make friends, quarrel, reconcile, get offended, jealous, help each other, and sometimes do small "dirty things". All these relationships are acutely experienced and carry a lot of different emotions.
Parents and educators are sometimes unaware of the wide range of feelings and relationships that their children experience, and, naturally, do not attach much importance to children's friendships, quarrels, and insults. Meanwhile, the experience of the first relationships with peers is the foundation on which the further development of the child's personality is built. This first experience largely determines the nature of a person's relationship to himself, to others, to the world as a whole. This experience is not always successful.
In many children already at preschool age, a negative attitude towards others is formed and consolidated, which can have very sad long-term consequences. To identify problematic forms of interpersonal relationships in time and help the child overcome them is the most important task of parents. To do this, it is necessary to know the age characteristics of children's communication, the normal course of development of communication with peers, as well as the psychological causes of various problems in relationships with other children. In this article, we will try to cover all these issues.
Features of communication of preschoolers with peers
Communication with peers has a number of significant features that qualitatively distinguish it from communication with adults.
The first striking difference between peer communication is its extremely intense emotional intensity . The increased emotionality and looseness of contacts between preschoolers distinguishes them from interaction with adults. On average, in the communication of peers, 9-10 times more expressive-mimic manifestations are observed, expressing a variety of emotional states - from violent indignation to violent joy, from tenderness and sympathy to a fight. Preschoolers more often approve of a peer and are much more likely to enter into conflict relations with him than when interacting with an adult.
Such a strong emotional saturation of children's communication, apparently, is due to the fact that, starting from the age of four, a peer becomes a more preferred and attractive communication partner. The importance of communication is higher in the sphere of interaction with a peer than with an adult.
Another important feature of children's contacts is their non-standard and unregulated . If in communication with an adult, even the smallest children adhere to certain forms of behavior, then when interacting with their peers, preschoolers use the most unexpected and original actions and movements. These movements are characterized by a special looseness, irregularity, lack of any patterns: children jump, take bizarre poses, grimace, mimic each other, come up with new words and fables, etc.
Such freedom, unregulated communication of preschoolers allows them to show their originality and their original beginning. If an adult carries culturally normalized patterns of behavior for a child, then a peer creates conditions for individual, non-standardized, free manifestations of the child. Naturally, with age, children's contacts are more and more subject to generally accepted rules of conduct. However, the lack of regulation and looseness of communication, the use of unpredictable and non-standard means, remains a hallmark of children's communication until the end of preschool age.
Another distinctive feature of peer communication is the predominance of initiative actions over response . This is especially clearly manifested in the inability to continue and develop the dialogue, which falls apart due to the lack of reciprocal activity of the partner. For a child, his own action or statement is much more important, and in most cases the initiative of a peer is not supported by him. Children accept and support the initiative of an adult about twice as often. Sensitivity to the influence of a partner is significantly less in the sphere of communication with a peer than with an adult. Such inconsistency in the communicative actions of children often gives rise to conflicts, protests, and resentment.
These features reflect the specifics of children's contacts throughout the preschool age. However, the content of children's communication changes significantly from three to six to seven years.
Development of communication with peers in preschool age
During preschool age, children's communication with each other changes significantly. Three qualitatively unique stages (or forms of communication) between preschoolers and their peers can be distinguished in these changes.
The first of them - emotional-practical
(second - fourth years of life). At a younger preschool age, the child expects complicity from his peers in his amusements and craves self-expression. It is necessary and sufficient for him that a peer joins his pranks and, acting together or alternately with him, supports and enhances the general fun. Each participant in such communication is primarily concerned with drawing attention to himself and getting an emotional response from his partner. Emotional-practical communication is extremely situational - both in its content and in the means of implementation. It entirely depends on the specific environment in which the interaction takes place, and on the practical actions of the partner. It is characteristic that introducing an attractive object into a situation can disrupt children's interaction: they switch attention from their peers to the subject or fight over it. At this stage communication of children is not yet connected with objects or actions and is separated from them.
For younger preschoolers, the most characteristic is an indifferent-friendly attitude towards another child. Three-year-old children, as a rule, are indifferent to the success of their peers and to their assessment by an adult. At the same time, as a rule, they easily solve problem situations "in favor" of others: they give way to the game, give away their items (although their gifts are more often addressed to adults - parents or educators, than to peers). All this may indicate that the peer does not yet play a significant role in the life of the child. The kid, as it were, does not notice the actions and states of a peer. At the same time, its presence increases the overall emotionality and activity of the child. This is evidenced by the desire of children for emotional and practical interaction, imitation of the movements of their peers. The ease with which three-year-old children become infected with common emotional states may indicate a special commonality with him, which is expressed in the discovery of the same properties, things or actions. The child, "looking at a peer", as it were, singles out specific properties in himself. But this generality has a purely external, procedural and situational character.
The next form of peer communication is situational business . It develops around the age of four and remains most typical until the age of six. After four years, children (especially those who attend kindergarten) have a peer in their attractiveness that begins to overtake an adult and take an increasing place in their lives. This age is the heyday of the role-playing game. At this time, the role-playing game becomes collective - children prefer to play together, and not alone. Business cooperation becomes the main content of children's communication in the middle of preschool age. Cooperation should be distinguished from complicity. During emotional and practical communication, the children acted side by side, but not together; the attention and complicity of their peers was important to them. In situational business communication, preschoolers are busy with a common cause, they must coordinate their actions and take into account the activity of their partner in order to achieve a common result. This kind of interaction was called cooperation. The need for peer cooperation becomes central to children's communication.
In the middle of preschool age, a decisive change occurs in relation to peers. The picture of interaction between children is changing significantly.
"At senior preschool age, the emotional well-being of a child in a peer group depends either on the ability to organize joint play activities or on the success of productive activities. Popular children have high success in joint cognitive, work and play activities. They are active, result-oriented, expect positive assessment. Children with an unfavorable position in the group have low success in activities that cause them negative emotions, refusal to work. "
Along with the need for cooperation at this stage, the need for peer recognition and respect is clearly highlighted. The child seeks to attract the attention of others. Sensitively catches in their views and facial expressions signs of attitude towards himself, demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches of partners. The "invisibility" of a peer turns into keen interest in everything he does. At the age of four or five, children often ask adults about the successes of their comrades, demonstrate their advantages, and try to hide their mistakes and failures from their peers. In children's communication at this age, a competitive, competitive beginning appears. The successes and failures of others take on special significance. In the process of playing or other activities, children closely and jealously observe the actions of their peers and evaluate them. Children's reactions to an adult's assessment also become more acute and emotional.
The successes of peers can cause grief for children, and his failures cause undisguised joy. At this age, the number of children's conflicts increases significantly, such phenomena as envy, jealousy, and resentment towards a peer arise.
All this allows us to talk about a deep qualitative restructuring of the child's relationship to peers. The other child becomes the subject of constant comparison with himself. This comparison is not aimed at revealing commonality (as with three-year-olds), but at opposing oneself and the other, which primarily reflects changes in the child's self-awareness. Through comparison with a peer, the child evaluates and asserts himself as the owner of certain virtues that are important not in themselves, but "in the eyes of another." This other for a four-five-year-old child becomes a peer. All this gives rise to numerous conflicts of children and such phenomena as boasting, demonstrativeness, competitiveness, etc. However, these phenomena can be considered as age-related features of five-year-olds. By the older preschool age, the attitude towards peers again changes significantly.
By the age of six or seven, friendliness towards peers and the ability to help each other significantly increase. Of course, the competitive, competitive beginning is preserved in the communication of children. However, along with this, in the communication of older preschoolers there appears the ability to see in a partner not only his situational manifestations, but also some psychological aspects of his existence - his desires, preferences, moods. Preschoolers not only talk about themselves, but also turn to their peers with questions: what he wants to do, what he likes, where he was, what he saw, etc. Their communication becomes out-of-situation.
The development of out-of-situation in the communication of children occurs in two directions. On the one hand, the number of off-site contacts is increasing: children tell each other about where they have been and what they have seen, share their plans or preferences, and evaluate the qualities and actions of others. On the other hand, the very image of a peer becomes more stable, independent of the specific circumstances of the interaction. By the end of preschool age, stable selective attachments arise between children, the first shoots of friendship appear. Preschoolers "gather" in small groups (two or three people each) and show a clear preference for their friends. The child begins to isolate and feel the inner essence of the other, which, although not represented in the situational manifestations of a peer (in his specific actions, statements, toys), but becomes more and more significant for the child.
By the age of six, emotional involvement in the activities and experiences of a peer increases significantly. In most cases, older preschoolers carefully observe the actions of their peers and are emotionally involved in them. Sometimes even in spite of the rules of the game they seek to help him, suggest the right move. If four or five-year-old children willingly, following an adult, condemn the actions of their peers, then six-year-olds, on the contrary, can unite with a friend in their "opposition" to an adult. All this may indicate that the actions of older preschoolers are aimed not at a positive assessment of an adult and not at observing moral standards, but directly at another child.
By the age of six, many children have an immediate and unselfish desire to help a peer, give him something or give in. Malevolence, envy, competitiveness appear less frequently and not as sharply as at the age of five. Many children are already able to empathize with both the successes and failures of their peers. All this may indicate that a peer becomes for the child not only a means of self-affirmation and an object of comparison with himself, not only a preferred partner, but also a self-worthy personality, important and interesting, regardless of his achievements and subjects.
This is, in general terms, the age logic of the development of communication and attitudes towards peers in preschool age. However, it is not always realized in the development of specific children. It is widely known that there are significant individual differences in a child's attitude towards peers, which largely determine his well-being, position among others, and, ultimately, the characteristics of personality development. Of particular concern are problematic forms of interpersonal relationships.
Among the most typical variants of conflict relations for preschoolers are increased aggressiveness, resentment, shyness and demonstrativeness of preschoolers. Let's dwell on them in more detail.
Problematic forms of relationships with peers
Aggressive kids. Increased aggressiveness of children is one of the most common problems in the children's team. It worries not only teachers, but also parents. Some forms of aggression are typical for most preschoolers. Almost all children quarrel, fight, call names, etc. Usually, with the assimilation of the rules and norms of behavior, these direct manifestations of childish aggressiveness give way to other, more peaceful forms of behavior. However, in a certain category of children, aggression as a stable form of behavior not only persists, but also develops, transforming into a stable personality trait. As a result, the productive potential of the child decreases, the opportunities for full-fledged communication are narrowed, and his personal development is deformed. An aggressive child brings a lot of problems not only to others, but also to himself.
In psychological research, the level of aggressive behavior and the factors influencing it are identified and described. Among these factors, the features of family upbringing, patterns of aggressive behavior that a child observes on a TV screen or from peers, the level of emotional stress and frustration, etc. are usually distinguished. However, it is obvious that all these factors cause aggressive behavior not in all children, but only for a certain part. In the same family, under similar upbringing conditions, children grow up with different degrees of aggressiveness. Research and long-term observations show that aggressiveness, which developed in childhood, remains a stable feature and persists throughout a person's later life. Already at preschool age, certain internal prerequisites are formed that contribute to the manifestation of aggressiveness. Children prone to violence differ significantly from their peace-loving peers not only in their external behavior, but also in their psychological characteristics.
Aggressive behavior in preschoolers takes a variety of forms. This may be an insult to a peer (fool, idiot, fat trust), a fight over an attractive toy or a leading position in the game. At the same time, some children exhibit aggressive actions that do not have any purpose and are aimed solely at causing harm to another. For example, a boy pushes a girl into the pool and laughs at her tears, or a girl hides her friend's slippers and watches her experiences with pleasure. Physical pain or humiliation of a peer causes satisfaction in such children, and aggression acts as an end in itself. Such behavior may indicate a child's tendency to hostility and cruelty, which naturally causes particular concern.
Some forms of aggressive behavior are observed in most preschoolers. At the same time, some children show a much more pronounced tendency to aggressiveness, which manifests itself in the following: high frequency aggressive actions, the predominance of direct physical aggression, the presence of hostile aggressive actions aimed not at achieving any goal (as with other preschoolers), but at the physical pain or suffering of peers.
In accordance with these characteristics, a group of preschoolers with increased aggressiveness can be distinguished. Studies have shown that aggressive children practically do not differ from their peace-loving peers in terms of the level of intelligence, volition or play activity. The main distinguishing feature of aggressive children is their attitude towards their peers. The other child acts for them as an adversary, as a competitor, as an obstacle that needs to be removed. This attitude cannot be reduced to a lack of communication skills (note that many aggressive children in some cases demonstrate quite adequate ways of communicating and at the same time show extraordinary ingenuity, coming up with various forms of harming their peers). It can be assumed that this attitude reflects a special personality structure, its orientation, which gives rise to a specific perception of the other as an enemy.
An aggressive child has a preconceived notion that the actions of others are driven by hostility, they attribute hostile intentions and neglect to others.. Such attribution of hostility is manifested in a feeling of being underestimated by peers, in attributing aggressive intentions when resolving conflict situations, in anticipation of an attack or trick from a partner.
All this suggests that the main problems of aggressive children lie in the sphere of relations with peers. However, aggressive children differ significantly both in the forms of manifestation of aggression and in the motivation for aggressive behavior. In some children, aggression is fleeting, impulsive, not particularly cruel, and is most often used to attract the attention of peers. For others, aggressive actions are used to achieve a specific goal (most often - to get a desired object) and have more rigid and stable forms. For others, the predominant motivation for aggression is the "disinterested" infliction of harm on peers (aggression as an end in itself) and is manifested in the most severe forms of violence. Note the increase in the frequency and severity of aggression from the first group to the third. However, despite these obvious differences, all aggressive children have one thing in common common property- inattention to other children, inability to see and understand the other.
In the world and in other people, such a child sees, first of all, himself and his attitude towards himself. Other people act for him as the circumstances of his life, which either interfere with the achievement of his goals, or do not pay due attention to him, or try to harm him. The expectation of hostility from others does not allow such a child to see the other in all its fullness and integrity, to experience a sense of connection and community with him. Therefore, sympathy, empathy or assistance is not available for such children.
It is obvious that such a perception of the world creates a sense of acute loneliness in a hostile and threatening world, which gives rise to increasing opposition and separation from others. The degree of this perception of hostility may be different, but its psychological nature remains the same - internal isolation, attributing hostile intentions to others and the inability to see the other person's own world.
At the same time, it is not too late to take timely measures to overcome these trends at preschool age. These measures should not be aimed at a safe release of aggression (emotional catharsis), not at increasing self-esteem, not at developing communication skills or play activities, but to overcome internal isolation, to develop the ability to see and understand others.
Touchy children. Among all the problematic forms of interpersonal relationships, a special place is occupied by such a difficult experience as resentment towards others. Resentment poisons the life of both the person himself and his loved ones. Dealing with this painful reaction is not easy. Unforgiven grievances destroy friendships, lead to the accumulation of both explicit and hidden conflicts in the family, and ultimately deform the personality of a person.
In general terms, resentment can be understood as a painful experience by a person of his ignoring or rejection by communication partners. This experience is included in communication and is directed to the other. The phenomenon of resentment arises in preschool age. Young children (up to three or four years old) can get upset because of a negative assessment of an adult, demand attention to themselves, complain about their peers, but all these forms of childish resentment are of a direct, situational nature - kids do not "get stuck" on these experiences and quickly forget them. The phenomenon of resentment in its entirety begins to manifest itself after the age of five, due to the emergence at this age of the need for recognition and respect - first by an adult, and then by a peer. It is at this age that the main object of resentment begins to be a peer, and not an adult.
Resentment against another manifests itself in those cases when the child is acutely experiencing the infringement of his Self, his unrecognized, unnoticed. These situations include ignoring the partner, insufficient attention on his part, refusing something necessary and desired (they do not give the promised toy, refuse to treat or gift, disrespectful attitude from others - teasing, success and superiority of others, lack of praise).
In all these cases, the child feels rejected and infringed. In a state of resentment, the child does not show direct or indirect physical aggression (he does not fight, does not attack the offender, does not take revenge on him). The manifestation of resentment is characterized by an underlined demonstrating one's "offensiveness". Offended by all his behavior, he shows the offender that he is to blame and he should ask for forgiveness or somehow correct himself. He turns away, stops talking, defiantly shows his "suffering". The behavior of children in a state of resentment has an interesting and paradoxical feature. On the one hand, this behavior is clearly demonstrative and aimed at drawing attention to oneself. On the other hand, children refuse to communicate with the offender - they are silent, turn away, go aside. Refusal to communicate is used as a means of drawing attention to oneself, as a way of causing guilt and remorse in the one who offended. In one way or another, in certain situations, every person experiences a feeling of resentment. However, the "threshold" of resentment is different for everyone. In the same situations (for example, in a situation where another person succeeds or loses a game), some children feel hurt and offended, while others do not experience such feelings.
In addition, resentment arises not only in the situations listed above. It is possible to observe cases when resentment arises in situations of a completely neutral nature. For example, a girl is offended that her friends play without her, while she does not make any attempts to join their lesson, but defiantly turns away and looks at them with anger. Or the boy is offended when the teacher deals with another child. Obviously, in these cases, the child ascribes to others a disrespectful attitude towards himself, sees something that is not really there.
Thus, it is necessary to distinguish between an adequate and inadequate reason for the manifestation of resentment. An adequate reason can be considered when there is a conscious rejection by a person of a communication partner, his ignoring or disrespectful attitude. In addition, more justified can be considered resentment on the part of significant person. After all, the more another person is significant, the more you can count on his recognition and attention. An occasion in which the partner does not at all demonstrate disrespect or rejection can be considered inadequate for resentment towards the other. In this case, a person reacts not to a real attitude, but to his own unjustified expectations, to what he himself perceives and attributes to others.
The inadequacy of the source of resentment is the criterion by which one should distinguish between resentment as a natural and inevitable human reaction and resentment as a stable and destructive personality trait. A natural consequence of this trait is an increased frequency of manifestations of resentment. Those who are often offended are called touchy. Such people constantly see neglect and disrespect for themselves in others, and therefore they have a lot of reasons for resentment. Already at preschool age, children prone to resentment can be distinguished.
Resentful children perceive the success of others as their own humiliation and ignorance of themselves, and therefore experience and demonstrate resentment. A characteristic feature of touchy children is a bright setting for an evaluative attitude towards themselves and a constant expectation of a positive assessment, the absence of which is perceived as a denial of oneself.
Touchy children do not seem to notice others. They invent non-existent friends and stories without paying attention to their real partners. Own fantasies, in which the child has all conceivable virtues (strength, beauty, extraordinary courage), close reality from him and replace real relationships with peers. Self-assessment and attitude to oneself replaces the direct perception of peers and relationships with them. The real peers surrounding the child are perceived as a source of negative attitudes.
Touchy children have a clear feeling of their "underestimation", lack of recognition of their merits and their own rejection. However, this feeling does not correspond to reality. Research data show that touchy children, despite their conflict, do not belong to the number of unpopular or rejected. Therefore, such an underestimation of touchy children by the eyes of their peers is the result solely of their own ideas.
This fact points to another paradoxical feature of touchy children. On the one hand, they are clearly focused on a positive attitude towards themselves from all those around them and with all their behavior require them to constantly demonstrate respect, approval, recognition. On the other hand, according to their ideas, the people around them underestimate them, and they expect from them, and mainly from their peers, a negative assessment of themselves. In some cases, they themselves initiate situations in which they could feel rejected, unrecognized, and, offended by their peers, receive a kind of satisfaction from this.
So, the characteristic features of the personality of touchy children indicate that the basis of increased resentment is the intensely painful attitude of the child towards himself and self-assessment which generates an acute and insatiable need for recognition and respect. The child needs continuous confirmation of his own value, significance, "favorite". At the same time, he ascribes neglect and disrespect to others, which gives him imaginary grounds for resentment and blaming others. This vicious circle is extremely difficult to break. The child constantly looks at himself through the eyes of others and evaluates himself with these eyes, being, as it were, in a system of mirrors. All this brings the child acute painful experiences and interferes with the normal development of the personality. Therefore, increased resentment can be considered as one of the conflict forms of interpersonal relationships.
Shy children. Shyness is one of the most common and most difficult interpersonal relationship problems. It is known that shyness gives rise to a number of significant difficulties in communicating people and in their relationships. Among them are such as the problem of meeting new people, negative emotional states during communication, difficulties in expressing one's opinion, excessive restraint, inept presentation of oneself, stiffness in the presence of other people, etc.
The origin of this feature, like most other internal psychological problems of a person, is rooted in childhood. Observations have shown that shyness appears in many children already at the age of three or four and persists throughout preschool childhood. Virtually all children who were shy at age three retained this quality until the age of seven. However, the severity of shyness undergoes changes during the preschool period. It is weakest of all in the younger preschool age, increases sharply in the fifth year of life and decreases by the age of seven. At the same time, in the fifth year of life, increased shyness acquires the character of an age-related phenomenon. Having arisen during this period, in some children this quality remains a stable personality trait, which in many ways complicates and overshadows a person’s life. Therefore, it is very important to recognize this trait in time and stop its excessive development.
The behavior of shy children usually reflects the struggle of two opposite tendencies: on the one hand, the child wants to approach an unfamiliar adult, starts moving towards him, but as he approaches, he stops, returns back, or bypasses the new person. This behavior is called ambivalent.
When meeting with new circumstances or in the course of communication with strangers, the child experiences emotional discomfort, which manifests itself in timidity, insecurity, tension, expression of anxiety or fear. These children are afraid of any public speaking, even if it's just the need to answer questions from a familiar teacher or educator in the classroom.
Observing the behavior of the child, you can easily notice these features. Children who have them too often, even in safe situations, can be classified as shy.
What is behind this behavior? What is the psychological nature of childhood shyness?
The analysis shows that shy children are distinguished by the increased sensitivity of the child to the assessment of an adult(both real and expected). Shy children have heightened perception and anticipation of evaluation. Luck inspires and calms them, but the slightest remark slows down activity and causes a new surge of timidity and embarrassment. The child behaves shyly in situations in which he expects failure in activities. In cases of difficulty, he timidly looks an adult in the eye, not daring to ask for help. Sometimes, overcoming internal tension, he smiles embarrassedly, shudders and quietly says: "It doesn't work out." The child is at the same time uncertain both in the correctness of his actions and in the positive assessment of the adult. Shyness is manifested in the fact that the child, on the one hand, wants to attract the attention of an adult, but, on the other hand, is very afraid to stand out from the peer group, to be in the center of attention. This feature is clearly manifested in situations where an adult meets a child for the first time, as well as at the beginning of any joint activities.
The main difficulties in communicating a shy child with other people are related to the attitude towards oneself and the perception of the attitude of others.
The child's expectation of a critical attitude towards himself from adults largely determines his timidity and embarrassment. This is especially evident in communication with strangers, whose relationship they do not know. Not daring to get support from an adult, children sometimes resort to a peculiar way of strengthening the I, bringing a favorite toy to class and holding it close to them in case of difficulty, or asking to take a peer with them. The uncertainty of the adult's assessment paralyzes the child; he tries with all his might to get away from this situation, to switch attention from himself to something else.
It should be noted that in terms of the level of mental development and success in objective activities, these children are not inferior to their peers. Often, shy children are much better at completing tasks than their non-shy peers. But in case of failure or negative assessment, they are less persistent in achieving results. All shy children are characterized by an acute experience of a negative assessment of an adult, which often paralyzes both the child's practical activities and communication. While a non-shy child in such a situation seeks to actively search for a mistake and involve an adult, a shy preschooler both internally and externally shrinks from guilt for his ineptitude, lowers his eyes and does not dare to ask for help.
So, a shy child, on the one hand, treats other people kindly, seeks to communicate with them, and on the other hand, does not dare to show himself and his needs. The reason for such violations lies in the special nature of the relationship of a shy child to himself. On the one hand, the child has high self-esteem, considers himself the best, and on the other hand, he doubts the positive attitude of other people, especially strangers. Therefore, in communicating with them, shyness manifests itself most clearly. The uncertainty of a shy child in his value to other people blocks his initiative, does not allow him to fully satisfy the existing needs for joint activities and full communication.
The shy child experiences his self too keenly. Everything he does is constantly evaluated through the eyes of others, who, from his point of view, question the value of his personality. Increased anxiety about one's self often obscures the content of both joint activities and communication. Recognition and respect always act as the main ones for him, obscuring both cognitive and business interests, which prevents the realization of his abilities and adequate communication with others. In communication with close people, where the nature of the relationship of adults is clear to the child, the personality factor goes into the shadows, and in communication with outsiders it clearly comes to the fore, provoking protective forms of behavior that manifest themselves in "withdrawal into oneself", and sometimes in acceptance "masks of indifference". The painful experience of one's Self, one's vulnerability fetters the child, does not give him the opportunity to show his, sometimes very good abilities, to express his feelings. But in situations where the child "forgets about himself", he becomes as open and sociable as his non-shy peers.
Demonstrative children. Comparing oneself with a peer and demonstrating one's advantages are natural and necessary for the development of interpersonal relationships: only by opposing oneself to a peer and thus highlighting one's self, a child can return to a peer and perceive him as an integral, self-valuable personality. However, demonstrativeness often develops into a personality trait, a character trait that brings a lot of negative experiences to a person. The main motive for the child's actions becomes a positive assessment of others, with the help of which he satisfies his own need for self-affirmation. Even when doing a good deed, the child does it not for the sake of another, but in order to demonstrate his own kindness to others. Possession of attractive objects is also a traditional form of self-demonstration. How often, having received a beautiful toy as a gift, children carry it to kindergarten not to play it with others, but to show it off, to show it off.
Demonstrative children are distinguished by the desire to attract attention to themselves by any possible means. Such children, as a rule, are quite active in communication. However, in most cases, children, turning to a partner, do not feel real interest in him. Mostly they talk about themselves, show their toys, use the situation of interaction as a means of attracting the attention of adults or peers. Relations with others for such children are a means of self-affirmation and attracting attention. As a rule, such children strive at all costs to receive a positive assessment of themselves and their actions.
However, in cases where relations with a teacher or a group do not add up, demonstrative children use negative tactics of behavior: they show aggression, complain, provoke scandals and quarrels. Often self-affirmation is achieved by reducing the value or depreciation of the other. For example, after seeing a drawing by a peer, a demonstrative child may say: "I draw better, this is not a pretty drawing at all." In general, comparative forms prevail in the speech of demonstrative children: better/worse, more beautiful/uglier.
Demonstrative behavior reflects a certain general orientation of the personality and attitude towards other people.
Ideas about their own qualities and abilities of demonstrative children need constant reinforcement through comparison with someone else, the carrier of which is a peer. These children have a pronounced need for something else, in comparison with which one can evaluate and assert oneself. Correlating oneself with another is manifested in a bright competitiveness and a strong orientation towards the assessment of others.
Even one's own "kindness" or "fairness" is emphasized as a personal advantage and opposed to other, "bad" children.
Unlike other problematic forms of interpersonal relationships (such as aggressiveness or shyness), demonstrativeness is not considered a negative and, in fact, a problematic quality. Moreover, at present, some features inherent in demonstrative children, on the contrary, are socially approved: perseverance, healthy egoism, the ability to achieve one's own goals, the desire for recognition, ambition are considered the key to successful life position. However, this does not take into account that opposing oneself to another, a painful need for recognition and self-affirmation are a shaky foundation for psychological comfort and motivation for certain actions. The insatiable need for praise, for superiority over others becomes the main motive for all actions and deeds. Such a person is constantly afraid of being worse than others, which gives rise to anxiety, self-doubt, which is compensated by boasting and emphasizing their advantages. A position based on self-acceptance and the absence of a competitive attitude towards others is much stronger. That is why it is important to identify manifestations of demonstrativeness as a personal quality in time and help the child overcome such a competitive position.
Features of children with behavioral problems
Comparing different types"problem" children, one can see that they differ significantly in the nature of their behavior and in the degree of difficulties that they create for others. Some of them constantly fight, and you have to call them to order all the time, others do their best to attract attention and look "good", others hide from prying eyes and avoid any contact.
However, despite these apparent differences in children's behavior, almost all problems have similar causes. In general terms, the essence of these psychological problems can be defined as fixing the child on self-assessment. Moreover, the problems of these children are not in the level of their self-esteem and not even in the degree of its adequacy. The self-esteem of these children may be excessively high, average or low; it may correspond to the real achievements of the child, and may differ significantly from them. All this in itself is not a source of personal problems.
The main cause of the child's conflicts with himself and with others is the focus on his own value and on "what I mean to others." Such a child constantly thinks about how he is treated or how others evaluate him, and acutely affectively experiences their attitude. His I is in the center of his world and consciousness; he constantly considers and evaluates himself through the eyes of others, perceives himself through the attitude of others. At the same time, others may condemn him or be afraid, admire his virtues or emphasize his shortcomings, respect or humiliate him. But in all cases, he is sure that those around him think only of him, ascribes to them a certain attitude towards himself and experiences him as real.
The main difficulty in this case is not even that such a child incorrectly evaluates himself from the point of view of others, but that this assessment becomes the main content of his life and hides other aspects of the world around him and other people. He does not see, does not perceive everything that does not belong to his Self, does not see the children around him. Rather, he sees in them only an attitude towards himself and an assessment of himself. Other people turn for him into mirrors in which he perceives only himself: his own virtues or shortcomings, admiration for himself or neglect of himself. All this closes the child in on himself, prevents him from seeing and hearing others, brings acute painful experiences of loneliness, his "underestimated", "unnoticed". Self-affirmation, demonstration of one's own merits or concealment of one's shortcomings remains the main motive for behavior, while other people in themselves do not interest the child at all.
In contrast, children with a harmonious, conflict-free attitude towards peers never remain indifferent to their actions, while emotional involvement has a positive connotation - they approve and support other children, and do not condemn them. Even in the position of "offended" they prefer to resolve conflicts peacefully, without blaming or punishing others. The successes of peers do not offend at all, but, on the contrary, delight them. In most cases, in the same situations, they respond to the requests of their peers, share with them and support others.
Special studies have shown that the most popular in the peer group are usually those children who can help, yield, listen, support someone else's initiative. It is these qualities: sensitivity, responsiveness, attention to the other - that are most highly valued in the children's group. These qualities are usually called moral. The absence of these qualities (insensitivity and lack of interest in a partner, hostility, etc.), on the contrary, makes the child rejected and deprives peers of sympathy.
What is the difference between children who are able to help, yield, respond to other people's grievances? Why are some children able to satisfy the needs of others for benevolent attention and empathy, while others are not? Without an answer to this question, it is extremely difficult to build meaningful pedagogical work on the moral education and development of interpersonal relations in children.
Apparently, all these morally valuable behavioral manifestations are based on a special relation to a peer, in which an inner involvement in another is manifested. The self of a child is not closed in on itself, not fenced off by psychological defenses, but open to others and internally connected with them. Therefore, such children easily and without hesitation help their peers and share with them, perceive other people's joys and sorrows as their own. Such an attitude towards peers develops already at preschool age, and it is this attitude that makes the child popular and preferred by peers.
This does not mean at all that such children do not quarrel, do not take offense and do not argue with others. All this, of course, is present in children's lives. However, in conflict-free children, unlike conflict children, it is not the main and main one. It does not close the other child and does not make the defense, affirmation and evaluation of one's Self a special and only vital task. It is this attitude that provides both internal emotional well-being and recognition of other people.
As observations and studies show, without special pedagogical work, the problematic forms of peer relations that appeared in preschool age do not go away, but only intensify with age, bringing a lot of difficulties in relationships with others and with oneself. At the same time, at the age of five or six, the features of the relationship to peers described above cannot be considered as finally formed and closed to any changes. The development of interpersonal relationships and self-awareness of the child at this age is still intensively ongoing. At this stage, it is still possible to overcome various deformations in relationships with others, remove fixation on oneself and help the child fully communicate with others. However, this requires the timely help of close adults - especially parents.
Formation of friendly relations with peers
For the development of full-fledged communication between children, for the formation of humane relations between them, the mere presence of other children and toys is not enough. By itself, the experience of attending a kindergarten or a nursery does not provide a significant "increase" in social development children. For example, it was found that children from orphanage Those who have unlimited opportunities to communicate with each other, but are brought up in a deficit of communication with adults, contacts with peers are poor, primitive and monotonous. These children, as a rule, are not capable of empathy, mutual assistance, and independent organization of meaningful communication. For the emergence of these most important abilities, the correct, purposeful organization of children's communication is necessary.
However, what kind of influence should an adult have in order for the interaction of children to develop successfully?
At a younger preschool age, two ways are possible, firstly, this is the organization of joint activities of children; secondly, it is the formation of their subjective interaction. Psychological research shows that subject interaction is ineffective for younger preschoolers. Children focus on their toys and are mainly engaged in their individual play. Their initiative appeals to each other are reduced to attempts to take away attractive objects from their peers. They either refuse the requests and appeals of their peers, or do not respond at all. Interest in toys, characteristic of children of this age, prevents the child from "seeing" a peer. The toy, as it were, "closes" the human qualities of another child.
Much more effective is the second way, in which an adult improves relations between children, draws their attention to the subjective qualities of each other: demonstrates the dignity of a peer, affectionately calls him by name, praises a partner, offers to repeat his actions, etc. Under such influences, an adult increases children's interest in each other, emotionally colored actions addressed to their peers appear. It is the adult who helps the child to "discover" a peer and see in him the same creature as himself.
One of the most effective forms of subjective interaction of children is joint round dance games for kids, in which they act simultaneously and in the same way (loaf, carousels, etc.). The absence of objects and the competitive beginning in such games, the commonality of actions and emotional experiences create a special atmosphere of unity with peers and closeness of children, which favorably affects the development of communication and interpersonal relationships.
However, what to do if the child clearly demonstrates any problematic forms of attitude towards peers: if he offends others, or is constantly offended by himself, or is afraid of peers?
It should immediately be said that explanations of how to behave, positive examples, and even more so punishments for the wrong attitude towards peers are ineffective for preschoolers (however, as well as for adults). The fact is that attitude towards others expresses deep personal qualities a person who cannot be arbitrarily changed at the request of the parents. At the same time, in preschoolers, these qualities are not yet rigidly fixed and finally formed. Therefore, at this stage, it is possible to overcome negative tendencies, but this should be done not with demands and punishments, but with the organization of the child's own experience.
Obviously, a humane attitude towards others is based on the ability to empathize, to sympathy, which manifests itself in a variety of life situations. Means, it is necessary to educate not only ideas about proper behavior or communication skills, but above all moral feelings that allow you to accept and perceive other people's difficulties and joys as your own.
The most common method of forming social and moral feelings is the awareness of emotional states, a kind of reflection, enrichment of the dictionary of emotions, mastering a kind of "alphabet of feelings". The main method of educating moral feelings in both domestic and foreign pedagogy is the child's awareness of his experiences, self-knowledge and comparison with others. Children are taught to talk about their own experiences, to compare their qualities with the qualities of others, to recognize and name emotions. However, all these techniques concentrate the child's attention on himself, his merits and achievements. Children are taught to listen to themselves, to name their states and moods, to understand their qualities and their merits. It is assumed that a child who is self-confident, who understands his feelings well, can easily take the position of another and share his experiences. However, these assumptions are not justified. The feeling and awareness of one's pain (both physical and mental) does not always lead to empathy with the pain of others, and a high assessment of one's own merits in most cases does not contribute to an equally high assessment of others.
In this regard, there is a need for new approaches to the formation of relations between preschoolers. The main strategy of this formation should not be a reflection of one's experiences and not the strengthening of one's self-esteem, but, on the contrary, removal of fixation on one's own Self due to the development of attention to another, a sense of community and belonging with him.
Recently, the formation of positive self-esteem, encouragement and recognition of the merits of the child are the main methods of social and moral education. This method is based on the belief that positive self-esteem and reflection provide the emotional comfort of the child, contribute to the development of his personality and interpersonal relationships. Such education is aimed at oneself, at self-improvement and reinforcement of one's positive assessment. As a result, the child begins to perceive and experience only himself and the attitude towards himself from others. And this, as shown above, is the source of most problematic forms of interpersonal relationships.
As a result, a peer often begins to be perceived not as an equal partner, but as a competitor and rival. All this creates disunity between children, while the main task of education is the formation of community and unity with others. The parenting strategy must involve the rejection of competition and, therefore, evaluation. Any assessment (both negative and positive) focuses the child's attention on their own positive and negative qualities, on the merits and demerits of the other, and as a result provokes a comparison of oneself with others. All this gives rise to a desire to "please" an adult, to assert itself and does not contribute to the development of a sense of community with peers. Despite the obviousness of this principle, it is difficult to implement in practice. Encouragement and censure have firmly entered the traditional methods of education.
It is also necessary to abandon the competitive start in games and activities. Contests, competition games, fights and competitions are very common and widely used in the practice of preschool education. However, all these games direct the child's attention to their own qualities and merits, give rise to bright demonstrativeness, competitiveness, orientation towards the assessment of others and, ultimately, disunity with peers. That is why, in order to form friendly relations with peers, it is desirable to exclude games that contain competitive moments and any forms of competition.
Often, numerous quarrels and conflicts arise on the basis of possession of toys. As practice shows, the appearance of any object in the game distracts children from direct communication; in a peer, the child begins to see a contender for an attractive toy, and not an interesting partner. In this regard, at the first stages of the formation of humane relations, it is necessary to refuse, if possible, the use of toys and objects in order to direct the child's attention to peers as much as possible.
Another reason for children's quarrels and conflicts is verbal aggression (all sorts of "teasers", "name names", etc.). If a positive emotions the child can express expressively (smile, laugh, gesture), then the most ordinary and in a simple way manifestations of negative emotions is a verbal expression (swearing, complaints). Therefore, the development of humane feelings should minimize the verbal interaction of children. Instead, conditioned signals, expressive movements, facial expressions, gestures, etc. can be used as means of communication.
Thus, the education of humane relations should be based on the following principles.
1. Valuelessness. Any assessment (even positive) contributes to fixation on one's own qualities, strengths and weaknesses. This is the reason for the limitation of the child's statements to peers. Minimization of value judgments, the use of expressive-mimic or gestural means of communication can contribute to non-judgmental interaction.
2. Refusal of real objects and toys. As practice shows, the appearance of any object in the game distracts children from direct interaction. Children begin to communicate “about” something, and communication itself becomes not a goal, but a means of interaction.
3. Lack of competitive start in games. Since fixation on one's own qualities and merits gives rise to a vivid demonstrativeness, competitiveness and orientation towards the assessment of others, it is better to exclude games and activities that provoke children to display these reactions.
The main goal is to form a community with others and the opportunity to see peers as friends and partners. The sense of community and the ability to "see" the other are the foundation on which a humane attitude towards people is built. It is this attitude that generates sympathy, empathy, rejoicing and assistance.
Based on these provisions, we have developed a system of games for children of four to six years of age. The main task of the program is to attract the attention of the child to another and its various manifestations: appearance, moods, movements, actions and deeds. The proposed games help children experience a sense of community with each other, teach them to notice the dignity and experiences of their peers and help him in the game and real interaction.
The program is extremely easy to use and does not require any special conditions. It can be carried out by both the educator and the parent who has the time and desire to help the child. Naturally, the participation of several children of approximately the same age is necessary. The program consists of several stages, each of which has specific goals and objectives.
The main objective of the first stage is developing attention to peers . In games such as "Mirror", "Broken Phone", "Echo", children must repeat the actions or words of a partner. Adjusting to the other and becoming like him in their actions, they learn to notice the smallest details of the movements, facial expressions, intonations of their peers.
At the second stage, it is processed ability to coordinate movements , which requires orientation to the actions of partners and adjustment to them. The rules of the games were set in such a way that in order to achieve a certain goal (for example, to depict a centipede together), children must act with maximum consistency. This requires from them, firstly, great attention to their peers and, secondly, the ability to act taking into account the needs, interests and behavior of other children. Such coherence contributes to the direction of attention to the other, the cohesion of actions and the emergence of a sense of community.
The third stage involves immersing children in shared experiences both happy and anxious. The imaginary sense of common danger created in games unites and binds preschoolers.
At the fourth stage, role-playing games are introduced in which children provide each other with help and support in "difficult" play situations (for example, in the game you need to help an old grandmother cross the street, or save someone from a dragon, or cure a child, etc.).
At the fifth stage, it becomes possible verbal expression of one's attitude towards a peer, which, according to the rules of the game, should have an exclusively positive character (compliments, good wishes, emphasizing the merits of another, etc.). For example, you need to praise your neighbor best of all, find as many virtues in him as possible. The task of this stage is to teach children to see and emphasize the positive qualities and dignity of other children. Making compliments to a peer, telling him their wishes, children not only give him pleasure, but also rejoice with him.
And finally, on final stage there are games and activities that children give each other real help in joint activities (production of general drawings, crafts, gifts).
The experience of conducting this system of games with several children showed quite good results. In the process of conducting them, preschoolers become more and more attentive to each other, notice the actions and moods of others, seek to help and support partners. In addition, the aggressiveness of many problem children is noticeably reduced, the number of demonstrative reactions is reduced, closed, shy children are more likely to participate in joint play. After these games, children begin to play more and better together and independently resolve conflicts.
Of course, this does not mean that children have completely stopped showing off, demonstrating their advantages and asserting themselves. However, unlike what it was, the desire for self-affirmation has ceased to be the main and only motive for communication. It does not close the other child and does not make the defense, affirmation and recognition of one's Self a special and only vital task. It is this, oddly enough, that provides the most important thing - the recognition of others and the child's confidence in a peer group.
Other publications on the topic of this article:
Matryona Ogoyukina
Consultation "Features of communication with peers and its development in preschool age"
1.1. Features of communication with peers and its development in preschool age
In my work "Problems in ontogeny communication» M. I. Lisina gives the following definition of the concept communication. Communication- this is the interaction of two or more people aimed at coordinating and combining their efforts in order to establish relationships and achieve overall result.
AT preschool age in the life of a child, other children begin to occupy an increasing place. If at the end of early age, the need to communicate with peers is only being formalized, then preschooler She is already becoming one of the main ones.
Communication between preschoolers and peers has a number of significant features communication with adults.
The first and most important distinguishing feature is the wide variety of communicative actions and their extremely wide range. AT communication with peers one can observe many actions and appeals that are practically never found in contacts with adults. The child is arguing with peer, imposes his will, reassures, demands, orders, deceives, regrets and. etc. It is in communication with other children, for the first time such complex forms of behavior appear as pretense, the desire to pretend, express resentment, coquetry, fantasizing.
Second highlight peer communication lies in its extremely bright emotional richness. Increased emotionality and looseness of contacts preschoolers distinguishes them from interactions with adults. Actions aimed at peer, is characterized by a significantly higher affective orientation. AT communication with peers the child has 9-10 times more expressive-mimic manifestations expressing a variety of emotional states - from violent indignation to violent joy, from tenderness and sympathy to anger.
Third specific peculiarity contacts of children lies in their non-standard and unregulated nature. If in communication with an adult, even the smallest children adhere to certain generally accepted norms of behavior, then when interacting with peer preschoolers use the most unexpected actions and movements. These movements are characterized special looseness, non-normalization, not specified by any samples: children jump, take bizarre poses, grimace, mimic each other, come up with new words and sound combinations, compose various fables, etc. etc. Such freedom suggests that peer society helps the child to express his original beginning. Naturally, with age children's contacts are increasingly subject to generally accepted rules of conduct. However, lack of regulation and looseness communication, the use of unpredictable and non-standard means remain a hallmark of children's communication until the end of preschool age.
Another one feature of peer communication- the predominance of initiative actions over response ones. Especially this is clearly manifested in the inability to continue and develop a dialogue, which breaks up due to the lack of responsible activity of the partner. For the child, his own action or statement is much more important, and the initiative peer in most cases it does not support. Sensitivity to the impact of a partner is significantly less in the sphere communicating with other children than with adults.
Thus, the listed peculiarities reflect the specifics of children's contacts throughout preschool age. However, the content communication change significantly from three to six to seven years.
AT preschool age significantly increases the importance of communication with peers, during which preschooler implements the norms and values learned primarily communication with adults. peer is a partner in joint activities, whose benevolent attention, respect and recognition becomes important for preschooler. There are three main types of motives communication between preschoolers and peers.
business motive, under the influence of which peer encourages the child to communication as a partner in practical interaction, children experience positive emotions from the very process of joint activities;
personal motive acting in the phenomenon "invisible mirror", i.e. the child sees in behavior peer attitude towards oneself and practically ignores everything else in it;
cognitive motive, under the influence of which communication with a peer as with equal to a child a being that can be used for the purpose of knowledge and self-knowledge.
AT preschool age all three types work. motives: the position of leaders in 3-4 years is occupied by business with clearly defined personal; 4-5 years - business and personal, cognitive, with an almost equal position of business and personal and with a close interweaving of personal and cognitive; at 6-7 years old - business and personal.
In the studies of M. I. Lisina and A. G. Ruzskaya, significant features of communication of a preschooler with peers, qualitatively distinguishing it from communication with an adult.
a wide variety of communicative actions and their wide range, which is determined by the rich functional composition peer communication and a wide variety of communication tasks;
strong emotional saturation, which is expressed in a large number of expressive-mimic manifestations and affective orientation of actions in relation to peer;
irregularity and irregularity communication of children, characterized special looseness, irregularity, actions, their lack of any samples, the use of unpredictable and non-standard means communication;
the predominance of initiative actions over response ones, which manifests itself in the inability to continue and develop a dialogue, which breaks up due to the lack of reciprocal activity of the partner and often causes conflicts, protests, and resentment.
There are three forms communication between preschoolers and peers: emotional-practical, situational-business and extra-situational-business.
Emotional-practical form communication between children and peers typical for children from two to four years. The child is waiting for peer complicity in their amusements and craves self-expression. It is necessary and sufficient for him to peer joined his pranks and, acting with him together or alternately, supported and strengthened general fun. Each participant of such an emotional-practical communication primarily concerned with drawing attention to himself and getting an emotional response from his partner. AT peer children perceive only the attitude towards themselves, and he himself (as a rule, they do not notice his actions, desires, moods. Emotional and practical communication extremely situational - both in its content and in the means of implementation. It entirely depends on the specific environment in which the interaction takes place, and on the practical actions of the partner. At this stage communication children is not yet connected with their objective actions and is separated from them. fixed assets communication children - locomotion or expressive-mimic movements.
Situational business uniform communication develops by about four years of age and remains most typical until the age of six age. At this time, the role-playing game becomes collective - children prefer to play together, and not alone. Communication with others in a role play unfolds as if for two levels: at the level of role-playing relationships and at the level of real ones, that is, existing outside the plot being played out. main content communication of children in the middle of preschool age becomes a business partnership. With situational business communication preschoolers are engaged in a common cause, they must coordinate their actions and take into account the activity of their partner in order to achieve overall result. This kind of interaction was called cooperation.
In the end preschool age many children develop an off-situational business uniform communication. Much increases the number of out-of-situ contacts. In that age becomes possible "pure communication» , not mediated by objects and actions with them. Children can talk for quite a long time without performing any practical actions. Between elders preschoolers there is an ability to see in a partner not only his situational manifestations, but also some extra-situational, psychological aspects of his existence - desires, preferences, moods. By the end preschool age there are stable selective attachments between children, the first shoots of friendship appear. preschoolers"going to" in small groups (for 2-3 people) and show a clear preference for their friends. For preschool age the process of differentiation in the child's collective: some children become popular, others are rejected.
Thus, in preschool age there are significant changes in the content, motives and means communication with adults and peers, among which the transition to extra-situational forms and the predominance of speech means are common. All the factors facilitating communication of a preschooler with adults and peers in the form of joint activity, speech communication or only mental are the strongest stimulators of his mental development.
A preschool child communicates differently with children like himself and with adults. This happens on an intuitive level and is explained by the preschooler's expectations of what he wants to get from communication. In psychology, forms of communication of preschoolers are distinguished, which have developed on the basis of needs that push the child to interact.
Communication as a condition for meeting the needs of a preschooler
Before a child has a need to connect with others, he reaches out to others for comfort, for safety, for experience. These needs are manifested from the first days of life.
By the age of 3, the cognitive need comes to the fore. Where is she to be satisfied, if not in an appeal to an adult?
Toddlers need to make so many discoveries and understand how this world works that they constantly need clarification and help from their parents, educators, older brothers and sisters.
Younger preschoolers don't just ask questions. They strive to show their I. You need to address someone: “I myself!”. Or draw the attention of the same children to themselves, saying “This is my toys”, “Look what doll they gave me”. For such self-affirmation, viewers, listeners, partners are needed. They provide communication.
By the age of five, a need for respect is formed. Children demonstrate what they have already learned and what they know or can do. In communication with peers, edifying phrases are often heard: “Look how to do it”, “Do it the way I do!”. In addition, in the middle preschool age, boys and girls need equal partners in the game. Children's games are nothing more than an organized form of communication.
Older preschoolers actualize the need to talk about their impressions, convey interesting information and assert their authority among their peers. Therefore, their communications cover an ever larger circle of peers. Preschoolers already distinguish well moral qualities, so they are drawn to those peers who are closer to them.
We have given a small list of needs that preschoolers satisfy in communicating with others.
Communications that arise on the basis of certain needs, motives, as well as the speech and non-verbal means used, form stable forms of communication.
In toddlers, almost all interactions are tied to specific situations. With growing up, the development of forms of communication in preschoolers takes place, and they acquire an extra-situational character.
How preschoolers communicate with others
If we consider briefly how the forms of communication progress in preschool age, then it is best to refer to the developments of the famous psychologist Lisina M.I., who singled out four levels of communication from infancy to 7 years, designating them as a form:
- Situational-personal
- Situational business
- Extra-situational-cognitive
- Extra-situational-personal
The first in this list are formed earlier based on specific actions, objects, experiences. By the older preschool age, they do not disappear, but partially give way to more developed forms that are not tied to the situation. These changes are facilitated by the development of speech in children and.
Supreme form communication for preschool age is one that contributes to the understanding of the meaning of human relationships, as well as the assimilation of the norms and values of society. Consequently, this is an extra-situational-personal form of communication.
Forms of communication between preschoolers and peers
In the period from 3 to 7 years, there are forms of communication that are consistently updated from younger to older preschool age:
- Emotional-practical
- Situational business
- Extra-situational business
Communication between younger preschoolers is motivated by emotions or practical action. Toddlers can simply run up to each other with a joyful smile, and this is already a sign that they are interested in communicating. It is not so important how long their communication will captivate. Valuable emotional contact.
The joint actions of the kids are still short-lived. They can make cakes nearby or drive cars. Can demonstrate how far they throw a ball or slide down a hill. However, the emotional-practical form of communication is the basis for the formation of initiative in communication.
In middle preschool age, actively develops business conversation children. It has to do with progress. Preschoolers are already playing not just side by side, but together, choosing more complex plots, distributing roles, and agreeing on rules.
There are some business qualities, but they are tied to situations. For example, a child can act as a strict controller in the game in accordance with the chosen role, but behave timidly in ordinary contacts.
Extra-situational relationships allow you to shift attention from the actions of a communication partner to the personality itself. Unexpectedly for himself, the preschooler begins to see in the partner in the game an interlocutor, a person with his own interests and preferences. Another thing is that the revealed qualities of a person can both please and repel. Both a boy and a girl can declare about their yesterday's friend that they no longer play with him, because he takes other people's toys without permission, offends others, etc.
Among children, a preschooler learns behavioral skills, learns mutual understanding, and discovers social values.
The behavior of peers serves as a kind of mirror, allowing the child to see himself from the outside. And to notice the nuances of facial expressions and statements that previously eluded attention, the developing preschooler helps.
Forms of communication between children and adults
Communication with adults is, in fact, interactions in the "zone of proximal development", since the preschooler uses his potential, fills in the gaps in his knowledge.
Starting from the age of 3, the baby becomes an active explorer of everything around.
Cognitive communication with an adult gives the child real ideas about the world and expands his understanding of cause-and-effect relationships between surrounding objects and phenomena.
Extra-situational-personal form of communication
The older the preschooler becomes, the more he understands that the social environment is much wider and more diverse than the environment familiar to him. The child realizes that he needs to learn how to behave and act in different situations. Moreover, he sees the different behavior of his peers, which leads to the conclusion that not everyone behaves as they should.
The preschooler has questions to the elders in order to understand the meaning of the relationship between people. To some extent, the older preschooler checks his point of view, whether it coincides with the position of an adult. This is how generally accepted social norms are assigned.
By talking with adults, the child learns standards of expression and behavioral cultural norms. The preschooler has his own authorities. To understand a particular situation, he increasingly turns to the adult whom he considers the most competent in this matter.
Some features of personal communication
The desire to communicate with an adult largely depends on the personal expectations of a preschooler. If the child is dominated by the positive experience of previous contacts with specific adults, he is drawn to them. Conversely, negative impressions negate the desire to communicate. Some grandmothers wonder why their grandchildren are so reluctant to visit them. They do not even notice how zealously they guard the integrity of their shelves, how severely they scold the child when he violates the usual order in their apartment.
Personally, a preschooler needs warm emotional connections and that adults are interested in himself, his activities and skills. The child is waiting for support and empathy, he is sensitive to praise. This does not mean that children should be praised. But there will always be achievements worth celebrating.
It is curious, but the following phenomenon is observed: loving parents and grandparents always find a reason to support and praise the child. If there are no warm feelings, the child is more often scolded and pointed out his mistakes than supported.
Children are attracted by the positive emotional coloring of relationships with significant adults. This is the favorable background against which the cognitive and personal are successfully realized.
